Maybe

By , Potomac, MD
“Oh my goodness! He asked for her number!”
Gasps and squeals erupted from the girls standing around me. I joined in too, not wanting them to see the disappointment on my face.
I look over at the two; they were sitting next to each other on a table with their legs hanging off the edge. He was typing on his phone while she was swinging her legs back and forth. It felt like someone just punched me in the stomach. Especially when the thought came into my head that they actually looked adorable together.
She was my friend… but why her? Why not me? I had talked to him a few days earlier and I kept noticing him looking at me out of the corner of my eye when we weren’t talking. He came to me and sat down next to me and asked for my opinions and smiled at me. So why not me?
Did he get the wrong message? Did he think that I wasn’t interested? ‘Cause it’s not true! I was completely interested! Or… was he even interested in the first place?
I always do this. Whenever I meet a guy that is cute and nice and it seems like our relationship could go somewhere further, I just lead myself to disappointment. I make it out to seem more than it really is, and when he asks another girl out it’s just the worst feeling ever.
Maybe I just won’t worry about guys for now… I’ll just focus on my success and my dreams and my friends and family and just living my life for me. But whenever I think that, it makes me sad; I have always had that mentality. I have never had a relationship with a boy before. Now it’s time! I’m ready now! I want someone to share these things in my life with.
But maybe it’s for the better… After all, on “How I Met You Mother,” Ted and Marshall said that people always find relationships when they’re not focused on finding one.
These things are so confusing. My thoughts are always just bouncing around my head and it’s hard for me to focus on one without thinking about all of the others. Maybe he was just asking for her number as a friend… maybe everyone was making too big of a deal about it… maybe, maybe, maybe.
I hate the word maybe. It’s so indefinite. I can never know what the truth is with the word maybe. It makes me doubt myself and other people. It brings me false hope.
So for now… I won’t think about the maybes. I’ll just live life and things will happen and maybe some of those things will be good and some will be great and maybe they’ll happen to me. Oh, wow. I said maybe twice in that sentence.
Well, life always brings maybes. Whether they’re good or bad, their inevitable. Some can bring hope, some can destroy. It’s a part of the life that I’m living, so I might as well accept it and move on. Maybe one of the maybes that swim through my head will actually come true… a good maybe… I have to make it happen on my own though. I guess we’ll just have to see.





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