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Letter of Happiness
I had never thought I could fall in love. It was never plausible. I had always laughed at how love sick teenagers were portrayed on TV. Their hearts seemed so vulnerable and weak. I had never wanted my heart to be like that.
It was the middle of July. Summer was hot. I loved it. My best friend, Sammy, was turning sixteen. She had a huge Sweet 16 at her grandparents’ mansion. It was the biggest and coolest party of the summer.
There were hundreds of people I didn’t recognize. I was glad of it. I had been wearing a new strapless turquoise dress. I didn’t usually like anything that went above the knees or exposed my shoulders but I’d worn it for Sammy.
I had made my way to the snack table. I poured myself a cup of punch. I accidently spilled some on the floor. Shoot! I had thought to myself. I grabbed a napkin and bent down to clean it up.
“Here let me help you with that.” Said a voice as its owner grabbed a handful of napkins and bent down in front of me. I had looked up to see a pair of crisp blue eyes smiling at me. They resembled the ocean. Not calm and serene but wild and clear. I could see the waves rolling in. I could see foam forming on the edges of those waves. Everything that one would observe when watching the rough sea could be seen in those eyes. My foolish clumsiness had caused me to end up in the arms of the one who owned those beautiful eyes.
The rest of the night had been spent talking. We had learned that we both hated the color red, we both loved dogs, we were going into the same grade, and we both really liked talking to the other.
I had planned on leaving early. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, for I had cried myself to sleep. I left him at the snack table, my heart heavy with regret at not asking for his name. Just his name.
As I walked to my car that night he followed me. He asked for my name and my number. I gladly gave him both. “Audrey. That’s a beautiful name.” He had said. I looked away and smiled, hiding the blush in my cheeks. He walked back to the party and promised to call me.
I had believed him when the words came out of his mouth. But when I sat in front of the steering wheel I had doubted that he would. They never did. They always played me. I was always just their ‘toy’. But for some reason, I had a more aching feeling for this boy to call me than I had felt with the others.
I looked down at my phone. Would his name and number ever be saved in there? The screen started blinking. An unfamiliar number flashed on the screen. It was a text message. It had said,
Do you think I’m desperate for texting you so soon after I got your number? :)
I had smiled and replied saying I didn’t think he was desperate. I had told him I thought it was cute. We texted every day after that. He had called three weeks later when I was at the mall with Sammy. I had only told her that I’d met someone but nothing beyond that. He had told me to turn around and, through the glass, I saw him outside of the boutique we were in.
Sammy had squealed, “Ricky?!” Then she looked at me and how I was smiling and waving like an idiot. She asked again, “Ricky?! The ‘someone’ you met is Ricky?!” As it turned out, Ricky was the younger brother of Sammy’s sister’s ex.
More time was spent together. Two months. Two months was all it took for me to fall in love with Sammy’s sister’s ex’s younger brother. The day that I had finally realized it was the most tragic day I could ever live.
I had met up with Ricky at our usual place. We sat outside on the patio of Starbucks. We were next to each other not across from each other. He had said that he needed to tell me something and I had repeated the words. He had turned, making himself face me. I stared into his crisp blue eyes, reliving the night I was a clumsy fool.
He had brushed a loose strand of my dark brown hair away from my face. His thumb passed lightly over my bottom lip as he spoke, “Audrey, there’s something I really need to tell you. It’s been killing me and I can’t hold it in any longer.” I nodded, giving him the permission to tell me what was eating him.
“Audrey, I lo-” Everything went downhill from there. Before he could speak, a van had crashed into a mini cooper. The little thing had gone flying through the air. It was heading straight for me and Ricky. I had looked up and seen only a flash of the crisp blue eyes as they rose over me. Strong hands had thrown me to the complete opposite side of the patio. I went out of consciousness.
In the hospital I had awoke. I looked around and I saw my mother and father sitting next to my bed. They woke up and rushed to me. I wasn’t hurt. I had a concussion, but that’s all. I asked about Ricky. The looks on their faces broke my heart. I demanded to see him. I wasn’t allowed out of bed.
A day passed and they had permitted me to go to his room. Ricky, my Ricky, was in a terrible condition. He looked stressed and tense. I ran my fingers through his sandy hair. My hand had lain gently on his tan cheek. He stirred at my touch.
Crisp blue eyes opened and looked into mine. They smiled just like they did when we first met. “Hi.” He had croaked. I smiled at him and my throat tightened. He motioned for me to bend down toward his mouth. I did. “Audrey, I love…I love you. I love you more than life itself.”
Tears gathered in my eyes, making my vision blurry. “I love you too, Ricky. You’re my…everything. You’re my happiness.” His hand had cupped my cheek and he pulled me closer as his lips touched mine for the first time…and the last.
The monitor flat lined and a loud beeping noise rang through the room. The tears had spilled over on my cheeks and they landed on Ricky’s chest. Ricky, my Ricky, was gone. The rest was a blur. Green hospital suits, white doctor coats. I couldn’t tell them apart. I wasn’t letting go of Ricky.
My eyes had drifted to a piece of paper in his hand. I took it as I was pushed out of the room. My shaking fingers opened the note at last. The words said:
Audrey, if you’re reading this, I must be dead. I used the last ounce of strength in my body to write this for you. It’s not much but then again, everything that had to do with us was not much. There was ‘not much’ time for us to know each other. And yet I still fell in love with you. There was ‘not much’ time for us to spend that love on each other. And yet it was enough because you know my feelings. Audrey, I had never believed that I would fall in love. At least not until I was much older. But I did! I did fall in love! I fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. You. You’re MY Audrey. Nothing will change that. Not even death. I want you to know that the two months that we had together were the best two months of my life. Please don’t let my death ruin that amazing smile of yours. You once told me that you hadn’t smiled in months until you met me. Please, I want the whole world see that smile. It was the smile that had me hooked when we met. You once told me that you didn’t know if you could ever trust a boy again. I had asked why and you told me the story of how that jerk treated you and hurt you. You had let a tear escape your eye and I had wiped it away with my thumb. I had asked if you could possibly try to trust me. You looked at me with hope and you said you would try. I know that you can find trust with someone else too. I am not the only one who could fall for that beautiful face. Trust again Audrey. Don’t let my death make you shy away from trust or love. I want you to be happy. I want you to love as I love you. Death cannot keep me from loving you. I hope death will not keep you from loving anyone. I love you my dearest Audrey.
With everything I am,
At that moment, all my depression had washed away. I had lived with this dying sadness for months. I had never thought that anyone or anything could make that depression go away. Much less a letter. I didn’t even think Ricky could’ve made it go away when he was alive. I actually felt happy. My Ricky was happy. He was in a better place. Missing him and wishing he was here would always hang on my heart. I love Ricky with everything in my body. I will never stop loving him. He was and still is my happiness.