The Chosen one

October 2, 2010
By KelvinORalph BRONZE, Wolverhampton, Other
KelvinORalph BRONZE, Wolverhampton, Other
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
If I've seen further than others, it's by standing on ye sholders of giants

- Sir Isaac Newton

In Sertium, the number one strength of a good wizard is his or her ability to control magic. Many wizards tend to loose control, and they end up in the prison of Zurich. However, there were few wizards who could control the magic they produced, those were the gifted ones. Then, there was only one man who could loose control of his magic, but still get away with it. He was named Master Delgar by his followers. He was the most notorious and uncontrollable wizard of his time.
When Delgar heard about a boy who would grow to up to be his master, he created a search party to find the boy. The boy's names were Leo Nevick. He was a teenager with lovely black hair, blue eyes and white skin. Eventually, they found his location, but couldn't find him, nor his family. They'd run for their lives, leaving a note that read “We will return.” Leo was the last child of his parents, and he had two siblings; Lex and Lily.
After ten years of happiness, Delgar was killed by his only child, Princess Emma. She took over the entire empire and became the greatest witch to have ever lived. She was a feminist; she killed all her father's followers and recruited new ones, but only witches. Unfortunately, the prophecy continued with Delgar's only girl, Emma. She too, like her father, wanted the chosen one dead, but she couldn't find him, nor his family. Where were they hiding? No one knew.
Telsaw was the school of wizardry and witchcraft. It accommodated students for six years. Emma frequently visited Telsaw and searched for Leo and his siblings, but they never returned to school after they'd heard about Delgar's plot.


Present Day

“Pass me the ketchup,” Lex said, his eyes focused on his meal.

“Don't you have manners? Lisa asked,

Lily laughed at her elder brother, but Leo couldn't. He had utmost respect for his brother, and so he reached for the ketchup bottle.

“Don't you dare. Your brother must learn to be polite” Lisa shouted at her second son; her voice echoed round the entire dining room.

The head of the house was busy with his food, paying no attention to his nagging wife. Then Lex crept his left hand to his jean's pocket, brought out his wand and pointed it at the ketchup bottle, saying, “Communiser.” The ketchup bottle flew and landed centimeters near his plate. Lex was a tall, white skinned boy with black hair.

Lisa, Lex's mother, became annoyed. Her eyes grew red, and the natural wine color of her hair changed to jet black. The entire table broke into two halves, causing the plates and glass cups to also break.

“Oh my God, didn't I worn you never to use ordinary spells. Why do you think we created the Nevick book of spells.” Lisa said, giving Lincoln a worrying look

Queen Emma, formerly – princess, had cast a very powerful location spell. Thus, she'll know where the chosen one and his family were located if they tried to cast normal spells. Her late father tried to cast the location spell, but he was unsuccessful. Leo's parents had to create a book of new spells, in order to protect themselves from Emma.

“Yeah, your mother's right. Never do that again. Use our spells. For example,” Lincoln drew out his wand, pointed it at the broken table and said, “Reconcinno.” Immediately, the table and plates returned to their former position, like nothing ever happened to them.

Lisa still looked worried, even though her husband had settled the problem. She knew what the effect of casting an ordinary spell will do to her family.

“No worries dear, the house is well protected. Even Emma can't break all the spells we used,” Lincoln said, grasping his wife's hand.
The entire family continued to eat in peace till suddenly, the front door of their house busted open. The sound alerted Lisa and Lincoln, and they immediately drew out their wands.

“Go to the basement Leo,” Lisa ordered. She looked at her remaining children, her eyes filled with tears,, and said, “You two, remember the combat lessons your father and I taught you. Guide the entrance to the basement. Leo is the only one she's after.”

Lisa knew that the only person who could have broken the magical protection that surrounded the house was Emma. Her husband held her hand, looked at his three kids and said, “Do as your mother said, and don't come out till the ghost is clear, or till we tell you to. Now leave.”

Leo, Lex and Lily left their parents in the dining room, and went to the basement. The two elder children guided the door, while Leo who was only sixteen years, entered into the basement.

Red smoke filled the living room, but there was no sign of Emma. The two parents backed each other, facing their wands in the midst of the smoke. Lisa flicked her wand, and said, “Acclaroir.” The smoke instantly disappeared, but then she fell on the floor as blood sloshed out of her body, like she had been pierced by an invisible sword. Her eyes were still, her hair changed to white; She was dead. Lincoln fell to the ground, filled with pain and anguish, but in the process dropped his wand on the floor.

“No, honey speak to me,” he cried. “Say something, don't leave me.”

“It's okay, you're going to join her,” a soft dark voice said.
Lincoln's hand crept for his wand, but wasn't fast enough as Emma yelled, pointing her red colored wand at him, “Caesum-decido.”
A flash of red light soared out of her wand and hit him on the chest. His wand flew out of his hand, and he joined his dead wife on the floor.

“This wasn't as difficult as I'd imagined,” Emma muttered, looking at the tip of her wand.

