Lost Forever In His Eyes

October 30, 2008
Jake pretended like he didn’t care too much. However, I knew he was upset by my news. So upset he actually had to turn away from me so I couldn’t see his tears. I knew he was crying though. I know how he feels, even though he would never admit it.

I might sound like a horrible person to you right now, but to tell you the truth, it was a test. I don’t like Sammy, I never have. I try not to throw up just thinking about seeing him again. Brown hair, gorgeous blue eyes, kind smile. It doesn’t sound so bad, does it? I guess I’m just crazy then. But hey, Sammy doesn’t have the one thing I want: he’s not Jake. He’ll never be Jake. Case closed.

I ran around Jake to his front, grasped his shoulders with both hands, and looked him straight in the eyes. His eyes, green like mine, hurt, but trying not to be. I tried not to get lost as I took a gulp of air.

His eyes.

“What do you think of Sammy? I mean, I care, I really care.” I rubbed his shoulder as a sign of my words.

He just shook his head, his brown- blond hair falling in his face. Beautiful, perfect hair. It was dyed blond, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. It was still his hair. He flipped it out of his eyes, gently removing himself from my grasp as well.

His hair.

“He seems like a nice guy. I’m glad you have someone like I do.” his lips tried to give a smile of encouragement, but his eyes still wouldn’t hide their sorrow.

His lips, you could get lost in their words. I always did, every time I heard his voice. However, now I tried to control myself.

His lips.

I shrugged. “Thanks. How is Georgia?” I tried to sound offhanded, but I’m not a terribly good liar myself.

He looked at me like I tried to strangle him. “She’s great. She’s at a soccer game right now. I hope she wins.” He stared off into the distance. I knew that he probably had no idea where she was.

I nodded. “That’s good. Sammy’s in Florida, surfing.” I tried to sound like I wasn’t trying to care. Wasn’t working.

“He just left you here, all by yourself?” What was that look in his eyes, anger?

“No, I’m not alone. I have you, silly.” Jake smiled. These were the words he wanted to hear. However, his voice, this time, expressed sadness.

“I just don’t think that it’s right for your guy to go surfing and not take you with him.” “Your guy.” He makes that sound so poisonous.

I laughed. “Oh, you know I don’t like surfing.” Besides, I thought, I don’t really want to be around him at all. It’s better that he’s far, far away.

Jake looked at me, puzzled, and then looked around him. “Where’s your roommate?”

I had to think for a moment. Remembering that we were in my cramped dorm room about to watch a movie was hard to recall. I guessed that I really did get lost in his eyes again. Amazing how that happens and I never realize it. That’s not the way it is with Sammy. I’m looking for exit lights with that boy.

“Oh,” I said offhandedly, “she’s spending the weekend at her parent’s house. I’m glad she’s gone.”

“You don’t like your roommate?” Jake asked as he fell back into my bed, like he owned the place. He was here so often though, and it looked so natural. All I wanted to do was fall into his arms and forget about Sammy and my roommate and school and this small room. However, I restrained. Why, oh why, did I restrain?

“It’s not that I don’t like her, it’s just that this is our weekend. I don’t like people disturbing the peace.” I pulled my small TV set out of the closet and set it on the table.

“That’s understandable. I like our alone time myself.”

I laughed quietly. Of course you do. Why won’t you admit why? Having plugged the TV into a nearby socket and setting it on my desk, I went over to my collection of DVDs against the wall. I had a large selection, almost as large as the amount of books I kept in a shelf above my bed. What can I say? I like to read.

“What are you in the mood for?” I asked Jake as I searched for the perfect movie.

“Something gruesome. I want some blood.” Jake was got up from the bed and came over to the corner where I was searching.

I poked his nose. “Do your selection preferences ever change?” He laughed. What a gorgeous smile.

“Not until I get my preference choice.” He poked my nose back.

I laughed and shook my head. “I’m never in the mood for blood and guts, Deary. Pick something else.” Jake smiled. He leaned over me, his head resting on my shoulder, and scanned the DVD titles with his forefinger. How natural it felt to have him there. Did he notice the rightness of that position? Well, of course he did. He must have. That was too strong a feeling for me to share alone.

After a few seconds of careful searching, Jake tapped on a DVD with an orange and white cover. “Juno? I would expect you to pick something a little, newer.”

He smiled. “I actually like this movie. Besides, it’s only what, five years old? That’s not much.” He got up and walked over to the DVD player. I stayed down, paralyzed by our closeness.

