Letters to Luke: Letter Four

July 13, 2011
Dear Luke,

The tears sting as they roll down my face but your finger tips warm my cheeks as you wipe each tear away. I'm scared. You can tell. I don't know how to continue. I've never lived without him.

"It's going to be ok. This was for the best." you whisper lacing your fingers through mine.

"How do I..." I trail off as a stream of sobs fill the silence.

"You loved him. It's not going to be easy." I stare into your beautifully hazel eyes and love you even more for being here, a thousand miles from our homes, sitting on my grandfather's porch swing in Florida.

"He's gone Luke. Gone. I will never see him again. This house? His House? It's being sold. My last piece of him, my last memory, it will be gone before long." Your strong arms pull me into you and I bury my face into your chest.

You kiss the top of my head as you whisper, "memories don't die Ava. You'll always have them." I know this of course, but it feels impossible to believe right now. It feels as though you're the only person I have to get me through this, but I don't admit that. I just think of my mother, she's probably doing exactly what I am right now, realizing that we buried my grandpa today. I can't rely on her to get me through this, she is in an even worse place then I am. She lost her father. So I'm relying on you Luke. With your perfect olive skin, wavy dark brown hair, and deep, powerful, beautiful soul. I need it all. I need you. But you know that.

I shiver feeling the cool breeze off the ocean brush across my shoulders. We eventually go inside to put on warmer clothes. It's December, too cold for just a dress.

I break down again, seeing the cliche black dress hanging on my shoulders. You come running into the room seconds later, hearing me throw a little metal box at my reflection in the mirror, and watching it shatter to a million pieces.

You rush to me immediately, grabbing my arms and wrapping them around your body. I realize then that you are only wearing a pair of sweatpants. I had interrupted you changing in the next room.

"You need to put on some warm clothes." You say pulling away. After rummaging through my suitcase and throwing a t-shirt and sweatpants on to my bed, you face away from me so I can put them on. I pull off my dress replacing it with the outfit lying across the edge of the bed.

You turn around just as the t-shirt falls over my head and covers my bare stomach. The look on my face must still say a lot because you immediately know that I still need to be held. You pull me into you again, and I melt in your arms. I look up at you, in all of your perfection and I kiss you.

"Thank you" I say as I look deep into your beautiful eyes and see straight into your soul. The soul of my best friend. The soul of my love.

"Ava, you don't need to thank me. There is no where else I would want to be right now." You're smiling. I know you well enough to know you're just glad I want you there.

"I love you." I whisper.

"I know." You say. "I love you too Ava, but you know that I have since I was just 15. Since that cruise."

"Yes." I say, sitting back on to the bed. You pull the covers down so I can get into bed. As you go to tuck me in I grab your hand and pull you next to me. You lay with me until I fall asleep and then head back to your bedroom.

I'm 16. You're 18. And we're in love. Sometimes I wonder if you realize how much I need you. How much I love you. Because I owe my life to you. You saved me from myself, from my own grief. I need you, but I don't deserve you.

Promise me you'll never leave.

Love,
Ava





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xTheSandman said...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 11:00 pm
I remember reading this in Math, and I know this one must mean the most to you. It is clear it is tied in to the reality of what happened a few years ago, and what happened with my Grandma around the same time. Truly touching and great writing, keep it up Nicolette.
 
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