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“I’m only gonna break break your break break your heart…” – Tao Cruiz’s latest single played on the radio. In a strange way, the lyrics of this song were true for me right now because that’s exactly what he had done, break my heart. As soon as it dawned on me, my overflowing reserve of tears flooded out again.
Dev and I had been dating for almost nine months and, just three days before our ninth month anniversary, he broke up with me. I was shattered! Dev was everything I had ever imagined my prince charming would be. Dev was, in short, my life!
Just thinking about this, made me cry some more. This had become my daily ritual. I came home every day, and everything I did, reminded me of Dev or of some experience we’d shared. I would start crying again.
Dev had become my hell and my heaven. He was everything I lived for and every reason why I wanted to die. I would keep thinking about him, what we had been to each other and what we could now be and I would continue to cry.
I talked endlessly to all my friends about this dilemma and all of them said same thing. ‘Don’t worry, Nicole, this whole experience will just make you stronger. Besides, we’re all here for you; now and forever.” I was sick and tired of hearing the same thing repeatedly.
One day, my friend Sasha suddenly said, while I was on the phone with her, “Nicole listen to me. I have an idea. I was reading an article the other day on techniques to get over lost loves. In that, it said, follow the age-old ‘An-Eye-for-An-Eye’ policy. It is sure to help!
After, hanging up, I sat down, to think about what Sasha had suggested. The song continued to play in the background, and that’s when it all fell into place in my mind. I called Sasha and said, “I’ve got it all figured out. He broke my heart. Now I want to break his. However, he doesn’t care for me any longer. So someone else has to do it for me.”
“Now wait a minute,” said Sasha. “I’m not going to do that for you, if that’s where you’re getting.”
“But it can only be you, Sasha,” I argued. “He always seemed to like so it’ll be rather easy for you.”
An hour later, after a lot of coaxing and cajoling, I had managed to convince her. And so began Project Heartbreak. I couldn’t wait to see the look on Dev’s face the day Sasha broke his heart just as he had broken mine.
Nobody else knew our secret. Mutual friends were shocked by what they thought was Sasha’s betrayal of our friendship. They could not understand why I still was so fond of her even after she started dating the one I loved.
Then, it all went terribly wrong. Sasha came to me one day, and anxious look on her face, “Nicole,” she said. “I have something to tell you that’s going to make you awfully ashamed of me.” I looked at her with growing horror. I could guess what was coming. “How could you do this to me, Sasha?” I barked. “So you’ve fallen for him, haven’t you, and now you don’t want to finish Project Heartbreak.”
Sasha looked at me as if I was mad. “Don’t be silly!” she said. “Certainly not! Remember, today is the day that I’m going to do it and I feel so nervous. I’m sorry I’m such a coward, I know you must be ashamed of me, but I won’t let you down. I promise. Project Heartbreak is going to be accomplished today no matter what.”
It was all over town the next day. Sasha had dumped Dev. But Dev, it turned out, was not half as strong as I was either that or he had been more in love with Sasha than we had realized. His love for her beat mine for him. Dev hung himself that night from the ceiling fan in his room.
As I stood by his coffin, watching the man I loved being taken away from me forever, I realized that they were all wrong. Revenge is never sweet. It is hateful and empty. I felt hollow and wasted. I knew I should have been happy but I was not. All I felt was a deep, vacant space within me…