Mrs.D is Nuts

April 17, 2012
By Taru Gouldberg BRONZE, Moffat, Colorado
Taru Gouldberg BRONZE, Moffat, Colorado
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

“You killed her!!! You murdered Mrs. D!!!” cries Marlon.

“What are you talking about?” I ask. “How exactly is it my fault? Randen is the one that planned this out.”

“Hey don’t start pointing fingers at me!” Randen exclaims, “Justin brought the bananas.” The tension and noise in the room begins to grow until it seems to envelope everyone.
Finally Storhy’s voice silences the group. “It doesn’t matter who did it. There’s a dead teacher here, now what are we going to do about it?!?”

It was true; we all had blood on our hands. We didn’t mean any harm by it but when there is a mix of nine eighth graders, a bundle of bananas, and a crazy writing teacher, someone could end up getting killed.
It started out like any old school day. Well, almost like any old school day. It was warm and sunny, but we had something dark and almost sinister planned. Our writing teacher was Mrs. D. She wasn’t exactly what you would call a “normal teacher.” First of all, one of her hobbies was collecting severed rat heads that she stuck on little spikes and hid in the fridge. She also believed that dangling children out the window by their left ear was a merciful punishment. In addition, she was also a complete fruit phobic. Even the smell of a peach or a banana would make her go nuts. Thus, we decided that a little prank was in order.
The first part of the plan was to hang a bundle of delicious, ripe bananas from the top of the doorway, right outside her room. What we had thought would happen was that she would open the door to go to the bathroom, and then she would see the golden, yellow banana bundle, which would cause her to start screaming uncontrollably and the class would get a good laugh from her reaction. But on some occasions plans don’t always go the way you expect them to. This was one of those times.
A cool breeze drifted in through the open window as Mrs. D was sitting at her computer desk, occasionally glancing at the little refrigerator. Then she suddenly got up, scurried over to the door of the fridge, and swung it open. She grimly stared at the sight of only five rat heads. From across the room, I could hear Garret whisper to Demetrious, “It looks like she’s been snacking again!”
A small giggle broke out but was soon silenced, when everyone saw her reach into her bag and pull out a small meat cleaver. We could hear her mumbling to herself as she lurched toward the door, “Must find more rats! Rats, rats, rat-a-tat-tat. Yum, I just can’t get enough rats.”
The door started to open, but before she glanced at the swaying yellow fruit that hung only inches away, she turned back towards us to reprimand us one last time before heading out on her rat hunt. “If you kids aren’t good today, it’ll be your last!” she scolded.
She then whirled around with out looking, thereby causing herself to run face first into the yellow fruit. Suddenly an extremely strange reaction came from her, one that I doubt any of us could have possibly guessed. We all sat and watched as her eyes rolled back in her skull and she keeled over on the floor. She began to go into convulsions, while foam dripped out of her gaping mouth. Her useless limbs were flailing around until she managed to grasp the edge of the door, but that only made things worse. She began to shake the door until her seizure managed to rattle it off its hinges and with a stomach wrenching crunch it fell down across her neck and severed her head as clean as freshly mowed grass.
So here we all are, standing over our decapitated teacher’s limp, lifeless body and her motionless head with glairing eyes that seem to stare straight through you. A crimson river of blood starts to leak from the base of her neck.
The entire class stands speechless surrounding the rapidly cooling body of our recently deceased teacher until Justin breaks the silence. “We need to get rid of this body,” he says thoughtfully.
Without another word, Gallian and Randen pick up her arms and legs and drag her out in the hallway. Justin runs out after them and I can hear the rattle of his locker being opened. As the door slides open, the rest of us trail behind to see what progress has been made on shoving her lifeless body into the little metal locker. Once the decapitated carcass is safely stowed away, the class goes back into the classroom to retrieve the leftover head, and we are surprised to find that the head is no longer there. We gaze around the room in search of the rat munching teacher’s noggin, but alas there was no sign of it, except for the pool of blood where the head once sat. There was a long quiet moment of puzzlement. Then Kendra says, “It’s just a head, guys! It couldn’t have possibly walked out of here on its own!”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” says Gallian.
Everyone’s eyes turn when he says this extremely puzzling statement. We realize he’s pointing at a bloody smear that runs up the side of the wall and out the open window. Running over to the window, I begin to see more blood stains that I hadn’t noticed before. Peering out the window causes several emotions to rush over me. First, I’m shocked, then uncontrollable laughter wells up inside me, until finally, it is cut off when I realize the horrible act that is about to be committed. Looking up, I see the gaping face of Mrs. D staring back at me as a squirrel begins to tap on her skull to see just how nutty she really is. A question arises: Is the squirrel going to crack the nut?
We all turn around and bolt towards the outside world. The door flings open and light blinds us all. Once our eyes adjust, we are shocked to see the gory sight of Mrs. D’s right eye being nibbled on by the filthy squirrel. Gallian suddenly picks up a large stone and hurls it straight at the carnivorous, teacher-munching squirrel. The fist sized stone slides off his finger tips and soars through the air. Moments go by that seem like hours. The rock gets closer and closer to the vicious little rodent until the sharp piece of earth hits the squirrel directly on the side of the head. The vermin topples from the tree branches and flops to the ground along with the bloody cranium of our once feared teacher. As I see them falling, I actually feel worse for the acorn eating creature then I do for the rat munching one.
Once we go inside, Storhy brings up the topic of people getting suspicious. “People are going to start wondering were she is. We need to make it look like she’s still here,” she says.
Demetrious picks up a bottle of Elmer’s Glue. “Can’t we just use this?” he asks.
“Great idea!” the rest of us agree.
After a few minutes, Marlon and Garret successfully reattach her head. As we stand back to admire their work, we realize that they glued it on backwards. “You idiots!!!” Kendra yells. “Can’t you tell what side a head is supposed to be facing!?!”
“It’ll be fine, I’m sure no one will notice a difference,” I say. “Everyone thinks she’s backwards anyway.”
For many years after that, she sat in her chair and no one even knew the difference. Sometimes, though, her students thought her classes were a bit boring and they didn’t learn very much from her, which wasn’t any different from when she was among the living…

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