Lex and Lily heard the effect of the killing curse, and so they rushed to the living room. There, they met Emma, who was dressed in a red cloak. The her was as blood red as her eyes and outfit. She looked scary.

“Noooo,” Lily screamed, which made young Leo who was in the basement curious to know what was going on.

Lily, whose wand was held firm in her hand, directed it at Emma and said “Adflictatiory.” With the flick of the wand, she reversed the spell and sent to back to Lily. Lex moved in front of his sister and said, also pointing his wand, “Cludereck,” and a shield blocked him from the spell

“Hmm I see you kids have come to play,” Emma said, producing a wicked smile. “Well, I'd love to join you, but I hae more imporatant things to do.”

After her last word, three people wearing masks entered the house, all dressed in back. “Take care of these two, while I go find the boy,” Emma instructed.

Lilly and Lex began to fight against the three followers of Emma. Meanwhile, Emma vanishes into thin air, and appears in the basement, right in front of Leo. She steps back to see if there was anyone else in the room. Luckily, there was no one, and so she said, “I believe we should talk in a better environment, don't you think so?” But without allowing Leo to respond, she flicks her wand. The two are transported to a totally different city, Emma's city. They were inside a large room; it looked like a dungeon, with the empty ground and fire lamps at the four corners of the room.

“You're the chosen one who's meant to rule me,” she said. It looked more of a statement than a question, so Leo remained silent. “I'm Queen Emma, and you're?”

“You know my name,” Leo said.

“Very smart boy, but there's no time for playing the smart guy. Your parents are dead, and you siblings would join them any moment from now. You're the only one left, so any last words before I kill you?”

Leo remained quiet; his hands shaking in fright. There was nothing he had to say, nothing he wanted to say.

“If you insist,” she said, pointing her wand at him. “ Caesum-decido.”
The same beam came out of her wand and headed toward Leo. He drew out his wand and screamed, “Occaeco,” Suddenly, he became invisible, and the killing curse passed through him. He pointed his wand at her, “Crudus,” he said, but Emma blocked his spell, and reversed it, breaking his wand in the process.

“Hahahahaha,” she laughed. “You're defenceless, which makes it easier to get the job done.”

Lily and Lex were killed after a fierce battle with three experienced killers. Their parents had taught them powerful spells, but experience they say, is the best teacher.

Meanwhile, Emma repeated the killing curse, but the strangest thing happened as the spell met Leo. He hovered his bare hands round the edge of the spell, forming a ball, and then he threw it at Emma. She was shocked to see him use his hands to do magic. No one had ever done such, even her mighty father.

As she tried to block the ball of spell, Leo said, “This is for my mom and dad.” He levitated, and sent a cursed arrow at Emma, who was occupied with the ball. It drove into her heart, and she dropped down on the floor.
There was no sign of blood on her body.. It seemed like she had a stroke; she struggled to breathe, but couldn't. Few seconds later, her dead body laid on the floor, but before she died, she mumbled, “I was only testing you, brother.”

The author's comments:
Is it possible to be deceived all your life? Does protection mean the same thing as Lying?
Princess Emma will stop at nothing till she eradicates the person whom the prophecy says "will rule over her" However, there's more to it than admits the eye. Emma has an ulterior motive, but what?

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This article has 4 comments.

on Oct. 13 2010 at 2:54 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Oh, and unfortunately, you cannot edit work on teenink.  You must edit, then resubmit under either a new title, or as "The Chosen One- revised and edited."

on Oct. 13 2010 at 2:38 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Haha, sure thing.  I know I already asked this, but I'm a persistant person; could you check out my story "Encounter"?  Pleeeease??? (<-- Sugar and cherry on the bottom, because I'm cool like that.)

on Oct. 13 2010 at 8:18 am
KelvinORalph BRONZE, Wolverhampton, Other
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
If I've seen further than others, it's by standing on ye sholders of giants

- Sir Isaac Newton

Thanks but how can I edit on teenink I've been trying to do so. Please read my second short story: The Premonition. No worries, it's no rewrite of twilight..(lol)

on Oct. 13 2010 at 6:35 am
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

I liked...

- the ending, a lovely twist on this story

- the prologue, it built a nice foundation for the rest of the story, and gave the reader a nice background of the characters before the action started

I didn't like...

- Resemblences to Harry Potter 7.  I just couldn't get over how much the stories were alike.  A boy with a prophecey, a magic boarding school he was forced to leave, the jinx on regular magic (which I though was almost exactly like the Taboo on Voldemort's name) and a killing curse?  All of these resemblences made this story feel like either a fan fiction or a rewrite, and I just couldn't feel much originality through this.

- I think you should read this over, and just give it a little editing check.  For little things like double commas,, and missing letters in words.

Overall-  I think your writing overall was pretty good, although I felt you could've stepped up the word choice, but I think your storylines more one-of-a-kind the the reader doesn't feel like they're reading a cliche.

3.6 stars, but I'll round up to 4.


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