I grew up in North Attleboro, MA but moved to Sacramento, California when I was 10 years old. For a while I didn’t talk to anyone because I missed my old home but I eventually made friends and had a great time. I started high school loving little kids so I decided to be a teacher.

In high school I majored in teaching hoping to be good enough to get a job and become a 2nd grade teacher. I had lots of friends but only a few close ones because most people thought of me as a nerd and only talked to me when they needed help with homework or on a test. As I went through high school I learned many lessons that have helped me through the rest of my life. I learned that you can’t always trust people because my boyfriend took advantage of me, but he’s sorry now because his parents are forcing him to marry me and help take care of the twins. The only upside to the whole situation is that he’s rich so we can hire a nanny and I can stay in school and become a teacher. We agreed as soon as I’m through with college we will get a divorce because I can then take care of the twins on my own by becoming a teacher. I finished high school with flying colors and got an acceptance from Harvard. I spent my summer spending as much time as I could with the twins because they were staying in Sacramento with their dad since he wasn’t going to college. He already had a job at his father’s company so he didn’t need to go. He didn’t love me but he loved the kids so I knew nothing would happen to them.

When I got to Harvard I was surrounded by millions of people I didn’t know where as in high school I had known the same kids since I moved there. I was scared!!! But my roommate was helpful. We surprisingly had all the same classes so she helped me around. My classes were a lot harder then they had been in high school. My roommate, Jenny, and I decided to spend spring break together. We were going to a bar with a bunch of our other friends when she told me she couldn’t drink. I didn’t understand so I asked her what she meant and she told me she and Jeremy were expecting. I told her we could leave and we did. We went to Jeremy’s dorm so I could congratulate him only to find he wasn’t there but his lazy roommate Justin was. Jenny had told me about him but she had been wrong in my opinion, if not for my husband at home I would have loved to spend time with him. We got back to our dorm and watched Titanic. After the movie Jenny and I talked about Justin. Jenny told me that he was depressed and never had a girlfriend. I felt bad and told her that I kind of liked him. She laughed and said I should go out with him. I thought about my husband back home, no one knew about him but they knew I never dated other guys. I knew I could trust Jenny so I told her about my stupid prom night, my stupid husband, his stupid money paying for my college, and our wonderful twin babies. She stared at me for a long time and finally she laughed. She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone and I believed her. She told me I could still date Justin if I wanted. I told her I wouldn’t do that to my husband even if we were really in love. She told me to be more adventurous. “Justin never dates girls for more then 2 weeks anyway. You date him for a little while then go home to your husband pretending nothing happened.” She made it sound so easy that I believed her and said ok. The next day we made plans to go to the mall and pick out cute outfits for our dates that weekend, even though I didn’t technically have one yet. We walked through a bunch of stores and Jenny started getting tired so we decided to have lunch. She wanted Subway so we went and ordered and who was behind the counter you may wonder. It was Justin!!! I whirled around, “You planned this didn’t you?”
“Maybe, maybe not!!!” I was so angry with Jenny that I didn’t notice Justin staring at me. When I turned around Justin blurted out, “Will you go out with me Saturday night?”
“Of course!!!” I said. We talked about plans and times and decided the movies at eight were best. We were going to see something I had never heard of so I guessed it was a guy movie but I didn’t even care I was so happy. Jenny just laughed and said she had to get going so we left. On the ride back Jenny’s only topic of conversation was what outfit I should wear on my date. That night I got a call on my cell phone and knew automatically whom it was. The only people who called me were my girls, my twins, and my angels. It did me good to hear their voices. “I lost my first tooth today.” “I made a picture of us, daddy, and you in art today.” Little kid things but the world to me. “Hold on daddy wants to talk to you.”
I was puzzled. “What?”
“Hi. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I’m worried about you. You were always fragile and I don’t want you getting hurt. I was thinking when you come home from school you could stay with me, for good I mean. What do you think?”
A simple question, it would be better for the girls, they could have everything. “I’ll think about it and thanks.”
“I love you Kristen!!!”
“Love you too.”
“Who was that?” asked Jenny as she walked into the room.
“My husband.”
“Ohhh!!!” We went to sleep without anymore to say.
The next morning I got a call on my landline. It was Justin. He wanted to change our first date from the movies to a Big Bon Fire Party that a bunch of our friends were going to including Jeremy and Jenny. I said that was fine with me and we made plans to meet at 7 so we had plenty of time for dinner first.
