Little Princess

October 23, 2011
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We have to keep going. If we stop now it’s all over. These past few hours have been a complete blur. It feels like my heart is going to burst out of my chest and land on the floor in a pile of panic and gut wrenching fear. I feel like I can’t go on anymore. I have to keep going. We have to keep going. I just wish that it didn’t have to be like this. It was never going to be simple, but does it really need to be this hard? My feet hurt so much, my chest has never been so tight and the cold air is making the tears on my face burn against with the intense bitter taste of hatred. I just need to escape from everything, it wouldn’t have to be like this if things were different. It seems that things will never change. If they won’t change then I will have to make them change. I don’t think I have ever been in this much agony before. It’s the type of pain that is so excruciating that it makes you feel physically sick, there’s no time for that. I feel like we have been running for miles, it probably hasn’t been far but I have never been into running to be honest. We’ve been left with no option, no matter how extreme it may seem I have a reason for this. I don’t want you to judge me like they all have, I am fed up with it. You’d do the same if you were in my position, I’m not just another overdramatic teenage trying to ‘cry for help’.
I remember the times when I was younger when everything in life just seemed to work just like a fairy-tale, cartoon or a story book. Life was always good and everyone was happy. On the outside anyway, I was completely oblivious to what was really happening I suppose. I suppose that behind all the painted smiles and the sugar coated lies that all my nightmares were real in some form or another. It’s only now that I wish that I could be young again. It’s ironic really; you spend your whole childhood wishing you were older, and growing up wishing that a hug from your mother could make everything better. It’s only when you grow up that reality presents it ugly head and drains the happiness from a moment at any given opportunity. Its when this happens that a plaster or a lollipop won’t compensate the heartache anymore, the wounds lie deeper than any antiseptic can reach and bigger than any plaster can mask.
Every so called ‘adult’ will tell you how they have been in your position and how they were a teenager once. I can’t imagine any adult that I know in the position that I am in. I am sick to death of it all. The nagging, judgement and the pity. Don’t even bother pitying me, I’m living my life. It all started when I became my own person you could say. I wasn’t the pretty little princess in a pink dress anymore. The pink slowly turned to black, the sparkles became dull and then smiles turned upside down as I found my own direction. This didn’t sit well with the parents, especially as the piercings began to gradually sneak themselves into my skin. Every aspect of their little princess was withering and slowly dying. That’s when everything started to change. Nobody around me could accept or understand anything that I was feeling. Well, I say no one.
I fell in love with someone, but it wasn’t prince charming. He didn’t come and save me at midnight or awaken me from an endless sleep with a true loves kiss. He was my prince, but no one approved. Same old cliché you may think, but you haven’t heard the worst of it yet. He understood me for who I was, he never judged or compared me to anyone but me. It’s more than I can say for anyone else in my life. If I thought that I had been in trouble before I was in for a whole world of endless heated arguments and relentless rows. He wasn’t the straight A student that my parents wanted for me, he wasn’t the clean cut perfect little angel that my parents wanted for their daughter. Well that’s not their problem anymore, I’m not their problem anymore. I can’t deal with all the stress and the judgement that I am subjected to every waking moment of my suffocated life. He cares about me. More than they ever did that’s for sure. Before he came along I had lost all faith in everything, I was at a point in my life where nothing mattered to me anymore.
So now I’m running. We’re running, from the present and from the past in hope to find a better future. I have never been in so much pain but felt so much freedom and happiness all at the same time. I feel like a kaleidoscope of emotion and feelings as I run for my life trying to find a better one. My feet are bleeding, my heart is racing and we won’t stop running. We will never stop running until we find somewhere were we can be together.
Everyone deserves a happy ending. We never want to be found. So all you need to know is that he is my prince and I am his princess and we got our happy ending.





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