Snowy Bliss

August 24, 2011
By ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time." - Anonymous

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear." - Anonymous


Running through the woods, I laugh as I stumble over rocks, trip over fallen branches, and slip on unseen ice. Finally I find the clearing, the place we always go to. Gasping for breath, I stumble to the middle of the clearing and use my gloved hand to brush off the powdery snow on a large rock and seat myself at its peak.
“Where are you?” I hear him call from somewhere to my left.
“Here!” I answerr, still giggling and trying to catch my breath.
Soon he appears out of the dense foliage. Twigs entangled in his hair and an amused smile playing about his lips. Silently he strides over and sits down next to me. Almost instantly, a shiver passes down my spine. I know it isn’t from the cold, so I hastily disguise it by rubbing my hands furiously up and down my arms. Without a word, he takes off his own woolen coat and drapes it around my shoulders. I smile at him gratefully, though the extra layer does nothing to calm my nerves.
Anxious to draw attention away from myself, I begin pointing out various things. Doesn’t that mound of snow look exactly like a sleeping dog? How perfect is the light shining through those icicles?
“Look!” I whisper in amazement, for a bright red cardinal had just perched itself atop a branch directly in front of us. “Isn’t he beautiful? I wonder what he’s doing here, though, in the dead of winter.” I turn to him for an answer and see that he hasn’t so much as glanced at the mysterious bird, but is looking straight at me. I look away and draw his coat tighter around me. Quietly he stands up, not wishing to disturb the moment, and bows.
“May I have this dance?” His voice is barely audible.
I blush furiously, thankful for the frigid temperatures that have already turned my nose into a ripe cherry, and my cheeks into two rosy apples.
“Why of course you may,” I say with mock etiquette and gracefully reach for his outstretched arm.
Immediately he sweeps me into a slow waltz. As my head comes to rest on his shoulder and his arms grasp about my waist, I close my eyes, feeling only his tender touch and hearing nothing but the soft crunch of our feet in the snow and an occasional bird’s song. We stand there, leisurely turning in the white arena when suddenly I feel an icy sensation on the nape of my neck. I gasp and break the seemingly impenetrable spell surrounding us.
“What is it?” he asks pulling out of our embrace.
I look up and snowflakes begin to pile up on my eyelashes and adorn my hair like little jewels from heaven.
“It’s snowing,” I say as I think of how absolutely flawless this moment is. I look back at him. His eyes are twinkling. Hands still around my waist, he gently twirls us both around and brings me closer to him. Forehead resting on top of mine and one hand entangled in my hair, he asks, “May I have this kiss?”
I smile and look into his deep, dark eyes. Eyes so deep you feel if you look into them for too long, you might lose yourself and never come back out again. With my heart pounding and spirits soaring, shakily I breathe, “Of course you may.”


The author's comments:
I love writing about cute romance, especially with defined seasons. This one took me a while to perfect, but it all payed off in the end. Hope you enjoy it.

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This article has 29 comments.


on Apr. 2 2014 at 1:08 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

Cute story!! Your descriptions are fantastic! 5/5 stars

on Jan. 12 2012 at 5:54 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
One of the cutest things I have read :) Great description and emotion!

on Dec. 24 2011 at 1:41 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Great job! Love this! Keep up the great work! :)(:

on Dec. 15 2011 at 3:52 pm
FictionWriter BRONZE, Surprise, Arizona
4 articles 5 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never judge a book by it's movie.

Amazing! I loved it. The imagery was superb. =)

on Nov. 23 2011 at 5:14 pm
selahoverrated GOLD, Mt Sidney, Virginia
11 articles 0 photos 43 comments
yeah its really cute and sweet.......

BluBliss GOLD said...
on Oct. 9 2011 at 1:08 pm
BluBliss GOLD, New York, New York
14 articles 0 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bella's love for Edward was like, "Omg. He's hot. He's mine because he sparkles. Now I'll brood the wholle book while I'm with him."

This is so cute! You just know what's going on, but you can't help but keep reading. Now i feel cold.... heh heh.

on Sep. 20 2011 at 6:32 pm
Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND, No, Missouri
87 articles 108 photos 968 comments

Favorite Quote:
All gave some, some gave all. -War Veterans headstone.

Sooo cute. I wish there was more to read, but you kept it short and sweet, which was GREAT!  Awesome job!

on Sep. 17 2011 at 6:32 pm
Thief_of_your_heart SILVER, Knox, Tennessee
7 articles 3 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
live long and rock on!

