Snowy Bliss

August 24, 2011
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Running through the woods, I laugh as I stumble over rocks, trip over fallen branches, and slip on unseen ice. Finally I find the clearing, the place we always go to. Gasping for breath, I stumble to the middle of the clearing and use my gloved hand to brush off the powdery snow on a large rock and seat myself at its peak.
“Where are you?” I hear him call from somewhere to my left.
“Here!” I answerr, still giggling and trying to catch my breath.
Soon he appears out of the dense foliage. Twigs entangled in his hair and an amused smile playing about his lips. Silently he strides over and sits down next to me. Almost instantly, a shiver passes down my spine. I know it isn’t from the cold, so I hastily disguise it by rubbing my hands furiously up and down my arms. Without a word, he takes off his own woolen coat and drapes it around my shoulders. I smile at him gratefully, though the extra layer does nothing to calm my nerves.
Anxious to draw attention away from myself, I begin pointing out various things. Doesn’t that mound of snow look exactly like a sleeping dog? How perfect is the light shining through those icicles?
“Look!” I whisper in amazement, for a bright red cardinal had just perched itself atop a branch directly in front of us. “Isn’t he beautiful? I wonder what he’s doing here, though, in the dead of winter.” I turn to him for an answer and see that he hasn’t so much as glanced at the mysterious bird, but is looking straight at me. I look away and draw his coat tighter around me. Quietly he stands up, not wishing to disturb the moment, and bows.
“May I have this dance?” His voice is barely audible.
I blush furiously, thankful for the frigid temperatures that have already turned my nose into a ripe cherry, and my cheeks into two rosy apples.
“Why of course you may,” I say with mock etiquette and gracefully reach for his outstretched arm.
Immediately he sweeps me into a slow waltz. As my head comes to rest on his shoulder and his arms grasp about my waist, I close my eyes, feeling only his tender touch and hearing nothing but the soft crunch of our feet in the snow and an occasional bird’s song. We stand there, leisurely turning in the white arena when suddenly I feel an icy sensation on the nape of my neck. I gasp and break the seemingly impenetrable spell surrounding us.
“What is it?” he asks pulling out of our embrace.
I look up and snowflakes begin to pile up on my eyelashes and adorn my hair like little jewels from heaven.
“It’s snowing,” I say as I think of how absolutely flawless this moment is. I look back at him. His eyes are twinkling. Hands still around my waist, he gently twirls us both around and brings me closer to him. Forehead resting on top of mine and one hand entangled in my hair, he asks, “May I have this kiss?”
I smile and look into his deep, dark eyes. Eyes so deep you feel if you look into them for too long, you might lose yourself and never come back out again. With my heart pounding and spirits soaring, shakily I breathe, “Of course you may.”

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This article has 29 comments. Post your own now!

WinterRose1976 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 2, 2014 at 1:08 pm
Cute story!! Your descriptions are fantastic! 5/5 stars
SarasotaWonder said...
Jan. 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm
One of the cutest things I have read :) Great description and emotion!
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 24, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Great job! Love this! Keep up the great work! :)(:
FictionWriter said...
Dec. 15, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Amazing! I loved it. The imagery was superb. =)
Odessa_Sterling00 said...
Sept. 20, 2011 at 6:32 pm
Sooo cute. I wish there was more to read, but you kept it short and sweet, which was GREAT!  Awesome job!
IT_WILL_RAIN replied...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 5:14 pm
yeah its really cute and sweet.......
Thief_of_your_heart said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 6:32 pm
It's nice and flowey ( I don't even know if that's a word. :P), making if a beautiful piece! Good job. ;)
Saphirra said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 7:53 pm
It's beautiful!  Your descriptions are amazing, I actually could feel the cold snow falling on me too! :D keep it up! I wish i could help by giving some criticism but I didnt see anything! Awesome job!
ChocoMint replied...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 3:12 pm
lol  Thanks so much!  Yes, I love descriptions so it's good to hear that you felt mine were well written.  <><
Steph0804 said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 7:14 am
This was beautiful! Nice descriptive work! You had a typo (answerr), and I think you didn't mean to make this a separate sentence (Twigs entangled in his hair and an amused smile playing about his lips), but this was awesome!
dia.dreamer said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 12:12 am
awww, really sweet story!! nicely written. I like the descriptions...keep writing!! and check out my stuff too! :)
IamtheshyStargirl said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Awwwww, this is perfect.
Readqueenz7 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 11:10 am
This is beautiful. Great work!
purpleroar23 said...
Sept. 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm
Ahh. You made me start to cry. Lovely story. I would say the only thing that needs changing is your grammar - just a few careless mistakes, mostly in the beginning. I could totally picture the scene, and got lost in it for a moment. :) I love your writing style, and your word choice. Good work. :D
nsanelaine This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 30, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Hi so these are just opinons!

first sentence--too long to be properly captivating, pick one description. either stumbling over rocks or fallen branches...just one.

(note) if you say stumble over rocks, dont use it again in the next sentence, it becomes very obvious as a first time reader, something you may not notice on your own.

i really like how realistic she sounds when nervous, especiallly the lines --doesn't that mound of snow...those icicles?--

when you went ... (more »)

ChocoMint replied...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Definitely.  Thanks so much.  I have my family read my short stories, but I never get honest feedback.  Or at least it feels that way.  =+)  I do agree with your "developing" idea for the characters, but in this particular story I wanted to leave the readers to imagine their own PC, rather than give them mine.  And thank you for the comment on the last paragraph.  That was actually the hardest one of them all and I didn't like the sound of it myself b... (more »)
nsanelaine This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 4:13 pm
yeah, no problem! i totally understand how you feel about not getting honest feedback. i found that usually other writers can point things out, if you want serious critiques you should join inkpop :) its a writing site like this one where you can get a real editors critique
Annmarie11_12_13 said...
Aug. 30, 2011 at 1:36 pm
This is just...I can't find words to describe it.  It's sweet and calm have a gift.
Skylight said...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Wow, this is really good! It's so cute and sweet, and I almost cried. :')
Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 10:32 am
aw this is so cute i love it! i really like the choice of words you used and it has fantastic imagery, good job!:)
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