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I wanted to surprise him, but he just wanted to let me go. I wanted to make things better, while he was trying just as hard to make things fall apart. Opposites....that's what we were, a puzzle piece that just didn't fit. You could say it was because my hair was straight and his was curly, or that I was shy and he was the captain of the football team....any one could believe he would dump me for her. I believed it, only it wasn't that simple......The laughter is gone, along with all the memories that create a hole in my chest at the mention of his name. Popsicles can't be eaten without me remembering the last summer I spent with him. Songs can't be played without tears being shed over the memories of his voice trying to keep in tone with the music. He was my first love, the one that will never completely leave me.....and I know you may say that I am exaggerating but he was the one that for a time I thought I couldn't live without. But he didn't last and he let go....and now I have to too.
For once it was sunny, a rare day almost like a diamond, precious and rarely seen up in Washington. Of course I raced to his house trying to keep the image of this sunny day in my brain forever! I thought it was a sign, it being sunny on our anniversary! Four months I remember thinking how long that was, but the time seen to have flown by...after all I was 16 and in love! He was my first everything and yes I lost my virginity to him. A mistake I bare the guilt of by myself, when we met at the lake we stood there momentarily awed at the sight of the sun reflecting over the lake. He took my hand and we started carefully down to edge, he placed a light kiss on my lips and as always I felt that buzz of electricity that flowed from me to him. I soon lost sight of were I was and I am sad to admit that I even forgot my name. I was to busy taking him in the taste of his lips like sunshine and lucky charms, a smiled curved the corner of my mouth when I thought of his favorite breakfast cereal. When he pulled back he circled me in my arms, I almost knew it was coming but I didn't try to break away as he pushed me into the lake. I came up sputtering, trying to regain my breath I looked along the bank for him but he wasn't there. I called for him and jumped when he came up from behind me.
“HENRY!” I screamed and laughed at the same time.
He burst out laughing and I dunked him under, knowing he let me but for some reason it didn't bother me. We floated for a while just holding hands and enjoying the sun while it lasted, when he told me he had a surprise for me. He carried me up to the waters edge and set me down before disappearing into the brush of the trees. He came back holding a picnic basket with a huge grin on his face, I gasped that he had planned this all and when to sit in his lap as he revealed the feast before us. I laughed as he pulled out PB&J and chips, thinking it was perfect for the afternoon. At the end he revealed a soft flower, just out in bloom about the size of my palm. It was purple with yellow lining the center and I held still as he tucked the flower behind my ear. I gave him a hug, but he stiffened when I embraced him and I asked him what was wrong he brushed it off saying we should get back. I didn't pay much attention to the change in mood, because even though he acted different I didn't want to believe there was anything wrong. He walked me home, like a gentlemen and like all the movies kissed me my porch and told me he would call later. I drifted on a cloud the rest of the day, going through the motion oblivious to the world around me and sucked into my own bubble of joy. I only began to awaken into reality when he didn't call by 8:00. I told myself it was still early and that he may have got caught up in what he was doing, after all I trusted him. I sent him a quick text around 10:00 and went to sleep certain I would see him tomorrow. My worry set in when I checked my phone the next morning and saw that he hadn't text-ed me back the night before like he usually does.
I walked over to his house and even though it was still early knocked on the door, the eerie silence launched my deeper into my worry. His mom answered the door with a wary look on her face, and he eyes only showed pity deep within them. I asked her where Henry was, and I think she sensed the worry that seeped into my voice and let me in. She knew what was going on and she didn't tell me, but I can't hold that against her, he was her son. I walked up the stairs each step taken with reluctance, and when I reached the top I held my breath as I walked into Henry's room. It was as if he sensed my presence for he immediately looked up when I entered. His face paled and I looked around for something he wouldn't want me to see. I gasped when I noticed a girl about my age lying in his bed,she was beautiful, he hair a silvery blonde layed tangled in all directions. Her flimsy night gown barely reaching past mid thigh, and a slight flush flowered her soft cream colored skin. I was no match for her, I looked at her one last time admiring the girls face before I turned to look at him already backing out of the room. He grabbed my wrist when I tried to run and pulled me close to him.
“I love you.” He stated, nothing more.
“What's her name.” I asked quietly, not wanting to wake her.
“ Else...Don't start this.” He said with a pleading note to his voice.
“You started it. You owe me this much.” This I stated in a clear voice my heart already hardening determined not to show the pain he was causing.
“Her name is Sarah, she is a mistake. I love you, please don't leave me! I'll never see her again!Please!” A sob strangled his throat as he said this, making my next words so much harder to say.
“That's not the point, you don't deserve me! You cheated on me and somehow can ask for my forgiveness?” The fact that he thought he could just walk all over me hurt me that much more. I bit down on my bottom lip to keep my sobs from echoing across the room.
“I know I don't deserve it but I love you, and I wanted to marry you!This was a one time thing I promise it won't happen again!” He was crying now and I could barely make out the words he was saying.
“That's a promise I am not sure you can keep. Goodbye Henry.” My voice broke on those last words and a threw myself out of his arms and ran for the door hoping he wouldn't come after me. I hear him call my name, but I kept running. I was almost to the door when a hand on my shoulder turned my around.
“Let go already Henry, I HATE YOU!!” I screamed trying to break free, but the hand held firm and I looked to see that it was Henry's parents. There kindness towards me had always touched my heart and I saw that they to held anger towards Henry for what he had done.
“Were sorry things had to end this way, your a good kid. We wish our son hadn't done what he had but he can't fix it. We know he's sorry and that he doesn't deserve a second chance but...” They stopped as the heard a gasp from up the stairs. Henry was crouched behind the stair case listening to out every word.
“Thanks.” I muttered so low I wasn't sure they heard me, and this time they let me go as I charged out the door. My tears finally breaking free.
So as you see now, I let go and as of right now forgiveness is not an option. He hurt me and I know that I might never get him back....I am not sure if I will ever trust the same again, but Henry changed me. He taught me to love for better or worse, but I have to move on. To stay here frozen in time grieving over what was never my fault, and something that I can not change is hopeless. Maybe we can be friends again sometime near, but I no longer blame him and that's one step I am proud to take.