Child's Play #2

May 12, 2010
By AoifeTracey SILVER, Dublin, Other
AoifeTracey SILVER, Dublin, Other
6 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dont bend facts to suit theories, rather theories to suit facts.' Unknown

I lay on my bed, face down, and closed my eyes. What the hell was his problem? Or what was my problem? Maybe I was just that type of person that people took an instant dislikeing to. Before I knew it, I was in the woods again. It was icy cold, and it was rainig lightly. I was standing in the middle of the forest, and there was no sign of the house, just trees. I tried to move forward, but I couldn't shift my feet. There was something behind me, so I turned my head as far around as I could. Ryan was standing behind me, and I could feel his icy breath on my back, even though I had about three layers of clothing on.''Oh'', I gasped, just like I did during our previous, encounter. The hairs on my neck stood up when he spoke. ''Get out of here'', he whispered. The urgency in his voice sent a shiver down my spine. I was trying desperatley to drag my feet forward, but they wouldn't budge. Something was coming. Ryan had moved from behind me, and he was now standing infront of me, with his back facing me. He was in a protective position, with his arms spread out. His head turned slightly and he looked at me. I returned the gaze for a brief second and couldn't look away. I had never noticed the coulour of his eyes before, maybe beacuse I was never this close. His eyes were like a liquid emerald colour, with a light blue around the edge's. They were beautiful, as was the rest of his face. His features looked like they were marble, carved to perfection. I fought the urge to reach out and touch his face, to see if he actually was made of stone. I had forgotten everything that wasn't Ryan, until he turned swiftly and leaped forward. ''Go, now'', he shouted mid-air, and before I had time to react, I found myself on my bed.

My palms were sweaty and I was panting. I sat up, and sighed. The smell of pizza downstairs filled my room, my stomach groweld and my mouth was dry. I wasn't angry enough to ignore my hunger, and trudged down the stairs. Thomas was kneeling on a chair at the table, half a pizza slice in his hand, he looked content. Tesse was washing the plates, and my mom was drying them, and the loud noise every time she banged plates together didn't make my sudden headache any better. Thier voices as they chatted away were a hundred times louder in my ears. I also heard laughter from the living room, Harry and my dad I guessed, laughing at something on the T.V. I picked crumbs of the pizza box, and then settled for a slice. The noise of the house was becoming increasing louder, so I walked out onto thier decking and collapsed onto the really comfortable swinging chair. I remember the last visit I had here, my feet couldn't touch the ground, and I could lie on the chair from arm to arm no problem. My eyelids became heavy, and I struggled to stay awake. I eventually gave in, and fell asleep.

When I woke up, the sky had turned a fiery red, and a soft breeze was blowing. I heard Leah's voice over everyone else's, and the T.V. was loud. It sounded like everyone was gathered in the living room. I decided to give myself five minutes to wake up and then I would join the party. I slouched into the chair and yawned. I started to think about the wierd dream I had, and what was Ryan's problem with me. Did I have 'hate me' written across my forehead, or was it just me. The way I looked, the way I talked, what the hell was it? I was starting to come up with possible solutions, and from the corner of my eye, Ryan was standing in the door. I really wished he would stop doing that, appearing out of thin air. He walked slowley across the wooden decking and sat on the swinging chair opposite me. ''Hi'', he said, quietly. I rememberd how mad I was at him and didnt say anything, because if I did, I would end up shouting. He looked at me, and then said ''I'm sorry for being so rude to you earlier, it wasn't neccicary''. I looked up and the expression on his face showed that he was thinking each word carefully before he spoke, but he really ment it. I took a deep breath, and said ''Its fine, but whats so -'', he cut me off mid sentence by saying ''Its not safe for you to be walking out in the woods by yourself''. That angered me a little ,''Look, I'm not five, okay. I think I'm old enough to look after myself thanks'', I said, with a little acid in my voice. He sighed. ''How about I show you around the town?'', he raised his eyebrows. ''Uhm, yeah, okay'', I mumbled, loud enough for him to hear, but low enough for him to realise I was still mad. I resented myself for giving in too quickly, but I was never good at holding tempers, and got distracted easily. That was the only reason I said yes, because the idea of getting out of the house was all to inviting. He nodded, and I followed him out the door. Ryan held the passenger door of the red jeep open, with a smirk on his face. I grunted, and climbed into the car. If he thought he had won the right to influence me, he didn't, and he would find that out soon enough.

His house wasn't too far from the town, about 15 minutes drive. I sat in silence the whole way, not in the mood to have conversation. I glanced at his face once, he was so calm. His eyes never left the road, and it looked like he had a firm grip on the steering wheel, because his pale skin was stretched across his bones. We eventually arrived at town, after what felt like an eternity in the car. It started to drizzle a little, so I followed Ryan into the nearest building. I wandered around the shop, and it was only then when I realised we had walked into a .............. The rain was only getting worse, so I sat myself on a seat and sighed. I didn't know where Ryan had gone, and I didn't really care. If he was going to bring me out and leave me, why should I care if he had fallen down a well or gotten lost somewhere, because he obviously didnt care. Two little old women were staring at my, obviously not trying to hide the fact they were talking about me. They had trolleys in one hand and umbrellas in the other. One was wearing a pale yellow headscarf, tied in a bow at her neck. The other had bright red lipstick, and bright blue eyeshadow. I would have guessed that she did her make-up herself. I smiled at them once, but gave up trying to be polite. I got up, and made my way to the door, checking to see if the rain had eased up, planning my great escape on the way. Ryan was leanig against the door frame, hands in pockets, looking like he was posing for a catlouge, or a mens fashion magzine. His head raised to look me in the eye, and I almost walked into a wall. Everytime I looked in his eyes, it was like I was falling further and further into the bottomless pit, but everytime I braced myself for the landing, he broke away. I took a deep breath, and walked quickly by him, out the door.

