Moonlight

June 16, 2009
By Natie SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
Natie SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in" -ahaha thats from a Fortune Cookie :D


*PROLOGUE*
August 1859- Walla Walla, Washington

It thundered viciously outside. The rain hammered against the roof, and the wind banged on our windows.

My father, Abram, was upstairs arguing hotly with my uncle, Levi.

“Don’t worry, Ethan. They will join us in a while,” My mother, Abigail, rubbed my hand in comfort.



It was my seventeenth birthday today.

Levi ‘claims’ that he came here to wish me a happy birthday, and that he ‘missed’ me.

But I knew better.

I knew he was here to ask Abram for something, or to argue with him.

Either way, I hated my uncle.

Every time he visited he caused trouble. Of all the days, he chose today to make my life miserable.

The worst part about my uncle was that he was flawless- aside from his personality.

He had dark, jet black hair like my dad and pale skin. He had ice blue eyes that made me envious, and it seemed as if he never ages-he looked the same when I was five and he came to visit.

And that’s why I even hate him more, because he makes me so jealous to the point of agony.


The candle of the cake melted and was now a disfigured shape on top, with a weak flame.

I was close to falling asleep when Abram and Levi stomped down the stairs of our small, shabby house.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Ethan,” Abram apologized as he sat next to me. He grasped at the key that was always on his neck- he only did this when he was anxious or stressed out.

Levi eyed him carefully.

“So, seventeen…You’re getting closer to becoming a man,” Levi tried to make conversation with me.

“Yeah, what’s it to you,” I answered, I tried to put just enough anger in my voice to make it clear that I despised him.

“I just thought you’d be a little more excited about it,” He got the message.

“Why the hell would I be happy with you around?!” I shouted in his face.

“Ethan!” Abram warned.

“Sorry,” I looked down, embarrassed.

“It’s fine,” Levi allowed.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” I mumbled.

Levi looked as if he would hit me in the face if my father wasn’t right there. I would’ve begged him to too; I would take any excuse to be able to punch him back.

I smirked in response.

“That boy of yours needs some discipline, Abe,” He instructed my father.

“Well, since he’s my boy I will raise him the way I want to,” Abram answered back.

Abigail felt the tension in the room and interrupted.

“Happy birthday, Ethan,” She kissed me on the forehead and pulled the cake closer. “Blow your candle so that we may begin to eat,”

Everybody stared at me- though Levi glared- while I took a deep breath.

Suddenly, before I could let it out, the front door busted open. Cold air and wet leaves blew in.

“Levi, take Ethan!” My father shouted.

Confused and worried, Levi yanked my arm. I refused to go anywhere with him.

“Mom, Dad, what’s happening?”

“Get out of here, Ethan!” Abram yelled at me with terror in his eyes. I never thought I would live the day when my father was actually scared.

“But-”

“Ethan, listen to your father!” Abigail mirrored his expression.

A tiny girl stepped into our house with, what I could assume was three dogs.

The girl looked about six years old- and yet my parents had fear in their eyes.

She had long, wavy, blond hair and pallid white skin. Her eyes were bright red, and her pale lips were into turned into a malicious smirk.

The beasts next to her were huger than dogs. They had razor sharp teeth and had gigantic muscles that stretched out their dark black fur. They looked more like wolves than dogs.

Their eyes were blood red too.

“Hello, Abram,” She greeted him. Her voice was shrillingly high, it hurt my eardrums.

“Leave now, Nimora,” Abram warned nervously.

“Ah, Abram, is that any way to treat your guests?” She asked mockingly. The giggle that followed hurt my ears more than her voice.

“What do you want?!”

“You know what I want,” She replied, annoyed. “I want my master’s key,” She added to make it clear.

“You’re never going to get it!”

“Well then we’ll have to take it from you,” She ordered her devil dogs to attack.

Abram and Abigail charged at Nimora.

In less than a minute I saw my own parent’s death. The overgrown dogs got to them, and all I could do was watch.

I didn’t know what to think. I was more appalled than scared. I shook in terror, and I could feel Levi shaking too.

But he wasn’t shaking in terror.

As I glanced at him, his eyes weren’t ice blue anymore. They were literally pitch black. His pallid skin turned whiter than white. Two razor sharp fangs pointed out. His nails suddenly got longer and sharper too.

