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Before there were Pillows
In the days when devious dragons still darted through the dark sky and greedy goblins still growled underground, pillows were not yet a twinkle in God’s eye. Back then, everyone slept on the cold cobblestones with only few natty old rags for blankets and no pillows. The first to acquire pillows were King Comfy and Queen Quiet Sleep. But even they had to get them somewhere.
King Comfy and Queen Quiet Sleep came into the possession of pillows through the Queen’s cousin, the Tooth Fairy. It is a common misconception that the Tooth Fairy only collects teeth. In fact, her job is a multi-encompassing position that includes many responsibilities. One of these responsibilities is public relations for the King and Queen. You see, back then, the King and Queen were expected to do nothing but smile and wave at public events and functions. They essentially held no political power and were respected mostly as monarchal figureheads. Now, the Tooth Fairy spent her days flitting around various worlds and dimensions. One particular day, she stopped by the realm of King Comfy and Queen Quiet Sleep. She quickly found that the king and queen were losing the respect of their people and a rebellion would soon occur. Being the Tooth Fairy, she automatically deduced that this was because their smiles were not charming enough, and therefore they weren’t drawing in as many fans as they used to. You see, in those days, because there were no pillows, everyone had to stash their teeth under their floorboards for the Tooth Fairy to collect. Because new teeth are fashioned out of old teeth, naturally the new teeth wouldn’t have been as clean because they were created from teeth that sat around under dirty old floorboards with mice and insects. Also, the Tooth Fairy could only leave as much money as the tooth was worth, and dirty teeth were only rewarded with a few pennies, max. Thus, the King and Queen didn’t have extra money to pay for toothpaste, and the fairy couldn’t make their new teeth white because the old teeth weren’t white. Another reason for the King and Queen’s lack of appreciation was their moods! Because their heads hurt from being uncomfortable in their sleep, they were always irritable when they were smiling and waving. So this was really a no-win situation.
But the Tooth Fairy quickly devised a plan. She would create an object that would not only be perfect for hiding baby teeth at night (and keeping them clean,) but would also keep the King and Queen’s heads comfortable while they slept. On this day, the Tooth Fairy happened to be ambling by the home of her dream guy, the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny was always working on his carrots in his fields. He was quite the farmer.
“Good day, Tooth Fairy!” he called out as she strutted by.
“Oh, I didn’t even see you there, E.B. How are you?” she cried back, trying her hardest to look very nonchalant.
“Quite good, quite good,” the Easter Bunny replied. “Would you mind doing me a huge favor?”
“Of course not, dear. Anything at all,” smiled the Tooth Fairy.
“Oh thank you,” exclaimed the Easter Bunny. “Would you carry this bag of potatoes down to my barn on your way out? I’m afraid their going to rot unless I keep them in the shade, and I’m afraid I’m going to be out all day working on the carrots!”
The Tooth Fairy smiled.
“You got it.”
With that, the Tooth Fairy took the sack of potatoes and started trudging toward the barn. Unfortunately, she took a few steps and realized that the potatoes were much too heavy for her small figure. She attempted to fly to the barn, but the bag was so heavy she couldn’t even take flight.
Hmmm, she thought. There must be some way to make the sack lighter.
Then, the Tooth Fairy saw some chickens flapping around the haystacks and was hit with an epiphany.
“Hoping that me and E.G. will one day be together
For every potato in this bag, create one feather!”
Suddenly, the sack was less than half its earlier weight, and the Tooth Fairy was able to skip away, smiling.
And when I get to the barn, I’ll just turn them back into potatoes! she thought.
Little did the Tooth Fairy know, the barn was much farther than she had expected. In fact, despite flying all day, she still didn’t reach it before nightfall. Yawning, she descended to the ground and took the bag with her over to the shade and comfort of a giant willow tree, where she curled up and went to sleep, her head resting on the bag of feathers.
In the morning, the Tooth Fairy woke up, stretching and fluttering her wings.
“What a wonderful sleep I had last night!” she cried aloud, stroking the grass where she slept under the willow tree. It wasn’t very soft. That couldn’t have been the reason. She looked down at her dress. She wasn’t wearing her ultra-comfortable cape. Suddenly, her eyes met the bag of feathers.
“It was the feather bag!” she exclaimed, delighted in her discovery. “I’ve found the answer to all the King and Queen’s troubles.”
“Hey,” cried a voice. It was coming from the willow tree.
“Oh, I didn’t see you there,” said the Tooth Fairy, wheeling around.
“I want some credit for your good night’s sleep!” it yelled, branches twisting in its fury.
“Of course you’ll get some!” exclaimed the Tooth Fairy. “In fact, I’ll name this device “pillow.” The “p” will be for “potato bag” and the “illow” will be for “willow.” And everyone in the kingdom will have one, once I get the approval of His and Her Majesty.”
The willow tree was satisfied.
“Then go with great speed to the Kingdom,” it said.
As soon as the Tooth Fairy had delivered the bag to the barn and transformed it back into a sack of potatoes, she made her way speedily to the King and Queen’s palace. There, she told them of her invention and produced a pillow for them to try out. After a wonderful night’s sleep with their pillows, the King and Queen made a decree that everyone in the kingdom should have one. What’s more, every time someone lost a tooth, they tucked it neatly under their pillow where it was kept clean. In the morning, they would find not just a penny but a whole dollar or more which they poured back into the economy, benefiting the entire situation. Thus, the pillow was born, and the world was made a better place.