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This article has 13 comments.

on Aug. 27 2010 at 4:50 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

I liked this part of the story almost as much as the last, but there were a lot more grammatical errors is this one.  I can't find all of the ones I noticed when  I was reading, but here are the ones I can find

"Two little old women were staring at my, obviously not trying to hide the fact that they were talking about me" <-- the 'my' should be 'me'

"Did I have 'hate me' written across my forehed, or was it just me." there should be a '?' at the end of that sentance, not a '.'

"I remembered how mad I was at him and didnt say anything, because if I did, I would end up shouting"  'didnt' should have an apostrphe.

I'm pretty sure there were a couple other mistakes, but I can't find them again.

on Jun. 9 2010 at 2:14 pm
AoifeTracey SILVER, Dublin, Other
6 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dont bend facts to suit theories, rather theories to suit facts.' Unknown

Just to make it clear because it is absent in the story, the place that has the ..............., is what I havent decided on. Does anybody have any suggestions of where they could be? Thanks, Aoifex

on Jun. 9 2010 at 2:11 pm
AoifeTracey SILVER, Dublin, Other
6 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dont bend facts to suit theories, rather theories to suit facts.' Unknown

Sure, I'm gonna make this clear to EVERYONE, there is no evidence of twilight in my next few chapters, so please keep reading. thanks ElliK. for taking the time to comment on this article, hope you read #3&4. Part four is laid out easier but I am guilty of no paragraphs on part 3. Sorriii ! Thanks again, Aoifex

EllieK. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 8 2010 at 8:27 pm
EllieK. BRONZE, Wilmette, Illinois
4 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Not all who wander are lost"
JRR Tolkien

"Sometimes life sucks, so suck it up"

""We succeeded in taking that picture (from deep space), and if you look a it, you see a dot. Thats here. That's home. Thats us. On it, everyone you ever heard of



katie-cat GOLD said...
on Jun. 5 2010 at 11:53 am
katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart, I've left it with you."- Edward Cullen
"To love another person is to see the face of God . . ."- Les Miserables
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her out and let her scream." - Mark Twain

Okay, the first one was better than this one. (sorry :(() and your had a lot of spelling errors.  It was also a little difficult to read because it's not in paragraph form.  I really didn't get the whole thing where she went into the forest again, was that supposed to be a dream or not?  And, I hater to say this, but it's sounding like Twilight, with the "him ignoring her for no reason."  And I agree with Chasethe Wind I'm confused on the ages, but obviously they're at least sixteen, they can drive.  It just needs some polishing up.  It has potential, please keep writing!

on Jun. 3 2010 at 7:40 pm
ChasetheWind BRONZE, Beaver, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
I like this twist, very interesting. But I am a little confused, Ryan has his own house? I thought he lived with his parents, and also how old is Ryan? You may have mentioned this before and I overlooked it, but if you didn't then you should probably include this detail. But over all a great story, alright on to number 3!!!!

Kasumi BRONZE said...
on Jun. 3 2010 at 6:46 pm
Kasumi BRONZE, Mequon, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life can be hard and sad, but there is good things in life, too

You have a really good plot here and you can make a lot of parts feel very realistic, but I think you need to work on grammar a bit and build on sentence structure. 

burnt-toast said...
on May. 27 2010 at 5:37 pm
I like this.. glad I read on :) I agree with whats written below, you write really well so I would definitly reccommend adding a bit more of a personal spark to it. I really loved the description of the women at the end.. not sure why but they really creeped me out.

on May. 27 2010 at 5:16 pm
aaaaaqweqweqwe SILVER, Somewhere, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 67 comments
At this point I can definitely see some "Twilight" influence going on here. Great that your inspired, but especially in the forst scene, it seems like your almost copying aspects out of Twilight i.e. the protective position, him telling her urgently to leave, all that jazz. Throw a tad more originality in there and you've got a winner :)

on May. 26 2010 at 2:25 pm
AoifeTracey SILVER, Dublin, Other
6 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dont bend facts to suit theories, rather theories to suit facts.' Unknown

Thanks so much. Yeah, I agree with the places being confusing, I took it out of a much bigger story I am writting and foolishly forgot to add place names because when I was writting it I was undecided on where to place them, Hha! Thanks again for reading and commenting!

on May. 25 2010 at 4:04 pm
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 168 comments
It good. I feel like its a little jumpy. I feel like Ryan is really mysterious. One second he's weird and stuff, then he's polite. I was really confused during the last paragraph. Where are they? It's good, just some unclear parts. I love the part after she wakes up and she gets pizza. Its so detailed and I can really feel the emotion. Good job. 

on May. 22 2010 at 12:40 am
malibuloveschanel BRONZE, Mesa, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"loving someone means letting go"

kudos to you...another great story:)

on May. 18 2010 at 10:21 am
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
"bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor..."

This is incredibly interesting and captivating!! Please write more, I'm so eager to find out what happens next!


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