Before I could blink he turned into a horrifying creature.

He shook in anger.

A loud growl rippled from the center of his chest. He suddenly crouched forward and attacked the two wolves.

He moved so amazingly fast- faster than light.

He bolted from one wolf to another as he slashed and kicked at their humongous bodies.

With only one bite to each of their necks, the wolves fell at his feet and quivered in pain- as if his bite was deadly.

Nimora crouched just as he did and attacked me while the third wolf attacked Levi.

I fell on the floor, helpless, and watched as Levi took out the last wolf.

With no scratches on him, he stared at me on the floor bleeding to death. And for the first time he actually showed some kind of feeling towards me other than hate.

Fear.

“Ethan,” He whispered in horror.

He turned to glare at Nimora, who saw that she had no chance of winning.

She glided towards the door and smiled her malicious smirk.

“I will be back to take my master’s key,” She parted and disappeared.

Levi quickly ran to my father’s bloody corpse and took his necklace. Then he double backed to me.

He did the most unusual thing.

He bit my neck, and inserted something cold into me.

The small, cold object was stuck in my esophagus; it scratched the walls of my throat when I tried to clear it.

I stared at him with confusion.

I felt a hazy feeling around my neck. A flaming inferno took place in the same area.

I twitched and convulsed in pain.

My eyesight got blurry and everything turned black. But not before I heard Levi quietly mumble something.

I’m sorry, but I have turned you into me now… You need to live to protect the key. Endure the pain…like a man.

There I understood, not exactly but mostly, what was going on.

I was being turned into the same monster he was.


The author's comments:
This is the prologue to the book I'm working on called "Moonlight". I was actually inspired by the "Twilight" Saga to write this book. My book is not anywhere similar to Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight" though. "Moonlight" is made entirely by me, and I do not want people to think that I'm trying to copy a masterpiece such as the "Twilight" Saga. So please enjoy on this small project I'm working on, and I would like to recieve your comments and suggestions.

-Natie

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This article has 26 comments.


on Dec. 17 2011 at 7:09 pm
Eliahumandoglover SILVER, San Francisco, California
5 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream." --Mark Twain "Being tactful is saying someone is open-minded when they have a hole in their head."by???

Are you writing more? Please write more. I need to know what happens next. Great descriptions. So much action. So GOOD.

on Jul. 15 2011 at 9:43 am
LiveForLove BRONZE, Uvalde, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, just to confuse people :)

Live like you're dying, Dream as if you'll live forever :)

Peace, Love, Music, Happiness. That's all you need. :)

I absolutely love this!! I almost threw a fit when I got to the end :p

Also I would just like to say, personally I think you should publish it, because for EVERY book in the world, there are people who love it and people who don't. And so far from the prologue Im pretty sure MOST people would love it :) Please publish, you are extremly talented :)


on Jan. 20 2011 at 5:16 pm
lucybrown SILVER, Blacksburg, Virginia
7 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. ~ From Doctor Who

I love the action in this, and the story is so creative!

I agree with the other posters-It's not like Twilight at all!


on Oct. 2 2010 at 10:50 am
ThatClarinetPerson SILVER, Tequesta, Florida
8 articles 0 photos 227 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life. Don't talk to me about life."
~Marvin the Paranoid Android (from the Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series)
Statistical analysis suggests that i am probably in tune with someone
(hahahahaha! I love this cause i'm never ever ever in tune >o

natie--

cool! i like it! you have a really good idea. i would add more details to add interest. like, what makes the house shabby? what did the cake look like? my language arts teacher always says show not tell. you told us that Nimora has pallid skin. maybe you could say that it was the color of paper or snow or something. but i really liked this.


on Sep. 10 2010 at 8:09 pm
Serendipity_Pen GOLD, Shakopee, Minnesota
12 articles 28 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible."
~ Arthur C. Clarke
"Better to remain silent and thought a fool then to speak and remove all doubt." ~Abraham Lincoln

Wow, that was really good!