Saturday night came so fast I didn’t see it coming. Jenny already had her outfit picked out and I had no idea what to wear. She said she’d help me. First she did my makeup and my hair. She put fire red lip-gloss and natural eye shadow on me and put my hair in a twisted bun. Then we went to my closet. I had plenty of outfits but none seemed to please her until she found the bag my girlfriends back home had packed for me that I had never planned on using. Inside we found a pair of faded, ripped jeans that when I tried them on Jenny said looked sexy. Next we looked for a shirt and once again Jenny was in the same bag. She found a lacy white cami and paired it with a sheer see-through black long sleeved top. I went into the bathroom and changed and when I came out Jenny said I looked amazingly sexy. We both started laughing when she said that. Jenny had to leave to meet Jeremy so I waited for Justin to come pick me up. When he arrived we decided to go to dinner at Olive Garden and then go to the Bon Fire Party. We had a great time eating dinner and then we had a long drive to the party. We laughed the whole time!!! It was an exciting experience being on a date for the first time. Sure I had dates back home but that was mostly just having fun (that’s where the babies came from). It was good to know you could still have fun on a date and not be having sex. When we got to the party we stayed on the outside of the circle talking. No one even knew we were there which was fine with me. We had loads of fun just talking and laughing!!! We saw Jenny from afar but she was talking to Jeremy so we didn’t say anything. We went back to his room to find Jenny saying she and Jeremy were using it. We went to my room instead. We talked for a while but soon ran out of topics. Justin suggested having a little fun. I said ok but I think we woke up Jeremy and Jenny being so loud. We soon got tired and fell asleep. It had been a great night!!! I was in love. I knew I had to tell my husband that I couldn’t live with him.
The next morning I got a call on my cell but I didn’t know the number. I answered.
“Hello. Is this Mrs. Smith?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“This is Dr. Garcia. I’m sorry to inform you your husband died last night from a heart attack.”
“How can that be? Are my kids alright?”
“They are fine. They are staying with Mr. Smith’s parents until you can come get them.”
“Thank you.”
I felt so bad. Only yesterday he told me he loved me and then I cheated on him and he dies. It was a horrible feeling. I went out for a walk leaving Justin in bed alone. I had to think. The feelings of love for Justin were long gone. I loved my husband!!! The thought was shocking but true, and I was never going to be able to tell him. After a long walk I finally got back to the dorm. I started crying. A few minutes later Jenny came barging in, pushing Justin out the door, and slamming it shut behind him. We heard the boys laughing and talking as they walked away.
“What’s wrong?”
“My husband died last night and I found out this morning that I love him.”
“WHAT?”
“You heard me.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I’m fine I just can’t believe this is happening to me.”
“You need so cheering up. We are going to the mall for some shopping.”
“What’s the point? I have no one to impress anymore.”
“Yes you do you have Justin.”
“I don’t need to impress him. I don’t love him.”
“But you like him and no offense but since your husband died you can now date him without worrying what he’ll say if he finds out.”
“Good point and it will cheer me up to have someone to be with.”
“So lets go shopping so we can wow our guys.”
“Ok.”
Jenny called Jeremy and told him we were going out and not to call her until tonight. Then we got in my mini van and drove to the mall. I had no idea what to get so I let Jenny do all the shopping and just tried on whatever she gave me. When we stopped for lunch at Longhorn we looked through all our bags. Jenny had ended up with the cutest outfit for her date that night. It was a slinky, shimmer, twilight blue dress that looked great on her. She had bought a pair of shiny, silver sandals and some silver and blue jewelry to match. When she pulled out another dress I almost had a heart attack, it was the most BEAUTIFUL dress I had ever seen.
“What are you staring at?”
“That is beautiful.”
“I know that’s why I bought it for you to wear to the dance tonight with Justin.”
“You did what?”
“I bought it for you.”
“Really thank you.”
“No problem I knew you’d never buy it yourself so I got it for you.”
“I can’t wait to see Justin’s face.”
“Me either.”
After we finished lunch we went shopping for an outfit for Jeremy since Jenny didn’t trust him to think about getting one. After that we put everything in the van and drove home. We got to the dorms and split up, Jenny had to give Jeremy his outfit for the dance and I had to go straighten my hair. When Jenny got back to our room we helped each other with our make-up and hair. Jenny had pink lipstick and blue eye shadow. She put her hair in a French bun. I had red lip-gloss and silver shine eye shadow. My hair we left down since I had straightened it, which I rarely do. All we had to do was put on our dresses and we still had an hour before we met the boys at the gym so we decided to just hang out in the room. We ended up talking about my husband, who was my last topic of choice but Jenny insisted.
“What was he like?” she asked.
“He was a player but he was different when we started dating. He only had eyes for me and it made other girls angry and they tried to steal him away but he never let them. At the time I thought I was the luckiest girl ever but then he started pressuring me into sex even though I didn’t want to he made me.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No you should know I don’t want you hating me if you hear from someone else.”
“Ok. Go on.”
