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Beautiful Darkness

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You gasped underneath the dark water. “Help!” you screamed panic and fear flowing clearly through your voice. I was stuck. Unable to walk of run. Your eyes were fading and your skin turning pale. I screamed after your head went under. I was stuck I leaped to the edge. Why. I had done nothing wrong my whole life. What about those shallow popular kids at school. Why not them. Tears streamed down my eyes and made a salty trail into my small parted lips. I had to do something. I stripped down to I was just in my faded gray skinny jeans, black vans, and Eiffel tower white t-shirt. I grabbed my hoodie and tied it around my waist. I did the stupidest thing ever. I jumped in after you. It was all I could do…

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blackmist said...
Sept. 22, 2010 at 5:08 pm
I think you should write it in 3rd person, not first person... or maybe have the person drowning be a character's friend? The lack of question marks when there was supposed to be a question bothers me. Good work though!
Winterhope replied...
Oct. 12, 2010 at 7:58 pm
thanks, ill write a continuation in 3rd person soon
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