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How I Met and almost got killed by Rapunzel
Once upon a time fairytales were cool. Not those lame excuses for fairytales that your parents told you when you were a kid saying that the cool stories would 'scare you' 'give you nightmares' or 'permanently damage your mental heath'. No, I'm talking about the real fairytales that as fate would have it, were written by two dudes with the last name 'Grimm'. I mean if the word grim is in the title, the story usually isn't about some sad girl named Cinderella having a bad day when randomly a fairy pops out of nowhere and fixes everything, blah, blah, blah. There is a story slightly like that, but way cooler. In the cool version sad little Cindy locks her evil stepsisters in a closet and runs off to meet a prince, lose her shoe, and have the prince come to her house for a visit. When the evil stepsisters see that their feet don't fit in the very breakable shoes they chop both of their feet off. See that isn't in any Disney movie [but it would be awesome if it was!]. Well, back to the point of this story. This is the story of how I ended up having to deal with a psychopath sporting enough hair to coat three football fields standing over me with a knife in her hand threatening to slice my head off with said knife. But I suppose I should begin where most begin, the beginning.
It was just a normal December day when I heard that school was closed due to snow, which would have most kids bouncing off the walls with happiness, but me not so much. See, my dad Will Dea-chainteach [I know, I know awful last name but it's Irish] is a history professor who is completely obsessed with finding the truth about what happened in stories. Dad had recently teamed up with an inventor who thought he could build a machine to take you back to the story. Whoo-hoo, a time machine that can take you to past times when there was no such thing as a computer and not even one Barnes and Nobles existed, how thrilling. The worst part was that whenever they thought they had found a breakthrough they needed a objective participant to test the invention while they ran tests. Guess who usually got to be this honored objective participant? That’s right, me, they sent fourteen year old Gwen Dea-chainteach into some contraption possibly to meet her doom. Great, where is my fairy godmother? So having a day off of school was just more time to participate in testing a lovely new contraption. I walked into the kitchen where Dad was drinking probably his sixth cup of extra-caffeinated coffee.
"So, I heard that there is no school today. Well, lucky for you, you won't have to sit around here bored all day 'cause we've made a breakthrough and would like to let you test the machine."
"Do I have to?" I said while fiddling with my straight red hair.
"Well, I suppose not but it would make your dearest father so very happy."
"Dad, really, the guilt card?"
"And I'll buy you ice cream." he added hastily
"And bribing, wow."
"Come on Gwen this machine can pop you right into a story."
"Unless it can zap me into Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, no way Hosea."
"Please Gwen just one test?" He pouted. My mom died when I was little so there was no one to step in and be the voice of reason. One test, why not just get it over with?
"Okay." I sighed
"Great, come on."
He led me to his lab, a.k.a. the basement, where his associate was fiddling with some wires attached to a large booth in the middle of the room. It looked sort of like a one of those photo booths that are at the mall. Ivan Chugainov was Dads business partner. He was an inventor from Russia who had tried to invent a time machine but right as he was about to sell it to a major tech company, his computer connected to the machine crashed and he was labeled a failure.
"Vello Gwen. Your Father said you would want to test invention." Now I know what your thinking inventor+ Russian accent = mad scientist but Mr. Chugainov was actually a pretty good inventor.
"Oh yes, I'm just thrilled to test this new contraption." I replied sarcastically.
"Ha ha, you are seely geel always joking." He said in his heavy Russian accent.
"Gwen, just step into here." Dad said, gesturing towards the machine
"So, what story am I going into? Harry Potter or the Hobbit?"
"No, nothing as dangerous as that, you're going into a fairytale, much safer." See just another misrepresentation of fairytales.
"This won't hurt a bit." he told me reassuringly as I stepped into the machine, He lied. As soon as they turned the machine on I felt like I was gonna puke. I felt like something was ripping me apart. I was in such a state of shock. I couldn't even scream. I saw the booth slowly fade around me. No way was the machine actually working, right? My combat boots landed on floor with a thud and I realized that my eyes were closed. I hesitantly opened my eyes to see a girl a bit older than me standing above me with a knife in her hand. So this is where I am. Now, you can see why I'd rather be at school staring into space or doodling in my notebook… Oh, I mean hanging onto every word my teacher says.
The girl looked just as scared as I did, but I don't know why. She was the one with the knife.
"Who art thou and how hast thou traveled here?"
"I'm Gwen and how I got here ain't your business. Who are you?"
"I am Rapunzel… Now answer rightly or I shall slice your throat" And I thought she might but not on purpose, her hand holding the knife was shaking so badly.
"Dude chill out, and put down the knife."
"You speak in a very vulgar manner, wench."
"Nuh-uh. You're vulgar." I'm really not sure what that word means "and I am not a bench."
"You must be from very distant lands. Why hast thou traveled here?"
"Well, let me tell you, traveling here wasn't my choice." She was starting to lower her knife, which I took as a pretty good sign.
"If it was not your choice why are you here?"
"My dad sent me." I said, not necessarily lying just not telling the truth, 'cause judging by her past the ankle pink gown she wouldn't know much about science or time travel. But when I said 'dad' she slumped into a chair with a grim look on her face. That was about the time I noticed her hair which was everywhere, literally EVERYWHERE. It was on the floor in piles and hanging on the banister of a set of stairs that led to a large window. Her hair must have been a few miles long. But I tried to ignore her insane amount of hair.
"What's wrong? You look so sad."
"Oh, it's nothing, but why did your dad send you here?"
