Until You're Ready

November 15, 2012
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I close my eyes and sigh in contentment; a smile playing on my lips. Your fingers trace an invisible line from my cheek to the bottom of my neck. It tickles slightly, but even more so when your hand continues down my arm, resting lightly in the crook of my elbow; a place you know is extremely responsive to your touch. You reach my wrist and suddenly all good feelings are gone. I try hard not to tense up, but you can still feel the subtle difference in my muscles. A thousand thoughts and explanations run through my mind but none are good enough and it's too late anyway. I hold my breath. It seems like an eternity. I feel your fingers touch them, but it's different this time; they're hesitant and light, almost as if you're scared to hurt me. They no longer aim to set me afire; now their purpose is to discover and explore. In the next instant I feel your lips, soft and warm, press against my scars. You take your time and don't miss a single one. Something wet drops onto my skin and I finally, slowly, open my eyes. You're looking at me, pain and horror evident in your tear-streaked face. My heart breaks and I want to pull you close and hold you; protect you from my past. I smile weakly. I want to tell you that it was a long time ago and I'm not who I was then. Before I can open my mouth though, you open yours.

"It's ok...You don't have to talk about it until you're ready. "

A rush of relief and love flows through me, it warms me from the inside out. You pull me in close and crush me to your chest as you stroke my hair. Your heart pounds rhythmically in my ear and I relish in the sound, glad beyond words that my heart was still beating in this moment, that I was still here to be with you.

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