October 23, 2012
It’s always dark in my world. My eyes have adjusted to it. Sometimes, during the day, the smallest amount of light will sneak under the cellar door and snake towards me barely illuminating the room. Shadows dance across the walls, and I can see. I see the outline of shapes and the room becomes vast and mysterious. There’s never enough to see details, never enough to see color, but this light is my only hope. My utter existence is a defiant act against the law; I’ve been illegal since the day I was born. When I was little, every night my mom would tell me a story. It was always the same one, about a world when new babies were born every day; where everyone had their time to live and their time to die. Then a panacea was invented and the world began to rapidly overpopulate for there was no death. Laws were established, laws were enforced, and eventually the birth of new children stopped altogether. My mom would kiss my head, tuck me in, and tell me that I was the exception; that I was a miracle. My ears twitch at the sound of footsteps above me. First there is one pair, then two, then three, and then there are too many for me to count. A hurricane of thumps rain down on me. I can hear muffles, barely audible through the thick cement that surrounds the cellar. Then the doors open. At first I am overjoyed; my mom has come to get me, I'm going to be free. But she doesn't come, in her place are men filing into the cellar, guns pointed at the air that surrounds me. I have been prepared for something like this, but I never thought I would need to be. In an Earth shattering moment I take my first tentative step towards the doors. I quicken my pace and sprint as fast as I can to the other side of the room. I swing the doors open and take my first step outside. The first bullet hits the wall, their aim is off. The men can't see in the dark, but I can. My mother catches sight of me and with tears filling her eyes, she mouths a single word; Go. I swivel my body around and take off towards the train tracks like I was told to. The maps I was told to memorize sweep over my mind and serve as my only guide. Shouts emanate from behind me, but I ignore them. Bullets fly past me, missing their mark every time. Soon, tears begin to fly off my face as I think of my family, as I think of my mom. Then, amidst it all, a crooked smile finds its way onto my face. I'm outside. I am free. The train tracks appear before I expect them to, flooding my vision with excitement and hope. When I first arrive, the train is barely peaking above the horizon. The men are still in pursuit, but they are slower. They sweep a bright light over the ground as they run which is both frightening and fascinating. The train is getting closer, but so are the men. My heart beat fills my chest and I can feel it pounding in my head. The train sweeps past me and my hair is blown across my face blinding me for a few seconds. The wind sways my body and I start to run beside the train. There is a half way filled train car beside me. It's not my first choice but the train is almost at its end. With one solid motion I fling myself into the car landing hard on a pile of coal. Pain envelopes my shoulder, but I'm okay. I've made it on the train to freedom, and it's taking me away. I move to the opening, dangling my feet off the edge of the train car as my body adjusts to the soft black rock I'm sitting on. Black dust coats my body and wind torments my hair. I look across the sky, seeing the infinitive distance the outside world devours. Then, on the edge of the world, a small light consumes the darkness. It grows, getting bigger and brighter. My eyes sting, but I cannot look away. I don't know where this train will take me but I hope we're going to the light. I hope I can ride this train all the way to the sun.

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Snowflakes said...
Nov. 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Wow. I loved this - if it progressed into an actual novel, I think it would be awesome! I like the storyline behind it, and I'm curious to know what happens to her; it was seriously amazing to read.
However I think you need to go through it and correct some grammar mistakes, because they made it a little confusing to read. Also, at the end I think you say 'train' too much. I'm the kind of reader that doesn't like to see the same word repeated in a certain amount of sent... (more »)
AmazingGracie replied...
Nov. 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Thanks you so much! I've been writing stories for a class in school, and am occasionaly rushed, which is why my conventions aren't 100% accurate. Do you know how to go back in and edit it?
Snowflakes replied...
Nov. 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm
I'm not sure, I don't think you can. I think you just have to create a new article, but I'm not certain >.> 
AthenaMarisaDeterminedbyFate This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:59 pm
My one suggestion would be to replace half way filled with half filled. Otherwise, it was great :)
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