“After a while I realized something was wrong I asked my mother to take me to the doctor’s. When we got there I was ready for anything, or so I thought until Dr. Garcia came in and told me I was pregnant with twins. I started crying, my mother wouldn’t talk to me, and my dad was ashamed that I would have sex without telling my parents, even worse unprotected. Alex’s (my husband) parents weren’t as bad, they helped us through. They paid for my hospital bill, the wedding, they are also taking care of the kids for me now until school’s over.”
“I’m so sorry that must have been horrible.”
“It was, not having my own parents there with me, just Alex and his parents. After the girls were born we decided to hire a nanny so Alex and I could finish high school. Once high school was over Alex told me I could go to college and he would pay for me since my parents wouldn’t. He promised not to let any harm come to the girls while I was gone and I trusted him so I left.”
“That must have been hard to leave your children.”
“It was but I made it through. They call me every Friday night and tell me about their week.”
“We should start getting ready.” Jenny said.
“Ok.”
First I helped Jenny into her dress and jewelry. Then she helped me put on my sparkly, midnight black, strapless dress and blood red jewelry. I laughed saying that I looked more like a vampire then a girl about to go to a dance with her new boyfriend. She laughed and said that I looked great. We put on our shoes, her in silver sandals and me in blood red pumps. When we got to the gym we split up with plans to meet later and walk back to the dorms with our guys. I found Justin right away he looked like the only guy whose girlfriend hadn’t bought him a new outfit, I felt bad but I hadn’t known that I was supposed to. My only previous relationship had been Alex and we didn’t even go to any dances because of the girls.
“Would you like to dance?” Justin asked.
“I’d love to.”
“You look…amazing.”
“You look very handsome too.”
“Really I let Jeremy pick my outfit.”
“Haha. I let Jenny pick mine at the mall today.”
“Well Jenny has good clothing choice.”
“Thanks I’ll tell her later.”
“Ok.”
We danced for a while before my feet started hurting from my pumps. We went to one of the tables set up around the gym and sat down.
“I just realized I know nothing about you.” Justin said.
“I know nothing about you either.”
“Well I was born in North Carolina and my life was boring until I came here and met you.”
“I was born in North Attleboro but moved to Sacramento when I was 10. I then met my ex…boyfriend, Alex when I got to high school. We had lots of fun…but then I came here and met you.”
“Why do I get the feeling your hiding something from me?”
“Because I am. I’ve only told Jenny about this but I feel I can trust you too. Alex and I had twin girls and got married. We finished high school and he stayed home with the girls while I came to college. Then I met you and I forgot and went to the bon fire with you and then that night…remember that phone call the next morning?”
“Yes.”
“My husband died that night.”
“I’m so sorry, but you’re still dating me?”
“Yes because I like you in a way I never felt with my husband.”
“Ok.”
“You don’t mind?”
“No because I love you and you trusted me enough to tell me.”
“I love you too.”
That night when we got back to the dorm I told Jenny what had happened. She didn’t look happy that I had told Justin but I was to tired to notice so I went to sleep dreaming of Justin. The next morning I woke up in a nightmare…
I woke up to screaming coming from the bathroom. I ran to see what was wrong knowing it had to be Jenny. I knew as soon as I walked in what had happened. I ran for Jeremy and Justin’s room. Jeremy jumped out of bed and ran for our room, picked up Jenny, and carried her to his car. I was in a state of shock and didn’t know what to do so I just watched. I knew what it was like after having my kids but I’d never seen anyone else go through it. It scared me!!! Meanwhile Justin just sat in his bed staring at me, he hadn’t moved at all or said anything.
“We should go with them.” I said.
“No we should stay here.” Justin said.
“Jenny would want us there with her.”
“No I say she would want us to stay here together.”
“How do you know what she wants?”
“I don’t I only know what I want.”
“I’m leaving you can come if you want.”
“Fine. Give me a few minutes.”
“I’ll be in my van.”
“Ok.”
We drove to the hospital as fast as we could. We asked for Jenny’s room and ran upstairs to see her. The nurse said we couldn’t go in but could wait outside. So I sat waiting patiently while Justin rubbed it in that we could have stayed at the dorm a little longer. I wanted to hit him but knew I couldn’t. I would have been asked to leave and I wanted to see Jenny. I sat trying to ignore him. Finally a nurse came out and told us we could see Jenny. We followed her down the hall to her room. As we walked in we saw Jeremy and Jenny staring at their own bundle of joy. I asked to hold her and they said yes. She was just like Jenny but also like Jeremy. She was beautiful!!! I asked if Justin wanted to hold her but he just said that kids were a hassle and he’d never have a kid…
It was then that I knew he wasn’t the one for me or even the hundredth.
