Moonlight Chapter 1.

September 21, 2009
By Natie SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
Natie SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in" -ahaha thats from a Fortune Cookie :D


*Chapter 1.Natalie Roze*
June

The sun’s rays seeped through my curtains illuminating my small, light blue room. The blindingly bright light forced me awake and marked today as a new day.

Today was the first day of summer break in this tiny town of Darrington, Washington. After this little break I would soon be in my junior year at Darrington Highschool.

I got up unwillingly and fixed my bed half-asleep. I dragged my feet down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen where my mom was cooking strawberry pancakes and scrambled eggs. The sweet aroma of the strawberries filled the air making my mouth involuntarily water.

My mother, Irene, was a short and plump, middle-aged woman: she had short, jet black hair, and wise black eyes. She was the typical mom.

I stood next to her while she flipped the pancakes over our tiny stove.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” She greeted me.

“Mornin’ mom.” I yawned loudly.

“Did you get much sleep? You look worn out.” She asked while sat a plate full of food down on our shabby table.

I leaned onto the stove and before I could answer, I yawned even louder.

I suddenly felt a tingly warm feeling on my left hand.

“Natalie, take your hand off that!” She yelled at me.

I realized too late that my hand was placed on the burning hot stove. I lifted my hand to see how much damage I had done this time. Sure enough there was a bloody burn on my palm, and like so many other injuries I had before, I couldn’t feel the pain.

While I stared at the wound, Irene rushed to the fridge and took the butter out. She hurried over to my side, and applied it on my burn.

My bright red palm slowly turned to its regular color, though the new scab was still a little bloody.

Irene wrapped my hand with a bandage, and she turned to her regular color too.

“Calm down, mom.” I soothed her.

She looked up and smiled, embarrassed, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. After all these years, I still panic when you get hurt, how silly.” She laughed nervously.

“Not silly, just careful.” I kissed her on the forehead.




Irene has always been cautious of me, even when it was little things like scratches and little booboos.

I sort of had this disorder called ‘congenital indifference to pain analogous’ which basically means that I could not, in anyway, feel pain.

The doctors said that it had something to do with my nerves, and that there was a specific nerve that sent signals to the brain if something was ‘hurting’ me. But I guess mine wasn’t working right.

My parents didn’t find out that I had this disorder until I was a year and a half years old. It was when I tried to walk but fell forward into a glass cabinet. Then on the way to the emergency room, I was smiling like I didn’t have a care in the world.

That was how I was diagnosed with CIPA. Ever since then my mom has been a teensy bit, too much protective of me (my dad gave up on dealing with my sickness just recently last year).

Even though I had CIPA, Irene let me live my life and allowed me to go to school with the normal kids.

Some kids showed pity towards me because of my sickness, and others chose to ridicule me. I remembered coming home with bruises because the kids challenged me and said that my sickness was fake and that I could feel pain. To prove their points they would push me down the stairs or trip me on purpose.

That part of my life was harder for Irene than it was for me since she was uncertain on whether letting me go to school with other kids or pulling me out and home schooling me. I was able to successfully convince her to let me try to be normal and go to school with other kids.

Out of all the other children, I’ve managed to make a few friends that, didn’t understand what I was going through but, knew that I was still an ordinary person and liked my personalities.

One particular friend was Jason Yullie.

He has been my friend since we were born- we were born coincidentally on the same day, he’s older by a few hours. His dad and my mom were best friends since their childhoods too, and our families have never been apart.

He stood up for me when the older boys patronized me, and he kept me from making bad decisions. He and I enjoyed the same hobbies and each others’ company. We were inseparable.



Irene drank a cup of water to clear her head.

“So you and Jason up to anything today?” She asked to change the subject.

“I think we’re gonna hit the reserve today.” I replied with a mouthful of pancakes.

“Say hi to Lone for me, okay?” She got up to wash her plate.

Suddenly a light tap rattled against the front door, beating a familiar rhythm.

Irene and I both recognized who it was right away.

“Come in, Jason!” Irene shouted. We listened as the door unlocked- we thought it would be better if Jason had his own key to our house since he was here most of the time.

Jason strolled into the kitchen with the big smile he wore so well. His bright teeth shown great contrast with his tan face- I didn’t know how he could be so tan when we lived in a rainy, snowy town(maybe its because we were Sauk- Suiattle).