It's nice and flowey ( I don't even know if that's a word. :P), making if a beautiful piece! Good job. ;)

on Sep. 9 2011 at 3:12 pm
ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time." - Anonymous

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear." - Anonymous

lol  Thanks so much!  Yes, I love descriptions so it's good to hear that you felt mine were well written.  <><

on Sep. 8 2011 at 7:53 pm
Saphirra BRONZE, Auburn, Pennsylvania
4 articles 13 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Falling is just like flying except there’s a more permanent destination.” -Some person on Tumblr

It's beautiful!  Your descriptions are amazing, I actually could feel the cold snow falling on me too! :D keep it up! I wish i could help by giving some criticism but I didnt see anything! Awesome job!

Steph0804 GOLD said...
on Sep. 5 2011 at 7:14 am
Steph0804 GOLD, Seoul, Other
12 articles 4 photos 206 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog: you understand it better, but the frog dies in the process." -E.B. White

This was beautiful! Nice descriptive work! You had a typo (answerr), and I think you didn't mean to make this a separate sentence (Twigs entangled in his hair and an amused smile playing about his lips), but this was awesome!

on Sep. 5 2011 at 12:12 am
dia.dreamer GOLD, Kochi, Other
10 articles 0 photos 145 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I saw an angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." - Michelangelo
"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am." - Sylvia Plath

awww, really sweet story!! nicely written. I like the descriptions...keep writing!! and check out my stuff too! :)

on Sep. 2 2011 at 7:16 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2216 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity.
~Amoniel

"Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'"
~Thesilentraven

Awwwww, this is perfect.

on Sep. 2 2011 at 11:10 am
Readqueenz7 SILVER, Oak Park, Illinois
6 articles 9 photos 16 comments
This is beautiful. Great work!

purpleroar23 said...
on Sep. 1 2011 at 11:34 pm
purpleroar23, Wallawalla, Other
0 articles 0 photos 21 comments
Ahh. You made me start to cry. Lovely story. I would say the only thing that needs changing is your grammar - just a few careless mistakes, mostly in the beginning. I could totally picture the scene, and got lost in it for a moment. :) I love your writing style, and your word choice. Good work. :D

nsane PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 31 2011 at 4:13 pm
nsane PLATINUM, San Jose, California
26 articles 2 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
You will never leave where you are, until you decide where you'd rather be.

yeah, no problem! i totally understand how you feel about not getting honest feedback. i found that usually other writers can point things out, if you want serious critiques you should join inkpop :) its a writing site like this one where you can get a real editors critique

on Aug. 31 2011 at 3:51 pm
ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time." - Anonymous

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear." - Anonymous

Definitely.  Thanks so much.  I have my family read my short stories, but I never get honest feedback.  Or at least it feels that way.  =+)  I do agree with your "developing" idea for the characters, but in this particular story I wanted to leave the readers to imagine their own PC, rather than give them mine.  And thank you for the comment on the last paragraph.  That was actually the hardest one of them all and I didn't like the sound of it myself but didn't know what else to put.  =+/  For my future stories I will remember (and probably use) all of your advice.  Thank you so much for being honest and willing to help me devolp my writing skills.  =+)

nsane PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 30 2011 at 10:21 pm
nsane PLATINUM, San Jose, California
26 articles 2 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
You will never leave where you are, until you decide where you'd rather be.

Hi so these are just opinons!

first sentence--too long to be properly captivating, pick one description. either stumbling over rocks or fallen branches...just one.

(note) if you say stumble over rocks, dont use it again in the next sentence, it becomes very obvious as a first time reader, something you may not notice on your own.

i really like how realistic she sounds when nervous, especiallly the lines --doesn't that mound of snow...those icicles?--

when you went straight to the dance it was a bit random. try to make the transition smoother by either having them stare at each other for a moment before she looks away.  have her blush or have them stay quite for a bit, maybe have her take a couple of quick glances to see if he is still staring or something. i really think the blush should be before he asks, not after, after, she should just be pleased. happy.

i thin kyou use common verbs alot, so try to use different descriptions. it might sound longer, but its better than using the same descriptive words. 

>eyes so deep...i didn't like that sentence, it was too cliched and it was really choppy in that paragraph. i think you should get rid of it.

overall: this is one of the best short romantic stories i've read on this site. you capture the feelings and the background really well and your writing is fairly smooth, making it easy to read and be a part of the scene. things i would change would be: develop the guy more, he's very two dimmensional right now while your mc has a recognizable voice. you could make them contrasting, have the mc be a bit more nervous, him more calm. also add descriptions to what your characters look like. i love that it was short and sweet.


on Aug. 30 2011 at 1:36 pm
Annmarie11_12_13 ELITE, Paramus, New Jersey
109 articles 0 photos 54 comments
This is just...I can't find words to describe it.  It's sweet and calm and...you have a gift.

Skylight said...
on Aug. 29 2011 at 7:56 pm
Skylight, Hurst, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 47 comments
Wow, this is really good! It's so cute and sweet, and I almost cried. :')


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