"I love you more than you'll ever know..."
I'm sorry honey, but that can't possibly be true. It should be the other way around. Because I love YOU more than YOU will ever know. Okay, so you might love me. But what exactly does that mean? Do you love me as a sister? Do you love me as a friend? Do you love me as a BEST friend? Do you love me as a person? Do you love me as a person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or otherwise....are you IN love with me?
Because, for me...it's all of the above. Or so I think.
And the second part of that phrase...."more than you will EVER know..."
Is that really true? If I LOVE you...than will it forever be just something I think? Something I feel? Something that is just a thought...a dream...a fantasy...a wish...a hope. And will it never be something that is reality? Will you walk out of my life without ever knowing how I felt?
And on the flip side......HOW exactly do you love me? Will I ever know how YOU really think? Or how YOU really feel? Will I know your thoughts...your dreams...your fantasies...your wishes...and your hopes? Or will I watch you leave and not know the truth.
There is a thousand questions. And no answers.
But then I remember what you asked me...
"Sara, has it ever crossed your mind that you try to hard?"
It scares me sometimes...to think that somehow you often know me more than I know myself. And that makes me fall deeper and deeper. And then I ask more what if's. More thoughts and feelings come to play.
But then I realize...you are right. I try and I try and I try.
So, what if I just stop trying...and begin trusting.
No more worries. And no more fears.
Because in the end, I KNOW it will turn out for the best.
Whether that means I never see you again....or if you're the only thing I see when I walk down the aisle. Still SO many questions. and no answers. But the answers are ahead, and I just have to wait.
So for now I'll just be content with what I know for sure....
That you love me. No matter what that means exactly, I know you love me.
And I love you. You don't know HOW much I love you. And there's no guaruntee you'll ever know. But at least I can be content with the feeling that I KNOW I love you.
I've never felt that way before. So already I have gained.
"I love you more..."