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Monster

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As I'm sitting here, in this box-shaped room, staring at my prey three feet away from me, I am anxious. This child, an innocent child, will die. She is nothing to me, nothing at all. When she wakes, only then will she notice my presence. She is sleeping calmly, probably dreaming sweet childish fantasies of blue skies and purple unicorns flying to see a magical princess. Little does she know that in a few short hours her rosey red complexion will fade away to meet a dull white color. Little does she know that the curls that surround her face will fade and cover a life-less dull face. Little does she know of her radiant blue eyes fading with the sunset. Unlike the sun, her eyes will never surface again.

~Little does she know of the monster I am~



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elfen_girl said...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 11:29 am

totally cool

 u should so adapt this and make it longer.

(i sooooooooooooo want to read more pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease)

 
Dessometrics said...
Oct. 17, 2010 at 2:25 pm
maybe this has a sequel?? lol love it!!
 
Mbookrooted said...
Oct. 12, 2010 at 11:37 am

I could see why your teacher was haha ;)

I really liked it though, especially the comparison of the child's innocence and what will become of her despite it. Good job!

 
elvinchangling55 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 11, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Great work!! the last line is indeed killer. Makes me wonder what kind of monster and why. Love it!
 
sabina22 said...
Oct. 11, 2010 at 4:30 pm
love the last line! it adds a nice touch to it! i like it a lot :)
 
RedXtract said...
Oct. 11, 2010 at 8:33 am
Haha love it! Adding the repetition of,  "Little does she know..." really gave that ominous feeling of the sly mind of the killer.
 
communicativedistractions said...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Love the last line :)
 
iambuert said...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 10:22 am
short and sweet! the perfect combination! <3
 
Macx14 said...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 7:35 am
This kind of writing I consider both bleak and beautiful. Keep writing and check out some of my stuff too if you have time!!
 
qui133 said...
Aug. 29, 2010 at 8:06 pm
there's a song by skillet called Monster, this peice reminds me of it. really cool, just like the song. check out my writing too!
 
copper~lemon~dropThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Cool, keep writing
 
Blue4 said...
Aug. 9, 2010 at 10:54 am

Amazing description, very intriguing! It would make a great story!

By the way, can you read my story, The Whisperer, rate, and critisize? I'd appreciate it.

 
Blue4 replied...
Aug. 9, 2010 at 10:56 am
Oh, and I would suggest that you didn't use "dull" twice in a passage of this length, otherwise perfect!
 
coly33 said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 3:16 pm

wow that gave me chills it was scary but sad to i hope u got anm a for it even though u did freak out the teacher b/c it was really great i loved it

:)

 
DiamondsIntheGrass This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 12:20 pm
is this a story or a discriptive paragraph?
 
Ellawind said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 11:14 am
Ha, I laughed when I read what you said about the teacher. The piece is very descriptive and interesting. It makes you kind of afraid but wanting more simultaneously. Great job! 
 
NekoGirl810 said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 1:15 am
wow, that was creepily awesome
 
_Elsy_ said...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Lol don't listen to your teacher. what you wrote was great. can you check out some of my stuff?
 
Dawnheart said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Loved it! I've posted a few or my school stuff too! (well, the stuff is being reviewed right now) 
 
FantasyROXmySOX13 said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 11:05 am
WOW! That was amazing! I love it!  Heh heh, looks like someone is hungry...XD
 
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