 


on May. 1 2010 at 8:58 pm
TrulyRosa BRONZE, Beaverton, Oregon
2 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Play the wrong note and we'll all b[e] flat."

interesting

katie-cat GOLD said...
on May. 1 2010 at 5:00 pm
katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart, I've left it with you."- Edward Cullen
"To love another person is to see the face of God . . ."- Les Miserables
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her out and let her scream." - Mark Twain

This was pretty good, and you were right, it really isn't remotely close to Twilight.  I think that's why it's really hard to write fantasy books, or actually any book, right now because it's always going to be compared to Twilight, even if it's the slightest thing, like using a word that Stephenie Meyer used.  So far I think this story is going well.  Keep writing!

on Mar. 18 2010 at 8:30 pm
Psychic_Sky13 GOLD, York, Pennsylvania
11 articles 0 photos 19 comments
Wow! You wrote this so well! It doesn't seem at all like Twilight, but I do like it!!! Can't wait until you write the actual story!!!

on Feb. 24 2010 at 1:01 am
nomarfan18 SILVER, Anaheim, California
5 articles 0 photos 10 comments
This is reminiscent of Twilight, but it is still a good story. Are you aware of the short-lived but wonderful TV show named "Moonlight"? It was about a good vampire (he got his blood from a blood bank) in love with a human. Aside from what that brief description suggests, it was quite different from Twilight. Anyways, could you read my vampire story? http ://www.teenink .com /fiction/sci_fi_fantasy/article/129975/Abby-Carter-Vampire-Nurse/

on Feb. 2 2010 at 9:39 am
SaraRoxsHerSox SILVER, McVeytown, Pennsylvania
7 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Brochacho!"

Wow! if this was a book, I'd DEFINITELY buy it!!

Ridelova101 said...
on Dec. 20 2009 at 1:48 pm
I like it. It seems simular to twilight but I can see that your story is different in a way.

on Nov. 26 2009 at 8:05 am
lightbearer GOLD, North Bloomfield, Ohio
15 articles 0 photos 19 comments
don't worry about it. if your creating something new, then i'm all for it. as writers that what we do. we take what we now and twist it to make something better. i even wrote the begining of what could be a novel, about vampires. its called shadows. you should check it out. but you should keep on writing moonlight, its really good. sorry i took my vampire annoyance out on u.

Natie SILVER said...
on Nov. 26 2009 at 4:30 am
Natie SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in" -ahaha thats from a Fortune Cookie :D

I completely understand:) I know that a lot of people have TRIED to write more things concerning vampires, I think it sometimes gets annoying, but in my story I'm trying to create something besides the 'Bella and Edward' relationship. You follow? But yeah I'm starting to doubt whether or not I should publish this, aside from the wonderful comments, this decision is strictly my personal opinion. Oh and btw, you have some amazing poems:)

-Natie

on Nov. 19 2009 at 11:56 am
lightbearer GOLD, North Bloomfield, Ohio
15 articles 0 photos 19 comments
don't take it personally, but it sounds alot like twilight. i loved twilight, but i think that people need to quit trying to write about vampirtes and move onto something better.

on Nov. 14 2009 at 2:15 pm
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Death truly makes an artist"

i would too

on Nov. 6 2009 at 5:17 pm
Breakdancegrl SILVER, San Antonio, Texas
9 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Anything below perfection is complete and utter failure" Hugh Himwich
"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" Dumbledore: A Very Potter Musical

Love it but put some variety in your sentence length, and more description.

Elaboration is important

Natie SILVER said...
on Oct. 21 2009 at 12:39 pm
Natie SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in" -ahaha thats from a Fortune Cookie :D

I appreciate everyone's good feedback...I just hope evryone knows that I am still in the process of editing this book, so what you guys are reading are just bits and pieces..So don't be surprised if some details are different in the published book(if I ever do publish it).

on Oct. 15 2009 at 9:28 pm
crazydaisycupcake BRONZE, Omaha, Nebraska
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
\"Life isn\'t about waiting for the storm to pass, it\'s about getting out there and dancing in the rain\"

This is awesome! Totally make it into a book!

on Sep. 26 2009 at 9:30 am
Madelyn1231 GOLD, Virginia Beach, Virginia
14 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why must the bounds of love and hate continually be so muddled?

Wow. Hey, sorry it took so long for me to comment. But this is truly amazing writing. I loved it. the other commentor and I share a mutual love of your work. I, too, would buy it. Good work :)

on Sep. 23 2009 at 10:03 pm
leopardfire BRONZE, Port Angeles, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments
OMG that is SO good. I would totally buy it.


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