What do you say when your first love believes hes something hes obviously not? It all started at a party not to long ago with his cool smile, flawless looks and eyes that showed years of hurt and pain I instantly fell head over heels in love. Some people don't believe in that kind of thing you know, just plain out falling in love with someone you didn't have any clue who was. I used to be one of those people but not anymore. I swallowed all my fear of rejection and heart full of shyness and walked up to him and introduced myself hoping and praying some how he would magically feel the same feelings I was feeling. Two weeks later my wish came true. I was smiling happily into a phone when he told me he wanted to make me his "forever and always," he said he always said that "i love you forever and always babe," I was officially the happiest girl in the world nothing could ruin my happiness nothing I permanently had a smile across my face and it would never be wiped off no matter what happened. We opened up to each other and shared all our deepest darkest secrets so dark and deep we cried on the phone to each other some nights. He was closer to me then any friend. I loved him. I absolutely did truly love him, then he told me a secret that didn't make any sense to me. I believed he believed he was one but it just didn't sound right. So I ignored it while the voice in the back of my head was telling me he was crazy and needed serious help. I stayed with him even thought i was scared for my safety as well as his. Why would he tell me something like that and then expect me to be fine with it? He seriously was crazy what was I going to do? All these questions kept circulating in my mind until it drove me crazy and had me thinking the same way he was. I really needed to get out of this relationship but how could I leave the first guy I ever loved? The one that was put through so much pain and suffering when he was younger? The guy that had no parents and treated me like his everything like I was all he needed? I would completely die inside in the end but this was something that needed to be done, and it was just that. Done.
Love can only take you so far
September 4, 2011