Lewis and the Leprechaun

February 20, 2013
Once upon a time, in the Magical Midlands, lived a man by the name of Lewis Brindley. One day, Lewis received a letter from his uncle in the Snowy South, inviting him to a family reunion. Lewis accepted the invitation and started his trek down to the Snowy South. He ventured through the Slippery Sands, The Flamboyant Forest, and the Creepy Caves. His journey almost complete, Lewis strolled down a narrow cobblestone path. All of a sudden, a small man with a little green hat, suit and orange beard leapt out of a nearby bush and landed feet first in front of Lewis.
“Who the heck are you?” asked a very startled Lewis.
“I’m the leprechaun of the Snowy South; you had better watch your mouth!” sang the strange man as he performed an equally strange dance.
“Okay… well it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Leprechaun,” said Lewis, still a little confused. “I don’t mean to be rude, but can you please move aside so that I may visit my family for the reunion?”
“No, no, no, you can’t go!” the leprechaun chanted.
“Why not?” asked Lewis.
“If you truly wish to pass, you must give me a big mouth bass!” sang the leprechaun.
Lewis was flabbergasted. “A bass, what do you even want a bass for?”
“That’s a secret I mustn’t discuss, for if I tell you, I’ll turn into dust,” sang the strange leprechaun.
“Where am I even going to get a bass, we’re in the middle of a nowhere,” said Lewis. At this point, he was getting a bit annoyed.
“Seek the lake to the east, that’s where you’ll find that big-mouthed beast,” sang the leprechaun.
“Okay,” said Lewis reluctantly, and he ventured east. At the lake, Lewis tried to fish for bass when he realized that he didn’t have any fishing gear. Lewis threw a big fit and pummeled his fists into the ground in fury. One of the bass heard the ruckus going on at the surface, and he swam up to see what it was about.
“What’s your problem?” asked the bass in a deep voice.
“A stupid leprechaun sent me here to catch a stupid fish like you, and I came all the way here just to realize that I don’t even have any stupid fishing gear!” yelled Lewis in his rage.
The bass patiently waited for Lewis to calm down, and then asked “Why are you trying to catch a fish for a leprechaun?”
“Because he blocked my path and won’t budge unless I get him one,” said Lewis.
The bass snorted. “Idiot,” he said.
“Excuse me?” Lewis asked, mildly offended.
“Well apart from the fact that it took you this long to realize you didn’t have any fishing equipment, you should also be aware that leprechauns are roughly half your size; you should just be able to push him out of the way,” said the bass.
“Hmm,” said Lewis, thoughtfully. “That’s a good idea, I’ll try it!” Lewis thanked the bass and walked back to the path where the leprechaun stood. When the leprechaun saw that he had returned without any bass, he said,
“I still can’t let you pass, for you have not retrieved my bass!”
Lewis ignored the leprechaun and shoved him out of the way.
The leprechaun violently shook his fist and said, “You will soon regret pushing me, for… oh forget it,” and he jumped back in the bush to wait for someone else who might fulfill his wish.
The following night, Lewis enjoyed a warm and joyous family reunion, and they all lived happily ever after. Except for the leprechaun, the leprechaun died of starvation. And the bass was later caught and eaten by someone who did have fishing gear, so I guess Lewis was really the only one who actually lived happily ever after. Now that I think of it, Lewis didn’t live happily ever after either since he eventually died from cancer. Oh well.

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Miniterror said...
Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:30 am
That's messed up : )
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