As I said goodbye one last time, I felt a throbbing ache creeping into the very depths of my heart. I didn't know it was going to be this hard to let go of “my other half” but it had to be done. I could feel his stare burning in the back of my head. I wanted to turn around but I couldn't bear to see the anger and the hurt in his eyes. The guilt would eat me alive , bit by bit, until I was nothing but a soul filled with contrition . I could just picture his gaze; filled with accusation and a touch of pain aimed at me for breaking his heart and his trust as well. He had given me all his love with an expectation that I would return the love to him. But I couldn't. So what was I supposed to say? Love should be something that is expressed in everything you do; it can’t be forced, no matter how much you try to gain that loving feeling. Love is interconnected with truth. They bind you in chains and force you to do what your heart says is right but they leave you lying there, feeling hopelessly dejected. At least, that’s what my sister told me when her fiancé broke her heart and left her waiting on her wedding day. You shouldn't have to lie or hide anything from the one you love. They should be able to understand everything without being told a single thing. He should put a smile on your face whenever he does something sweet or even stupid. The feeling you get when you are with him, should be the happiest few moments of your entire life. But they aren't and they weren't. So why should I lie to him and keep both of us unhappy? Isn't love telling someone the truth even if it might hurt them? Maybe not. But even if it isn't, then so be it. I am not chained to anyone nor their love. I am free.
June 1, 2013