I remember the first time I saw you. I was walking my dog and passed you walking down the sidewalk. I remember my heart pounding because I thought you were gorgeous. You had a backpack on and it was a school day but I don't remember ever seeing you in school. Every day after that, I watched for you walking in your quite bubble. The next time I saw you, my dog stepped in front of you and I looked at your eyes for the first time and apologized. After you passed I thought to myself that you were a beautiful human. Your eyes were perfect, you had a lip piercing that I adored and you black hair feel over your eyes at the perfect length. Oh, and you were extremely tall. It went on like that for a year. Then I remember getting a friend request from you on facebook. I hadn't known your name until then, Stephen. I immediately hit accept and not two minutes later you messaged me. We talked for hours and I learned that you lived right down the road from my best friend. I remember telling you I was going over to her house and you told me I should go by your house and give you a hug. I did and I didn't regret it. My face rested on your chest and your long arms wrapped around my skinny torso. I remember going home and texting you to thank you for the hug and telling you that I really needed it. When you asked why I told you every thing about my messed up family and my parents fighting. You told me that if I ever needed anything that you would be there for me. I also remember you offering to come and sit in the 90 degree hallway of my apartment building because I had locked myself out. I told you no because it was too hot and that my mom would be home soon which was a lie. She wouldn't have been home for another hour and a half. And again you said that if I ever needed anything that you would be there to talk to me. It went on like that all summer, I would walk by your house and you would run outside to give me a hug and we would end up talking to half an hour about everything and nothing at the same time. Then I would have to leave and you would give me another hug. Once you lifted me up while I was hugging you and I thought you might drop me cause I was going through the phase of believing I was fat. I remember stepping on your bare feet when you set me back down. One day, it was over 100 degrees outside and I asked you why it was so hot outside. You replied with “because you're outside”. I remember stopping in the middle of the sidewalk re-reading the message over and over until I found the courage to text you back and ask what you meant. Then you replied, admitting that you thought I was cute. I Remember going the rest of the day smiling as I re-read the message in my mind. When summer was over, we lost touch. You no longer wore that lip piercing. I long for our hugs and long conversations that we don't have anymore. I miss your overused emoticons of the capitalized x and d : XD. You always used that when you were happy and you always used to use it when you would text me. Now I'm lucky if you even text me back. Every now and then you do and I see you when your bus drops you off and you give me a hug. About a week ago, my best friend and I got in a huge fight and I felt like I needed you and only you to feel better because everything you said or did would make me laugh and smile. Even now, when you rarely talk to me, I cant help but be happy around you. There is something about you that I can't help but love, even in a friendly way if I put my crush on you aside. The more I think about it, you might be my best friend but I think we have to talk again for that to be valid. I saw you today and you gave me the first hug I've gotten from you in 4 weeks. I can't figure out why I like you the way I do. You are two years older than me and I shouldn't like you in the way I do but its hard not to because of your personality. You're personality; it's what really makes you so lovable. You're nice to everyone you meet and that what I like about you, I think. Right now, I'm hoping that we talk soon because I miss it. What I can't stop asking myself is why you? Why couldn't I have fallen for some guy my age. Why? Because all the guys my age and jerks and none of them are even half as nice and sweet as you are. I'm trying though, to just think of you as a friend.
November 10, 2012