Please love me?

October 13, 2011
"The thing is...I don't love you. And no matter how much you wish it could be different, it won't change. I tried to be someone who could be your rock but when I found out you wanted me to be more I just, couldn't. I know you hate seeing me cry and I know you hate seeing the person you love the most be broken but that's just the way it is. I cry at stuff like this and so I'm crying. I break with words like these and so I'm...breaking. It hurts me to know that tomorrow won't be the same. Because I'll try to move on but you'll try so hard to hold on. And I'm gonna push you away. No matter how much I hate saying that, I will. And I'll hurt you much more than in a physical matter. Because when you break your bones it hurts and you cry but you learn from it. But when you break your heart it hurts deeper and you cry more but no one understands why, so you're kinda left alone with the things you feel only on the inside. And you might think you'll learn form it but you won't. No matter how much you'll try to stop yourself from getting hurt again, you won't be able to. And next thing you know you'll be crying again with no one to help. So here I am being the first one to break your heart and start your beginning. I hope you don't take it as hard as I did." I left my words hanging in mid-air, we were standing there for a couple minutes before he finally spoke.

"No. I'm not gonna let you walk away. Although you might think you don't love me, you do. Because deep down, everyday your yearning to see me. You're the one who calls to make plans. You're the one whose eyes smile when you see me. You're the one who loves me more but won't admit it. I'm not gonna let you walk away because then it'll be a lose-lose situation. But if you stay at least one us wins, and sooner or later you'll be able to admit that we both won the battle. So I'm not letting you leave. Because that would only make things harder for you to admit your feelings for me. And if you leave it would be too late and we'd be able to do nothing except for be hopeless romantics. I'm not letting you leave." His words were firm. As firm as I tried to make mine sound except for the fact that I was crying all over the place. I took a step back and shook my head.

"No." I said quietly. "No!" I said louder. "NO!" I yelled as I was turning and running away from the boy I was leaving behind and the boy who would be the one to ever love me that much. And to the only boy who understood me and helped me and cared for me. I did actually love him. But I wasn't about to get attached to someone who would leave me for the others. Or for someone who would get bored with the same things we did everyday. I was going to be smart this time. Or so I thought.





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