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i once made you smile
I’m pretty sure why he had told me to meet him at the park and I knew it couldn’t be good. Now I have a feeling it’s about me and peter’s relationship and what I had done now. See it’s because me and Peter are two very different types of people. I am the type of person who wants to be loved, but pushes it away, but secretly loves him, and Peter on the other hand is a head over heels hopeless romantic, like I said two different people. So therefore we don’t have a really good relationship.
Anyway I was sitting there on the bench waiting for him, rambling through my purse trying to kill time. I was listening to the little kids play and would look up every time I heard a car door slam to see if it was him. A few minutes past and peters car pulled up right in front of me reflecting the sunlight into my eyes, which really hurt by the way. Anyway Peter gets out of the car and walks over to me. I stood up and said “Hi, what are we doing here?”
He stood there for a moment with his head down, hands in his pocket, rocking back and forth on the heels of his shoes. Just the look on his face made it look like he had something bothering him. Barely under his breath had he said “Can we, um, take a walk and just talk Alyssa?”
“Sure” I said while having a unsure look on my face.
As me and him walked, Peter keeps his distance from me. When we got half way down the path, where nobody else was at peter stopped and I realized a little while after that he was not beside me. I looked back at him with the corners of my eyes. He moved a little closer to me and put his hands on my shoulders to move me to where we where face to face.
“Listen. I need to say something to you.” Peter said in a hesitant voice.
“Ok” I said while shifting my eyes like I was irritated.
“I don’t want to be with you any more.” Peter said looking into right into my light brown eyes.
“You have got to be kidding me.” I said in almost a laughing voice.
“No, no, I’m not.” Peter said while shaking his head.
“Yes, you are we break up like every week and still get back together.” I said in a frighten voice. At that moment I was afraid to lose him.
“Well this time, I’m for real.” Peter said in a hysterical voice.
“And why are you breaking up with me?” I said with a crack in my voice, like I was about to cry with the tears already forming. I tried to look away from him so that would not happen, with the wind moving my brown-reddish hair to the left.
“Because when we are together alone your all nice, but when were in public you’re so mean and your smart remarks make me feel dumb.
“Wow, you have always known I was like that.”
“Yeah, well you don’t make it like our relationship is worth anything on this up and down rollercoaster and I really don’t want to be in this relationship with you any more.”
“Then what do you want from me.” I said in a frustrating tone, from already being mad that I was out here in the cold.
“For you to show me love and I don’t think you can do that.” Said Peter in a some what sobbing but yet calm voice.
That one line left me just standing there puzzled, especially that one word love. That one word that went with the phrase “I love you” that I really wanted to say then and there, but I knew not to. That phrase had a bigger meaning behind them and I knew not to use them there at that moment.
“You don’t show and love and to show love you need to love yourself first or maybe it has to do with the way you have changed, but I don’t love you the way I use to.” Said Peter in a strike voice.
“But” I said
“But nothing, I just can’t be with you. You treated me like trash in public, in front of my boys, and no one treats me like that, especially a girl like you. So bye Alyssa, you missed out on a great guy.” Peter said and walked off a few steps and said “You once made me smile, but now I can’t stand to look at you.” With that he took one last look at me and walked away.
That last line but me on the edge and just as love is a four letter word, so were some swear words I yelled to him as he walked away from me.
I walked home that day sad wondering if he would ever come back to me. I would tell him I loved him and that I had changed because I loved him. He didn’t, he moved on, but what I learned from that day is that love takes Lots Of Valuable Emotions and you have to be willing to let your self open up and never every take there love for granted, like I did.