"Cause he is insane."
"And your mother?"
"Um… She's dead."
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
"Why? You didn't kill her… you didn't kill her right?"
"Of course not." she laughed.
"Okay, now you know my whole back-story. Your turn to talk."
"It’s a long tale." she said sadly.
I gestured to the tower and its obvious lack of exits.
"I'm sort of stuck in a tower, I have time." she smiled.
"Well, before I was born my mother was in her room in a town nearby here when she glanced at her neighbor's garden and saw the loveliest rampion-"
"Rampion. It is an edible flower commonly used in salads."
"You have never eaten a flower?"
"No, but I meant salads are gross."
"Oh" she said nodding, but looking very confused.
"Continue with your story" I said curiously.
"She saw the loveliest Rampion and would not sleep nor eat until she had some."
Weird, I mean not sleeping or eating until you get the newest Heroes of Olympus book, totally understandable, but not eating or sleeping until you get a salad that’s just plain freaky.
"My father seeing that she would die of starvation snuck into their neighbor's garden and took some of the flowers. He gave them to my mother but this simply made her crave the rampions more. So father once again snuck into the garden but the garden's owner was waiting. Unfortunately the garden's owner was a witch."
"Yep, that sounds unfortunate." I added.
"When the witch heard of my mother's predicament, she told father that mother could have as much rampion as she wishes if they would give their child-me- to her."
"And they did? That’s sick!"
"Yes well, they did not have much choice in the decision. So I was raised by the witch. Her name is Gothel."
"Doe's she wear lots of black and have a nose ring?"
"Pardon me, how can you put a ring on your nose?"
I sobered and waved the question off telling her to continue.
"When I became twelve years of age, she brought me to this tower and since that day I hath never left."
"Never, Like never as in not ever? Dude, that’s just depressing."
"I suppose it is but-"
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair for me." yelled a horrible raspy voice.
"That’s Gothel, quick hide in the closet! Unlike me she will not ask questions before she kills you!" Rapunzel said, while shoving me into a closet at the back wall. I sat in that closet for hours contemplating important matters such as, will Percy ever be found? And what happened to Harry in between the time after the last battle and nineteen years later? And most importantly, when will I get out of this suffocating closet?! I will be an eighty year old claustrophobic by the time I get out. Finally the door opens, and I fall to the ground on the other side panting and gasping for breathes of precious non-toxic air.
"I…Was… In… There… for hours." I say in strangled gasps.
"You were in there for no more than twenty minutes."
This is why I should have taken art instead of acting as an elective.
"Oh" I say suddenly feeling much better, and then guess what just has to happen?
A voice yells up to the window "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair for me." but this voice is a bit deeper than Gothel's voice was.
"Quick, get back in the closet."
"No way" I say while I brush the hanging curtains away and hide behind them. I then peered out too see what was happening, I mean what was the harm? And don't even say that curiosity killed the cat cause it was stupidity that killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. I saw Rapunzel put her hair onto a hook outside the window and pull some one up. For such a young girl she was really strong. But it wasn't the witch. It was some rich, snobby- looking boy. But Rapunzel looked pretty taken with the weird dude. Then totally -freaky- snobby-Zac Efron -look- alike -dude asks Rapunzel to marry him and she says yes. Okay so weird right? What century am I in? Rapunzel is like my age. Then she says for him to bring pieces of silk for her to make into a ladder to get down the tower. He leaves climbing back down her hair. I hesitantly come out of hiding and meet Rapunzel in the middle of the room.
"So you're like engaged, weird."
"I know." she replies, without changing her scared stiff expression. Eventually she goes to bed and I fall asleep on a chair in the corner hidden behind a bit of curtain. Why couldn’t dad have sent me to a story with a decent hotel down the road, or you know the ability to walk down the road.
The next morning after tossing and turning on the chair all night, I woke up to see that Rapunzel was gone. Not fair, she leaves but I have to stay here. I get up to find that not only is Rapunzel gone but she had left her most of her hair in a pile on the floor. I look over to the window to find a long rope tied to the hook that Rapunzel usually hangs her hair from. This just gets better and better 'cause in the corner of my eye I see someone riding in on a horse. Someone who could only be described as a witch. I went back to my hiding place as she climbed the rope and once she was inside the tower she pulled the rope off the hook. About half an hour later the snobby prince dude called up to the tower, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair." Dang, now I get it. This was a trick and now Gothel was going to kill him, probably just for talking to Rapunzel. Gothel hung Rapunzel's hair out the window and Prince Snobby climbed up. Then when he saw Gothel he fell out the window. Of all the dumb things I could have done at that moment jumping up and grabbing the hair hanging by the hook was probably the dumbest, but hey so far I hadn't done anything totally dumb in this century. I found prince snobby crying and rubbing at his eye.
"I'm blind! I'm blind!"
"Oh, suck it up, and come on. We need to find Rapunzel."
"You know Rapunzel?"
"Yup, come on blind dude." I said, helping him up. We walked for a few hours, [well I walked, he stumbled] when we heard crying Rapunzel crying.
"Rapunzel is that you?" called blind snobby prince. Rapunzel ran up and hugged him while crying, and wow was her hair shorter, like shoulder length. Then of all thing snobby prince yelled.
"I can see again!"
This scene was so sweet, so sweet I was afraid that I was going to get a cavity. Then I starting to feel the same way I had when I had came here. Suddenly, I was in Dad's lab.
"Well, did it work?"
"No, it definitely did not."
No one should have to go through what I just did.