When the Sun Goes Out

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Heavy titanium doors clanged into place, sealing out the bleak, barren lands. Swirling bitter drafts were soon replaced by the gentle warmth of immense heaters. But the wind, cold and primeval, could still be heard moaning outside if one chose to listen.
The motley crowds of people chose not to listen to the wind. Instead, they cheered for the person who had saved them from the long night that lurked outside the solid steel doors.
Smiling, the man waited for the applause to die down. When it had finally decreased to the occasional outburst the man began to speak.
“When astronomers first spotted the Blot on the Sun, the world was transfixed by this sudden, unprecedented change. As the Blot grew, Earth became colder and darker for lack of sunlight.”
Frantic footfalls and a series of thumps somewhere backstage went unnoticed while the man went on speaking for several minutes. Finally, he reached his conclusion.
“Do not forget that it was the cooperation between each and every person that made this facility, its hydroponic farms, nuclear reactors, and other machine to ensure humanity’s continued existence. I do not ask you to forget what, and who, you left behind, but to safeguard those memories and strive towards progress in remembrance of them. Thank you.”
With a bow, the man left the stage to thunderous applause and cheering. However, over the noise the robots could be heard beginning to weld tungsten plates to the massive doors. Backstage, a still-struggling astronomer had been pinned down by several security guards. Smile gone now, the man turned to the guards.
“Take him down to Level 7 and make sure he stays there.”
As the astronomer was hauled away, he screamed at the retreating back of the man.
“You said that we ourselves have to ensure humanity’s continued existence, didn’t you?!? Then why didn’t you tell them the Blot was artificial?!?”

Outside, there was only the wind, moaning through the wasteland.





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Queen_Of_Fiction said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Umm, so it was short. Like, really short. You probably could have made it longer; expanded upon the plot. There were no grammar or spelling mistakes that I could find. All that really bothered me was the length. As well as the abrupt ending. Also, I feel like you over described things. You also (in my opinion) abused the usage of the word 'wind'. Don't get me wrong, the writing was great. But you just sort of jumped right into the end. There was no real climax, rising action, falling... (more »)
 
Boota replied...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm
i agree with the queen in some of the aspects but for a short story it is pretty well written, not a word was wasted, But the ending left the your readers wanting more(me included when i say this.), you could really expan on it. Maybe explain why its a wasteland, why the astronomer was being dragged away, whats in level  7, who created the blot? you left your readers with a lot of un answer questions.
 
Boota replied...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm
wait, stratch a few of those "needed explinations" i ussally reread most of the stuff i read beefore i post a comment, when i did it explain some of the stuff i had been wondering about.... oops. But i stand by what i had said earlier you should really expand on it, you have the perfect fondation for an amazing story.
 
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