“Five years can be a very long time, though. I mean, we’ve been best friends for five years. I consider that to be a very long time.” I got up then, walked over to him, and made eye contact.

He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. In that sense, five years is almost forever.” He smiled at me, but his eyes were unfocused. Perhaps mine were too. Perhaps we went back to the same day, a little less than five years ago. That first day at camp our second time around…

Join the Discussion

This article has 23 comments. Post your own now!

Aaliyah02 said...
Apr. 4, 2016 at 11:00 am
So great! Keep writing! I so need to find out more!
KittyKat1419 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 18, 2015 at 6:01 pm
I enjoyed reading this. I really did. I think this would be great as a novel and I hope you continue I write more.
TheBlackRose said...
Feb. 7, 2015 at 3:09 pm
You totally get what it´s like to be in love with your best mate! I´ve been through it and it´s exactly like that. I hope they finally have the guts to tell each other... I don´t think there is anyother way round it. Keep it up!
landpearl said...
Jan. 20, 2015 at 8:25 pm
I love how you so clearly expressed most feelings in love. You get it. Great job.
ChelseaMarie123 said...
Jan. 20, 2015 at 6:16 pm
I really liked it. It's definitely relatable. Nice job!
Kimm_G said...
Dec. 29, 2014 at 12:12 pm
Oh this was so well written it made me so sad. I find it very relatable as well as a lot of people.
NeverjustOne said...
May 16, 2014 at 9:29 pm
This is really well done. I love it! It has a couple of minor grammar bits but otherwise great. Keep writing!
ShadowPen said...
May 16, 2014 at 1:36 am
oh how you have described my life. i adore this, its so like what im going through. Keep writing!
haley101 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 28, 2013 at 11:31 pm
i really love this! it's so beautful, and natural. It's how I want to write. I'm currently writing a book sort of like this, I was wondering if you could check it out, and I've revised it since I posted it on Teen Ink, but if you could check it out, that would be awesome. TeenInk.com/novels/romance/book/117565/Protection/ and this one:  TeenInk.com/fiction/realistic_fiction/article/556233/These-Dark-Corners/  
yourlove-mywings said...
May 8, 2013 at 12:52 pm
I liked your story. It was very good. I would love for you to keep writing. I want them to end up together. Them being Jake and his best friend. They are perfect together. I love it!!!! Good job... very good job.
LindzL said...
Oct. 25, 2009 at 12:39 pm
you're an amazing writer! keep writing!
north-to-beautiful said...
Oct. 7, 2009 at 5:13 pm
i liked this piece very much. I shall be waiting for the sequal soon. Keep up the good work. and by the way - I WISH I WAS THE CHARACTER. : )
pndze said...
Oct. 5, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Wow! That was really great! My friend and I write, and she has a story where the guy and the girl are friends and they like each other, but won't admit it. I love that kind of writing. But what happens next?! I really want to know! I don't know if I'll be able to wait for more! Just kidding. Keep writing!!!
Ildi S. said...
Sept. 29, 2009 at 3:58 pm
wow that was soooo good i think you should keep on writing it! you are an awesome writer!
Stephenmcrey said...
Apr. 6, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Really good job!
Could you check this out to give me feedback?

artofthedeath replied...
Sept. 21, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Thanks for the comment! Unfortunately, Stephan (?), that is no longer a link. If you gave me another one, I would be happy to read your writing!
Emily_S. said...
Mar. 27, 2009 at 1:45 am
That is really nice! I could see you going somewhere with this. I wish i had the time and the privacy to write..
Amber D. said...
Mar. 5, 2009 at 1:31 am
Hey, wow! That was amazing. I felt as though I were there, watching everything take place. It's so romantic, and yet suspencful. You're constantly waiting to see what the characters are going to do next!
Austin said...
Mar. 3, 2009 at 7:30 am
I'd like to see a more... descriptive input. I mean, you have description on every line, but it also needs diversity. Here's a good suggestion: pick a word. look for a more beautiful word for it with its synonyms in a dictionary (i use wordweb computer dictionary, it's a free download and gets it done quick). ie, amazing. you could find synonyms like mystifying, vexing, bewildering.... there's better ones but i don't feel like thinking right now.... and just play with that one bea... (more »)
ezsmilesannemarie said...
Dec. 4, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Oooh. I knew EXACTLY who you were talking about when I started to get into it... Aw. That's so cute. =) I'm starting to get more of a feel for what the atmosphere is like between you guys. =D
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