June 16, 2009
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August 1859- Walla Walla, Washington

It thundered viciously outside. The rain hammered against the roof, and the wind banged on our windows.

My father, Abram, was upstairs arguing hotly with my uncle, Levi.

“Don’t worry, Ethan. They will join us in a while,” My mother, Abigail, rubbed my hand in comfort.

It was my seventeenth birthday today.

Levi ‘claims’ that he came here to wish me a happy birthday, and that he ‘missed’ me.

But I knew better.

I knew he was here to ask Abram for something, or to argue with him.

Either way, I hated my uncle.

Every time he visited he caused trouble. Of all the days, he chose today to make my life miserable.

The worst part about my uncle was that he was flawless- aside from his personality.

He had dark, jet black hair like my dad and pale skin. He had ice blue eyes that made me envious, and it seemed as if he never ages-he looked the same when I was five and he came to visit.

And that’s why I even hate him more, because he makes me so jealous to the point of agony.

The candle of the cake melted and was now a disfigured shape on top, with a weak flame.

I was close to falling asleep when Abram and Levi stomped down the stairs of our small, shabby house.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Ethan,” Abram apologized as he sat next to me. He grasped at the key that was always on his neck- he only did this when he was anxious or stressed out.

Levi eyed him carefully.

“So, seventeen…You’re getting closer to becoming a man,” Levi tried to make conversation with me.

“Yeah, what’s it to you,” I answered, I tried to put just enough anger in my voice to make it clear that I despised him.

“I just thought you’d be a little more excited about it,” He got the message.

“Why the hell would I be happy with you around?!” I shouted in his face.

“Ethan!” Abram warned.

“Sorry,” I looked down, embarrassed.

“It’s fine,” Levi allowed.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” I mumbled.

Levi looked as if he would hit me in the face if my father wasn’t right there. I would’ve begged him to too; I would take any excuse to be able to punch him back.

I smirked in response.

“That boy of yours needs some discipline, Abe,” He instructed my father.

“Well, since he’s my boy I will raise him the way I want to,” Abram answered back.

Abigail felt the tension in the room and interrupted.

“Happy birthday, Ethan,” She kissed me on the forehead and pulled the cake closer. “Blow your candle so that we may begin to eat,”

Everybody stared at me- though Levi glared- while I took a deep breath.

Suddenly, before I could let it out, the front door busted open. Cold air and wet leaves blew in.

“Levi, take Ethan!” My father shouted.

Confused and worried, Levi yanked my arm. I refused to go anywhere with him.

“Mom, Dad, what’s happening?”

“Get out of here, Ethan!” Abram yelled at me with terror in his eyes. I never thought I would live the day when my father was actually scared.


“Ethan, listen to your father!” Abigail mirrored his expression.

A tiny girl stepped into our house with, what I could assume was three dogs.

The girl looked about six years old- and yet my parents had fear in their eyes.

She had long, wavy, blond hair and pallid white skin. Her eyes were bright red, and her pale lips were into turned into a malicious smirk.

The beasts next to her were huger than dogs. They had razor sharp teeth and had gigantic muscles that stretched out their dark black fur. They looked more like wolves than dogs.

Their eyes were blood red too.

“Hello, Abram,” She greeted him. Her voice was shrillingly high, it hurt my eardrums.

“Leave now, Nimora,” Abram warned nervously.

“Ah, Abram, is that any way to treat your guests?” She asked mockingly. The giggle that followed hurt my ears more than her voice.

“What do you want?!”

“You know what I want,” She replied, annoyed. “I want my master’s key,” She added to make it clear.

“You’re never going to get it!”

“Well then we’ll have to take it from you,” She ordered her devil dogs to attack.

Abram and Abigail charged at Nimora.

In less than a minute I saw my own parent’s death. The overgrown dogs got to them, and all I could do was watch.

I didn’t know what to think. I was more appalled than scared. I shook in terror, and I could feel Levi shaking too.

But he wasn’t shaking in terror.

As I glanced at him, his eyes weren’t ice blue anymore. They were literally pitch black. His pallid skin turned whiter than white. Two razor sharp fangs pointed out. His nails suddenly got longer and sharper too.

Before I could blink he turned into a horrifying creature.

He shook in anger.

A loud growl rippled from the center of his chest. He suddenly crouched forward and attacked the two wolves.

He moved so amazingly fast- faster than light.

He bolted from one wolf to another as he slashed and kicked at their humongous bodies.

With only one bite to each of their necks, the wolves fell at his feet and quivered in pain- as if his bite was deadly.

Nimora crouched just as he did and attacked me while the third wolf attacked Levi.

I fell on the floor, helpless, and watched as Levi took out the last wolf.

With no scratches on him, he stared at me on the floor bleeding to death. And for the first time he actually showed some kind of feeling towards me other than hate.


“Ethan,” He whispered in horror.

He turned to glare at Nimora, who saw that she had no chance of winning.

