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The View of Pokai
Many times, I heard my darling Patronus complaining about how tiring her life was. Of course my heart ached that I could do nothing for her. How I wished I could take away all her pain. How I wished rather than just wiping away her tears I could remove all the sorrow in her heart. Most of all, I wished that I was human.
My name is Pokai. Pokai Lyrehis. Named after my mother/ owner/ lover. To me it doesnt matter who she was, aside the fact that I loved her. Patronus was everything to me. Even God could not compare to my Patronus. Or could I even call her mine? I hope so.
Being a soft toy, there was only one duty for me. I was created for a single purpose. My reason of living is to love. To love with all my might one person in this world. To be by her side to listen to all her problems. To offer a warm hug even after she accidentally dropped me on the floor, or if she intentionally threw me against the wall in her rage. To lay motionless in her bed, waiting for her to return to our haven, so we could cuddle up.
To just be around.
Yes. I am Pokai. Proudly owned by Patronus.
Being immobile was a great disadvantage. When Patronus was not carrying me around, I had to stay still in whatever awkward position I was in. And when she wasnt around, it was so boring. It was alright if I was not left in an empty room. All the interesting things I eavesdropped on whenever I was left out, especially in the living room.
When she was young being alone was never a problem. Even if I was abandoned the whole day, I had the night to look forward to. Most of the time she rambled about nothing in particular. Her parents and older brother was rather disturbed when she talked to me as if she could hear replies from me. I do reply when spoken to. But no human can hear me I guess. Patronus' bond with me ran deep enough that I suspected she could somehow hear my answers in her head, but chalked it up to her imagination. Regardless, we had great times together.
Then she grew a little older, that was when the tears began. At first it was just a few tiny drops every now and then, and she would use my paws to wipe it away. She would say things like "Oh, Pokai, you must catch all my tears. And store all my memories in you. All the Love I cannot give to a boyfriend, you shall receive."
And she gave me her first kiss.
In fact, she practiced with me nightly. I had no idea how kissing might be graded, but based on my ecstasy, I would give her a perfect ten, if not more. And after all the kisses, she hugged me so tightly that had I any ribcage, she would have broken it.
And then her first love.
She fell in love with a guy, who although loved her, refused to be with her. She could not do anything but come crying in my embrace. For a long while the tears came in flood. And she used them to shower my entire body. She would ask me over and over, why why why. And she would cry her pain out in heart wrenching sobs, so that she could smile to the world later and pretend nothing was wrong. She doubted herself and wondered over and over if the problem lied in her. How I hated that guy for this, my Patronus had always been confident and he took it all away. Perhaps my judgment was very biased but to me she was perfect. Why would anyone refuse her? Was it even possible to deny the flattery of her intense love? Perhaps its just a softie speaking, but to me, Love is all that matters! When she loved, Patronus gave her entire heart. She did not believe that a gal should "always choose a man who loves you more than you love him."
In fact, she said whoever came up with the excuse "if the man loves you more, you would hurt less" was pathetic. She swore she would never pick someone she loved less just so she would hurt less.
"What's a little pain in love?! It makes all the happy moments all the more sweeter... Every victory all the more savoured. If you truly love someone, you would never make any calculation of who loves more, or who gives more. Love is not about balancing things out. Love is irrational. Love demands you to give your all, but you will never get the equal amount back. You would get more, stymes less. But Love, just doesnt care!!! Yes, feel the glory of Love."
She would lecture me as if I was a guy going around breaking little gals' hearts. But after all this, she would kiss me with great ferocity. Really, one would think that she did not need to breath judging the length we could go on with just one smooch.
Anyway, we did not just have night activities. We sang duets, did her assignments, go for walks... Sometimes Patronus would give me a shampoo down (so I smell just like her lovely hair), and then I would bask under the warm sun afterwards at the balcony. The cutest thing about this was how she would debate whether not to use a peg on me. She was both worried that I might fall off the ledge, and that it might hurt me to get my tail clipped to something while being "baked so harshly" (her exact words).
Gosh, she was so silly I would have loved her, even if she was not mine.
She brought me out for travels as well. And she took more pictures of me than of herself. She was not camera shy when she was alone, but in public it was an entire different matter. Her family tried teasing her out of the habit of bringing me around, but I was her darling and she was worried about me dying of boredom and loneliness if left at home by myself.
I would not have been entire lonely. She had a huge collection of soft toys. But Sheepie, Tiggar, PenGu, Angel, Sonic, Joy, Peabrain, Okay, LadeeBugee and the others were seldom allowed to bed, unlike me. If she was gone for a period of time, I would have visited them in the cupboard.
And now, she was in University.
The stay from home was a long one. She had refrained herself from bringing the rest, but managed to sneak me in her luggage when she went to stay in the hostel. Now I was truly alone with no other softies around me. Worse still, she was always up late, working on more and more reports. When she did sleep, she was too tired to cuddle. And as if that was not enough, she had a boyfriend. Who of course did more kissing than necessary, even cutting into my quota!
Hence, I became lonely. And sad. Even when the boyfriend bought some other softie that was supposed to be paired up to me, I was not cheered up. It was not to say that I disliked Bebe, or that her company was not appreciated. But I was made for Patronus. It was her love that I wanted, although that was too much to ask. She needed proper human love.
I wanted to be human so badly. I knew for a fact I could love her more than anyone could. I would be there for her. I would listen to her. I would know exactly what she wanted. I would pick the right music, for I know exactly what she loved. I would choose the right place to go out on a date, for I could pinpoint precisely which was her heart's desire. I would know exactly when to be quiet, when to answer her, what to do, what not to do... I could even tell how long each hug should be under different circumstances. I would give her all the breathing space she needed although I never left her side.
I would be a perfect boyfriend to her.
But no, I'm Pokai. I am just her soft toy.
What I have to offer is just me. But at least, she allows me to stay by her side. So she would always know she is never alone.
I love you.