The monster in the forest

July 9, 2012
By Knightingale BRONZE, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Knightingale BRONZE, Green Bay, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being a writer is like showing your but to the world
"fairy tail's Jet"

In the forest outside the village of Kilms there is said to be a monster. This supposed monster is said to only come out at night and if you’re unlucky enough to be wondering around and meet it you will be found the next day in front of the gate a bloodless corpse. This story has been passed down for years and yet the villages are still afraid to go out.

Every time I hear this story I think what a load of cr*p. I mean really a monster that was as old as the village its self, what’s there to believe in a story like that especially since there hasn’t been an unnatural death in this village since my great, great grandma’s time.

The older people in the village thought I was nuts for not heeding the warning of the story the younger thought I was brave and cool. So one day a group of bullies that were my age started to tease me and saying I was just talk. I never back down from a challenge so when the dared me to spend a night I agreed.

The next day I packed up my bag with a sleeping bag, matches and some food told my mum that I was spending the night at a friend and took off. It was still light out when I started into the forest going deep inside its core.

As the light faded I found a nice spot to camp out for the night. It was beautiful in the forest and I thought to myself why have I never been here before. I had seen a real deer and cute little rabbits for the first time in my life.

The wind swirled around me making me giggle as it took my long blonde hair and flicked it all around me. I gathered some wood and started a fire lying down on my sleeping bag I looked up to the stars. It was all breath taking and the whole monster thing soon went to the back of my mind.

I was playing with a friendly white bunny when suddenly there was someone next to me. A boy around my age with raven hair and green eyes was towering over me. The bunny took one look at the man and ran off in a fright. “How did you do that?” I asked.

He looked confused at my reaction to his presence. “It’s easy to scare a bunny off.” I shook my head. “Not that, how did you appear without me hearing you?” He didn’t answer me. “Fine whatever I don’t really care.” I said looking back to the fire.

He just stud there looking like he was waging war in his head. “Well sit down, honestly I don’t know what you’re doing out here but you look a little pale.” I patted a spot next to me. He seemed to snap out of his thoughts as he slowly sat down.

“You don’t know who I am?” He asked serious but confused. “Why would I know who you are we just meet.” I laughed this guy was a little strange. He seemed to chuckle a little. “Your right.” We sat in a calm silence.

“What are you doing out here?” He finally asked me. “I’m here on a dare from some bullies in the village. You know there’s said to be a monster out here.” He snapped up at the word monster. “Don’t worry I don’t believe there’s one out there that’s why I took up the dare.” I smiled at him.

“So you don’t believe the story.” He asked I laughed and fell back on the sleeping bag. “Nope.” He stared at me. “You should.” He said in his normal serious voice. “Why?” I turned my head to look at him but he was gone. I quickly sat up and looked around. “Hey where did you go?”

I looked up and saw him floating above me on his back he was looking up at the night sky. I stud up not in fear but in awe. “How are you doing that?” He flipped onto his stomach and floated down so he was looking me in the eyes. “I’m a vampire.” He said flying behind my back.

“So are you the monster that kills people?” I said calmly turning to face him. “I am.” “So are you going to kill me?” I said looking into his green eyes. “I might.” He looked at me confused once again. “Are you scared?”

“No.” That made me think why wasn’t I afraid of him. He smiled a toothy smile showing me his fangs. “Are you lying?” He growled coming closer to me. “No.” I said plainly my eyes had started to grow heave.

He landed in front of me. “You are an odd one.” He said and started to turn to walk away. “Wait.” I said trying to catch his arm but failed and started falling. He caught me before I hit the ground. “Don’t come back to the forest.” He said in my ear as he set me on my sleeping bag. I tried to keep my eyes open but ended up drifting asleep.

I woke up with a start and looked around for the boy but he was no were to be seen. I had met a real vampire I thought. I instantly reached for my neck looking for any fang marks but there wasn’t any. I walked back to the village confused at the whole thing but also delighted when I heard a commotion near the gates.

As I approached there was a group of people surrounding something and as I pushed my way past I saw a man laying the dead. I backed up and ran to my house horrified at what I say. It couldn’t have been him could it?

When I got in the house mum was crying her eyes out and there was a note on the table. She looked at me through watery eyes and hugged me. “I’m sorry dear.” When she said that men from the village grabbed me and dragged me out. “What’s going on? Unhand me!” I kicked and squirmed but it was no use.

I was tied to a tree near the base of the woods. “We’re sorry my dear but the note said that if we sacrificed a young blonde girl the monster would stop his killings and as you know you’re the only blonde in the entire village.” With that the left me and shut the gates.

I sighed and waited till night a million scenarios playing out in my mind. As I suspected when night fall came he was there untying me. “Why?” Was all I whispered to him. “Because I’ve finally found you.” He said setting me on the ground.

“Finally found me?” He grabbed my hand and started floating carrying me up with him. “18 years ago there was a half vampire left at the gates to be raised by humans. You are that half vampire that’s why you looked different from the other humans in there.” He cupped my face. “The fearlessness the blonde hair and I can’t forget you violet eyes.” He smiled and we set down on the ground once more near a small house. “You are my one and only mate, Luna.”

I looked at him in surprise at the sound of my name. “How did you…” I thought about it and realized I know his name. “Seth?” He smiled and hugged me tight. “I know it was you welcome home my love.

Seth walked to the middle of the forest and set flowers on a grave. 100 years had passed since Luna had died. She had left two amazing kids behind a boy and a girl. Both looked like her and reminded him every day of her. “Dad, Its time to go.” A girl called. “Good-bye my love.” With that they left until next year when they’d be back with flowers.

The author's comments:
This is my first short story so please read and review

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This article has 2 comments.

on Jul. 15 2012 at 9:35 pm
Knightingale BRONZE, Green Bay, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being a writer is like showing your but to the world
"fairy tail's Jet"

Thank you for taking your time to comment it means a lot to me. I know i rushed through it and ill try to work on slowing it down. But thanks again :) 

on Jul. 14 2012 at 10:18 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments

I have mixed feelings about this piece. The beginning was good, nice introductory stuff and such. But then a lot of it was very unrealistic and some scenes happened way too fast. I liked the concept of the ending but there were more questions than answers when all was said and done. Like what was the love story that conceived the half-vampires? How had it been possible that the narrator lived in the village and her mom didn't say anything about being adopted and such? How come the village all of a sudden decided to sacrifice a girl even though there hadn't been any killings for a long, long time? If there was more detail, it'd be a much easier and enjoyable story to read. Finally, your writing style needs to improve. You have many grammar mistakes and a couple spelling. You also need to work on using dialogue. It was very complicated who was saying what and what exactly was going on. 


I know this is your first short story and it's not bad. It just needs editing and with some love, it'll grow. Keep writing! If you have the chance, please check out/comment my piece Chasing the Sun, thanks!


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