She glided towards the door and smiled her malicious smirk.

“I will be back to take my master’s key,” She parted and disappeared.

Levi quickly ran to my father’s bloody corpse and took his necklace. Then he double backed to me.

He did the most unusual thing.

He bit my neck, and inserted something cold into me.

The small, cold object was stuck in my esophagus; it scratched the walls of my throat when I tried to clear it.

I stared at him with confusion.

I felt a hazy feeling around my neck. A flaming inferno took place in the same area.

I twitched and convulsed in pain.

My eyesight got blurry and everything turned black. But not before I heard Levi quietly mumble something.

I’m sorry, but I have turned you into me now… You need to live to protect the key. Endure the pain…like a man.

There I understood, not exactly but mostly, what was going on.

I was being turned into the same monster he was.

Join the Discussion

This article has 26 comments. Post your own now!

Eliahumandoglover said...
Dec. 17, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Are you writing more? Please write more. I need to know what happens next. Great descriptions. So much action. So GOOD.
PeaceLoveMusic77 said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 9:43 am

I absolutely love this!! I almost threw a fit when I got to the end :p

Also I would just like to say, personally I think you should publish it, because for EVERY book in the world, there are people who love it and people who don't. And so far from the prologue Im pretty sure MOST people would love it :) Please publish, you are extremly talented :)

lucybrown2010 said...
Jan. 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I love the action in this, and the story is so creative!

I agree with the other posters-It's not like Twilight at all!

ThatClarinetPerson said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 10:50 am


cool! i like it! you have a really good idea. i would add more details to add interest. like, what makes the house shabby? what did the cake look like? my language arts teacher always says show not tell. you told us that Nimora has pallid skin. maybe you could say that it was the color of paper or snow or something. but i really liked this.

lime921 said...
May 1, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Serendipity-Pen replied...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 8:09 pm

Wow, that was really good!


katie-cat said...
May 1, 2010 at 5:00 pm
This was pretty good, and you were right, it really isn't remotely close to Twilight.  I think that's why it's really hard to write fantasy books, or actually any book, right now because it's always going to be compared to Twilight, even if it's the slightest thing, like using a word that Stephenie Meyer used.  So far I think this story is going well.  Keep writing!
Squidney1014 said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Wow! You wrote this so well! It doesn't seem at all like Twilight, but I do like it!!! Can't wait until you write the actual story!!!
nomarfan18 said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 1:01 am
This is reminiscent of Twilight, but it is still a good story. Are you aware of the short-lived but wonderful TV show named "Moonlight"? It was about a good vampire (he got his blood from a blood bank) in love with a human. Aside from what that brief description suggests, it was quite different from Twilight. Anyways, could you read my vampire story? http ://www.teenink .com /fiction/sci_fi_fantasy/article/129975/Abby-Carter-Vampire-Nurse/
Sara! said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 9:39 am
Wow! if this was a book, I'd DEFINITELY buy it!!
Ridelova101 said...
Dec. 20, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I like it. It seems simular to twilight but I can see that your story is different in a way.
Breakdancegrl said...
Nov. 6, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Love it but put some variety in your sentence length, and more description.
Elaboration is important
lightbearer replied...
Nov. 19, 2009 at 11:56 am
don't take it personally, but it sounds alot like twilight. i loved twilight, but i think that people need to quit trying to write about vampirtes and move onto something better.
Natie replied...
Nov. 26, 2009 at 4:30 am
I completely understand:) I know that a lot of people have TRIED to write more things concerning vampires, I think it sometimes gets annoying, but in my story I'm trying to create something besides the 'Bella and Edward' relationship. You follow? But yeah I'm starting to doubt whether or not I should publish this, aside from the wonderful comments, this decision is strictly my personal opinion. Oh and btw, you have some amazing poems:)
lightbearer replied...
Nov. 26, 2009 at 8:05 am
don't worry about it. if your creating something new, then i'm all for it. as writers that what we do. we take what we now and twist it to make something better. i even wrote the begining of what could be a novel, about vampires. its called shadows. you should check it out. but you should keep on writing moonlight, its really good. sorry i took my vampire annoyance out on u.
Natie said...
Oct. 21, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I appreciate everyone's good feedback...I just hope evryone knows that I am still in the process of editing this book, so what you guys are reading are just bits and pieces..So don't be surprised if some details are different in the published book(if I ever do publish it).
crazydaisycupcake said...
Oct. 15, 2009 at 9:28 pm
This is awesome! Totally make it into a book!
Leah M. said...
Sept. 23, 2009 at 10:03 pm
OMG that is SO good. I would totally buy it.
JillianHale replied...
Sept. 26, 2009 at 9:30 am
Wow. Hey, sorry it took so long for me to comment. But this is truly amazing writing. I loved it. the other commentor and I share a mutual love of your work. I, too, would buy it. Good work :)
Lector S. said...
Sept. 21, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Where is the add to favorites button?
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