Once Upon a Parody: Rapunzel

December 4, 2009
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Once upon a time there was a big, tall tower. It stood a thousand feet tall, with a spire that cut clouds in half. In this tower was a princess to save, a witch to cook, and a dragon to slay who lived outside.

Every day, the witch would climb a thousand stairs to bring the princess her food and sleeping potion, for without it she could not sleep. The dragon would then sit on its haunches and read to her, its head right outside her large window. Then the witch would go downstairs, and conjure up a big meal for the dragon, and eat a poisoned apple. Then they would play cards till midnight, and go to sleep. They did this every day.

One day, Prince Charming came riding up the road on a big black horse. He tried to slay the foul dragon by cutting its head off with his sword, but his sword merely bounced off the dragon’s thick hide. The next day he tried arrows, but they bounced off like the sword. On the third day, Prince Charming discovered that even a dragon will blow up to tiny bits if you shoot it with a bazooka.

Then he tried to kill the witch with his sword, but the witch turned to vapor and the prince ran away. The next day, he tried killing the mage with his bazooka, but that didn’t work either. Then he simply gave the witch an unpoisoned apple, the only thing that can really kill a witch.

Then the prince ordered his workers to build an elevator, because he didn’t want to climb a thousand steps just to kiss his bride awake. When the elevator was finally done and he rode up, he discovered the princess had starved to death.

The prince went home happier anyway—the princess in the next kingdom over was much prettier than the dead one in the tower.

Moral of the story: If you have guys stalking you outside a tower, have your witch bring you lots of food. Or, you know, just fly away to a different tower on the back of your dragon before the prince gets a bazooka. Either one works. Or, if you really wanted to get creative, you could just say the moral of the story is to not eat fried chicken before seven o’clock, but that one doesn’t really make that much sense.

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This article has 18 comments. Post your own now!

VelaneDeBeaute This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 4, 2012 at 11:26 pm
BUAHAHAHA That was funny enough! :D You're an amazing writer! <3 
BubbleWriter said...
Aug. 8, 2012 at 7:35 pm
That was awesome! I loved it!!
claralou1145 said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 2:52 pm
i love it super funny u r an amazing writer
Fizza_98 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 2:50 am
Lol... love it <3
forever_writing said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Omg i loved it!
Halcyon said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 2:54 pm
That was hilarious!!! Great job!!!
JoPepper said...
May 14, 2011 at 7:50 pm
It was funny I loved it made me smile/laugh:D
Nicovera replied...
May 14, 2011 at 8:42 pm
Thanks, Jo! it's always nice to hear reader's feedback
Mudd was here said...
May 12, 2011 at 6:04 pm
yea I've heard that phrase, sorry to offend but I've also heard "speak now, or forever hold your peace." lol have a nice day
Mudd was here said...
May 12, 2011 at 1:31 pm
That was really, really lame... I'm sorry but it was! it just kind of rambled on a wee bit... o well, points for creativity though 
Nicovera replied...
May 12, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Ever heard of the phrase, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don' say anything at all"? Constructive critcism is good, but I can't do a whole lot with "lame". And as for it rambling, it's supposed to be a parody of the story by the Brothers Grimm, which includes their writing style. Thanks for your feedback, though!
Mudd was here replied...
May 12, 2011 at 6:07 pm
yea I've heard that one, sorry to offend you but I've also heard the phrase, "speak now, or forever hold your peace." have a nice day! ~Mudd
f0glilght said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 7:06 am

ohh emmm geee

made me laugh so hard! great work.! i hope i dont starve while waiting on princess charming :/

Kesslire said...
Apr. 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Ha that was great!
Mr Bytor said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 7:01 am

Yes, that tickled my fancy quite well!

Very well done =P .


DinoNugget said...
Feb. 27, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Ahahahahahahaha!!!  I like the last moral.  Great work!  It was very funny and well-written.  Write on!
Nicovera replied...
Feb. 27, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Thanks, Dinonugget!
shopie said...
Nov. 7, 2010 at 4:16 pm
thanks ^^
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