The mistake

June 19, 2012
By , Tilehurst, United Kingdom
Mum said it would feel like this, like the world it crashing down but how does she know, she has dad and I lost Josh. Mum said he didn't mean that much but he did to me. When he was there the sun shone bright, when he smiled everything became clearer and when I was in his arm, oh my. His arms were like brick walls, they made you safe and felt like home.
Trying to get the day off was pointless, how can I face school with him there? I had three out of the five classes with him, normally that is heaven but its my personally h*ll.
Kara met me at the school gates, took my hand and we walked in with our heads held high together. I could make the world think I was okay but making myself see it is a different story for another day. We got to the lockers and I tear rolled down my face as I saw our picture inside the door, Kara took it, smiled and throw it in the rubbish bin.
“You're better than him.” I nodded to show I heard what she said but by no means did I agree, he was prefect to me.
I dragged my feet to tutor, I couldn't see his face this early in the morning. Kara wanted to get there early so we were settled before he came in but now I had to watch him come in.
Ashleigh and Dom were already there and for once I wished they hadn't been, I knew the questions where about to head my way.
“Oh my gosh, like I heard what happened and I am like totally sorry.” Sometimes I wished someone started to teach her standard English because its like, totally annoying. “ But yeah, what did like happen? I totally heard it is over but have no clue like why?” John rolled his eyes and at that point I thought to myself, thank god she has the looks on her side.
“His friends told me he didn't want to know and yeah stringing me along. I thought we should go our own ways.” I started folding my fingers within each other to think of something else. The door opened and I hear his voice come through. My throat dried up, my eyes went cloudy and I wanted to me sick, I couldn't do this. John took my hand, hold it tight and smiled warmly at him which tip the tear over my eye lid. I'm a strong person, I promise you I am but not with my heart, not with him. This has cut me open so much, the doctors can't fix this.
I felt like he was following me from that point me, I walked into a room and he would be there within minutes, if I ate food he would have the same think, if I went to the loo then he had to go.

When it got to lunch I wanted to be on my own, I couldn't stomach the questions and the false 'I'm fine's' so I went to mine and Josh spot. On the field there would a brush that had grown in a cave, the inside was hidden so no one would come to see me. I got out my apple, my copy of the soppiest story on my bookshelf and read until I forgot I had love drama because their was more important.
The brush moved slightly and I saw Josh came in, I froze in shock.
“I am so sorry, I'll leave.” He didn't move a inch though, he just stared at me, I couldn't do this right now. I got all my stuff together in a rush, I needed to get out.
“No its fine.” I went to go back inside but he made me stop at one word.
“Totty.” My nickname stopped me short and he knew it. “Baby please don't do this.”
I couldn't turn around and face him, the tears fell. “Don't, please don't.” I run to the girls loo, I need to re-do my make-up and just to be on my own. You can do this, be strong and get out there.
I sat in the canteen with John, if any person can keep my mind at rest, this man can do so but we both looked when we heard the shouting.
“What did you tell her?” Josh had Ashley pinned to a wall, I never saw him like this.
“She wasn't good for you mate, she was holding you back. You should be thanking me.”
Josh let him go but pushed him to the side, his face was red with anger. I wanted to run after him, John was giving me the you dare look but I couldn't help it, I had to see him. I did my girly run to run after him. I shouted him but he didn't turn, heading toward the tennis courts.
“Josh!” I yelled as we were outside and nothing. “Josh I swear to god if you don't stop I will....I will...I don't know but I will do something.” I stood my ground and he turned and looked at me.
“Totty I love you, I always have and I always will so I can't keep thinking I'm okay. I love you.” He walked up to me and took my face into his hands.
“I know you do, well I had doubts, I hope you did. I mean-” He cut me off with a quick kiss and smiled down at me.
“Totty, stop at I know.” He winked at me and I rested my head on his chest. “Will you go back out with me?” He looked down at me.
“Eww you, no way.” I grinned up at him but he glared at me.
“You best me joking.” He sighed at me.
I kissed him and took his hand. “You tell me.”

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