May 13th, 2001

So I just got this dumb book from my stepmother for my birthday. She said that I may need to express myself sometimes, when I am in a frenzy. Who even uses the word frenzy! Anyways you maybe wondering why I am writing in it now. I am being forced to by my father who cares so much about step moms feeling that he is making me write in it. If that even makes sense. Anyways I am just going to shove it underneath my bed and there it will be with all of the other items I don't care about. I have more important things to be doing right now. I am meeting Jasper (my dear love) for a breakfast/ lunch meal. So now I am leaving this be. 
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I shoved my fluff covered book right where I said I would, under my bed and headed over to my closet. I grabbed the first pair of capris that came into my view of vision, and stuffed myself into them. Next I ripped off my shirt and threw on a tee. I grabbed my wallet, phone, and keys off my desk and headed to the front door. There I slipped on my red Toms and yelled goodbye. I then left.

When I saw Jasper waiting in front of Tallias cafe, my heart skipped a beat. Right then in knew. I just knew he was the one. I wanted to be with him forever. I wanted this on every one of my birthdays. He was calm, polite, and sweet. He listened with his bright brown eyes. He was there when my family was straight up ticking me off. I loved him and as strange as that sounded I knew it was true. 

I walked up and our conversation was on I will never forget...

Me: hey j, I have not had the best...

He cut me off

Jasper: shhhh. Don't worry. Let's not think about the past. Just focus on the future. And right now let's just worry about what is on the menu because I know you and I both are hungry.

Me: that sounds good. Especially the food part.

We walked inside and seated ourselves at a table in the far left corner. He was talking about some movie he saw with his buddy's but I couldn't comprehend what he was saying when his eyes where looking straight into mine. I would catch a word or two every minute or so. 

I heard him say something about the future and I thought back to what he was saying when we where standing by the parking lot.

He then interrupts my thoughts and starts telling me his plans for the fourth of July. He is going to the florida. Staying at a beach resort with a couple of his friends and apparently is going to be sailing the whole time. Sounded like a lot of fun but I wished he would stay here with me. I figured one time would not hurt.

We ate and enjoyed the rest of our brunch.


July 5th, 2001
I just fished out my book of thoughts from beneath my bed. The fuzz is covered in dust and dirt but the ink from my last entry is still there and visible. You may be wondering why I am even touching the thing again... Well it is the only thing I have to talk to now. And let me assure you my life is over. I am filled with fear. I don't know what to do it doesn't make sense. The news just reached me.... And I found out about this tragedy about five minutes ago. Jasper is gone. He has left. Not me alone but everyone. my love has vanished. My innocent love has been apart of a tragedy. A boating accident. All that is left on my mind is how he can swim.  Did he not try hard enough did he just give up. So many questions that are unanswered. But who cares about those. What about me was he even thinking of me. Did I even cross his mind. Why didn't he keep trying for me. My life is incomplete and will forever stay this way. My tears are burning my face as they trickle down by face and onto a picture of him and I.  It didn't have to be this way. I should have begged him to stay with me so we could watch the fireworks on the beach, when the idea was first presented on my birthday at that brunch. Just to think that he is forever gone is unimaginable. He have evaporated from me and from life. He has vanished.