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. I’m never going to have children they are a hassle.”
“I have two children already.”
“Yeah so?”
“You love me but not my children?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I can’t love you.”
“Why?”
“My children are all I have left now and if you don’t want them then you can’t have me.”
“Fine.” Justin said as he walked out the door.
“Kristen I’m sorry I should have told you last night.” Jenny said.
“It’s not your fault you tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen. I thought he was different.”
“Well he’s not & he’s also not worth your time.”
“Your right he’s not. I have to go to class I’ll come back after. See you later.”
“Bye.” Jeremy & Jenny called as I walked out of the room. When I got back to my van Justin was waiting, I had forgotten that he needed a ride home. We didn’t talk at all which was a little awkward but when we got back to the campus he walked away as if nothing had ever happened between us. It hurt a little but not as much as the thought of being alone without him or my husband. I grabbed my bag from my dorm and headed to class. No one said anything to me, they all knew when to leave me alone and when they could talk to me, and today was a day to leave me alone. Just as I was about to walk into my science room my lab partner came over and asked if I was ok. I said I just wanted to be left alone but I would hopefully be ok by tomorrow. He said ok and we walked inside. It was our last day of classes before spring break and I couldn’t wait to get on my plane home and see my girls.
The next day I was up at 4 getting ready to go to the airport when someone started knocking on my door. I had tried to be quiet and not wake anyone up but I guess that didn’t work. I opened the door about to apologize but then stopped. Standing in my doorway was…you guessed it Justin. I was about to slam the door in his face when he suddenly blurted out, “I’m sorry. I love you and your girls sound like angels and I’m sure I’d love them as much as I love you. Please forgive me. I need you in my life.”
I stared at him speechless, then I said, “Come in please.” He came in and sat on my bed by my suitcase.
“Your not leaving are you?”
“Yes. I’m going home to visit my girls over vacation. Why?”
“Oh lucky you. I’m stuck here all week alone since Jeremy and Jenny got the baby and their apartment.”
“You could come home to California with me and meet my family.”
“Really? I’d love that. Give me a few minutes to pack and we can go buy my ticket.”
“Ok. I’ll meet you at my car in a few minutes.”
Justin left to go pack and I sat on my bed debating about whether what had just happened was good or bad. On the one side he loved me and my kids and he wanted to meet them but on the other side I was going to be staying with Alex’s parents and I wondered what they would say about me moving on so quickly after their son, my husband, had just died.
When we got to the airport Justin bought a ticket on the same flight as I was on and all my worries faded away. It was fate that let him get the ticket so obviously fate wanted us together this vacation. It was a long ride but we finally made it to California. When we got off the plane Alex’s parents were waiting for me with two beautiful little girls standing near them. One looked just like me and the other just like Alex had. If they realized that Justin was with me they didn’t say anything until we got to the car. Alex’s parents asked who he was and I told them the truth…he was a good friend that wanted to meet my girls and that had no one to spend break with. They believed me and didn’t ask any more questions.
The girls wouldn’t stop talking to Justin. I could tell they loved him and he was making a real effort to try and love them back. They asked me lots of questions about school and Justin. They asked if I was coming home for good and I felt so sad when I had to tell them I was only home for a week. They accepted it and tried to cram as much as they could into our week and everything we did involved Justin too. We all went swimming, shopping, out for dinner, to the park, to their school, and many other things. It was the last day before Justin and I went home that I knew Justin was going to be there for me always. We were going to the girls’ favorite restaurant, Olive Garden, since it was our last night. Justin asked if I remembered the first time we went there together and I said yes. Lucy, my angel that looks like me said, “Daddy can I have an ice cream instead of dinner?”
Without missing a beat Justin said, “No you can have ice cream after you eat dinner.”
I smiled and kissed him. That was all I needed I knew I loved him and he loved me. When we got back to the Smith’s house the girls told them all about the night…including my kiss with ‘Daddy’. Once the girls were in bed Alex’s parents told me that they wouldn’t watch the girls and pay for my college if all I was doing was finding new men to take home on vacation and to replace their son. Justin said that was fine because he had found a house near campus that he was going to rent for us but we could take the girls with us if I wanted. I was so happy that I kissed him right then even with Alex’s parents watching. When we told the girls the next morning they ran upstairs and packed as quickly as they could. Justin and I returned our tickets and rented a van to drive home in.
When we got to the house I didn’t believe him that it was ours. It was the most beautiful house I had ever seen. It looked like one from those old romantic movies, the one every little girl dreams of living in. I asked how he was going to afford it and he said his parents were going to pay for him and his family to live in at least until we finished school. I didn’t miss the part about being family but he didn’t ask me then. When he does ask though I know exactly what my answer will be…but that’s a whole different story.