His hair was in its usual disheveled state, with his dark brown bangs partially covering his soft, dark brown eyes.

He wore a white t-shirt, and his favorite faded denim jeans.

“Good morning, Ms. Roze,” He greeted my mom politely, “Mornin’, Natie,” He grinned at me.

“Hi, Jason,” I smiled back.

He sat in the seat next to mine, grabbed my plate, and started to eat my leftovers- he didn’t like wasting food so he usually ate the food that I never finished (he was like an overgrown dog).

Irene stared at him uncomfortably.

I spoke her mind, “Jason, you know how much my mom feels weird about you eating my scraps. Why can’t you just get your own plate?”

He ate the last piece of my pancake, wiped his mouth then answered, “I’m fine, really. I’m too lazy to get my own plate anyways. When you start to eat all your food is when I’ll start to get my own plate.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Ms. Roze, that was delicious.” He complimented my mom.

“Thank you Jason,” She said as she wiped her hands on a towel. “Natalie, give Jason whatever he needs. I have to get to work now. Love you tons baby.” She kissed me on the forehead then walked out the front door.

Jason and I cleaned up the kitchen- splashing each other with water in between cleaning.

“What are we gonna do today? Are we really going to the reserve?” I asked when we were finished.

“Yeah, but I thought you’d wanna go mountain climbing first.”

“Fine with me…Get the equipment ready while I get changed.”

“Sure. Don’t take too long.” He answered as he went to the basement.

I quickly took a shower, brushed my teeth and hair, and changed into white jeans, a tight blue turtle-neck, a thick white parka and my hiking boots.

I met up with Jason down stairs; he went to go start his black 1998 Jeep Cherokee while I locked the doors.

On my way to Jason’s jeep, I noticed a moving van in front of the house next to mine- nobody has ever lived in that house since Irene and I moved here.

The moving van suddenly started with a huge POP, then drove away. I walked over to the house to quickly greet the new neighbors.

There were only two people inside.

As soon as I stood before their house, a strange, sweet scent filled my lungs; the icky, syrupy aroma burned my nose, but made my mouth water.

I ignored it and knocked on the screen door a bit harder than I expected, I waited to hear something fall since I knew that was bound to startle someone. Instead, one of them hurried to one of the rooms and in less than five seconds the other one showed up in front of me.

I caught my breath as I looked at his face.


The author's comments:
This is the first chapter of my novel 'Moonlight'. Please comment and rate. I seriously need people's oppinion, even if it will hurt, I just need to know what I can do to make it better. If you like it, continue to read the whole story. Enjoy.
-Natie

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 20 comments.


on May. 22 2012 at 11:44 am
BlackLove_RedRose, Bastrop, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
also, i like the chapter. keep it up :)

on May. 22 2012 at 11:44 am
BlackLove_RedRose, Bastrop, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Is this about yourself or is it what you wish your world to be like?

on Oct. 14 2011 at 5:53 pm
RemyMarin BRONZE, Mansfield, Connecticut
4 articles 1 photo 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You really should read more books. You know, those things that look like blocks, but come open on one side."
"I only write when i'm inspired, and I make sure i'm inspired at 9 o'clock every morning."
-Peter DeVries

sorry, me again. just ignore the last one it made no sense after i posted it.

on Oct. 14 2011 at 5:52 pm
RemyMarin BRONZE, Mansfield, Connecticut
4 articles 1 photo 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You really should read more books. You know, those things that look like blocks, but come open on one side."
"I only write when i'm inspired, and I make sure i'm inspired at 9 o'clock every morning."
-Peter DeVries

oh, is the name you gave your character really your name? and if so, do you have that not able to feel pain thing?

on Oct. 14 2011 at 5:50 pm
RemyMarin BRONZE, Mansfield, Connecticut
4 articles 1 photo 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You really should read more books. You know, those things that look like blocks, but come open on one side."
"I only write when i'm inspired, and I make sure i'm inspired at 9 o'clock every morning."
-Peter DeVries

okay... so i read all your articles pertaining to this one and i think you said the web site wouldn't let you post the third chapter because it was too long?  what if you split it into two or more parts, if it's really long? 

Because i seriosly LOVE this story and i think that you need to get this published as a novel. 

p.s. what chapter are you on now???

p.p.s. plz check out some of mine, though it's definately not as good as yours.  i haven't posted anything in the sci-fi/fantasy genre, but that's the type of book i read most often...weird. 


on Jul. 6 2011 at 8:39 am
Autumn-Rain SILVER, West Lafayette, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 74 comments
I liked it... and I liked the way it started out... not telling really what was going on... but then explaining it later... keeps the reader's attention...

on Jun. 5 2011 at 11:41 pm
BreakingInside BRONZE, Pinson, Alabama
4 articles 0 photos 29 comments
I liked it im ready to see the rest

on Feb. 14 2011 at 1:38 pm
traveler03 GOLD, San Juan, Texas
14 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Living is nothing. Dreaming is something.

It's really good but there's a lot of parts that are similar to twilight. 

on Jan. 20 2011 at 5:05 pm
lucybrown SILVER, Blacksburg, Virginia
7 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. ~ From Doctor Who

Wow, this is really creative, I especially like the disease your main character has, I'm not sure if it's real or if you just made it up, but either way, it's awesome!  :) 

 I also love the character Jason, and the cliff-hanger at the end. 

But before I go on to read the next part, I'd like to agree with the person below me- It started kind of slow, and it didn't really pull me in until she 'burned' her hand.

So maybe you could start it in a different way that hooks the reader at an earlier point.  Just an idea, you don't have to do it if you don't want to.  :)

Keep writing, I'm really excited to read the next part!


oriink BRONZE said...
on Sep. 1 2010 at 5:36 pm
oriink BRONZE, Fredricksburg, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you wanna' be, barbie girl."
-Barbie.

I agree with the comment left below me. It made some sense, but i think it's such a commonly used line to describe the morning, it just put the story into a mundane kind of mood. It wasn't spectacular or anything until i got to the middle-ish, which you don't want to do. Someone could easily all together quit reading it cause' they thought, "Oh god, another one?" But i did like it. May i also point out something else? When you described her mother, she seemed possibly close to her, so i don't know about you or anyone else but if i had a pretty good relationship with my mum than i wouldn't say, "She was the typical mom."

It's just not something i'd figure correct in this case. But i could be wrong, your character could have collected data for her hypothisis by interviewing every mom she came acrossed thus supporting the possible idea of the "typical" mom being short, plump, middle-aged, sporting the short black hair look, and being named Irene.

But that's just me.

Great Job, keep me updated though! (:


on Aug. 23 2010 at 10:47 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
Cool, but that part at the beginning about the light seeping in, but also being blinding dosn't make much sense to me.

on Apr. 26 2010 at 10:36 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 268 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

^I'm with Katrina. =]

JHale_44 GOLD said...
on Jan. 6 2010 at 8:36 pm
JHale_44 GOLD, Roseville, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is a mystery, and a lot of mysteries dont get sloved."

- Ivory Tears

Will do. Thanks

Natie SILVER said...
on Jan. 4 2010 at 10:50 pm
Natie SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in" -ahaha thats from a Fortune Cookie :D

glad you liked it :D i red your articals and they are really good, keep writing :D

JHale_44 GOLD said...
on Jan. 2 2010 at 7:20 pm
JHale_44 GOLD, Roseville, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is a mystery, and a lot of mysteries dont get sloved."

- Ivory Tears

Wow. Thats really good.

on Nov. 14 2009 at 2:07 pm
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Death truly makes an artist"

this is amazing i cant wait to read the rest!

Lector S. said...
on Oct. 7 2009 at 12:39 pm
So good! Your Story is coming along nicely from what I have seen.

KatrinaC47 said...
on Sep. 29 2009 at 5:25 pm
KatrinaC47, Loma Rica, California
0 articles 0 photos 30 comments
wow that was amazing!

on Sep. 27 2009 at 4:15 pm
NeverSayNever GOLD, Lumby, Other
12 articles 1 photo 34 comments
Write a book and I will be here to read it like crazy :)

on Sep. 26 2009 at 2:47 pm
EternalMadness GOLD, Fresno, California
13 articles 1 photo 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save their light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide

WOW that is really good. you should keep writing more of this. i will defanitly read it :p


SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!