True Love's Regret

May 16, 2011
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As I wake up in the morning I begin to realize the signs all around me. Everything and anything that was near was radiating nothing but positive energy. My desk lamp, my slippers, my ceiling fan, even my bed was radiating ultra violet positive energy. I felt at home, I felt accepted, I felt LOVE. As the positive energy radiates I think of you and how at home you made me feel. I knew automatically that morning that I had to hear your voice, I had to feel your presence, I had to have you by my side, I, had to see you period, case closed, end of story.

I begin to reach for the phone to immediately phone you, but as I reach for it I receive a phone call and the first voice I hear when I say hello is yours. Oh the shivers that traveled down my spine automatically signaled my brain to not become too excited for I did not want to scare you away even though the back of my throat just wanted to whisper into your ear “I want you, I need you, I love you”, but I held it all back for I knew you didn’t feel the way I did. Even though all the signs as well as the positive energy always told me just tell her but did I listen with all my stubbornness? Of course not.

As we begin to engage to in a conversation I begin to wonder “what is she thinking about? What is she doing? Does she feel the same way I do?” I was going crazy. Not in the sense where as to I would need psychological help but in the sense of I was falling in love. I never knew something like this could ever be possible but it was and I feel as if I though it is something so great and so perfectly untouched that Is needed to be explored and I already had the perfect explorer in mind. I knew from there on out I was going to explore my feelings for this girl and I was going to make sure that what I am feeling is love since there is no real definition to the word LOVE itself.

Before you hang up on me I had to ask “Would you like to join me for dinner Friday night?” and ever so slightly and adorably you said “but of course, I would love to.” And at that moment I felt as the up most importance person, and I knew even though you probably didn’t love me yet I knew we definitely had a future together. And since this was not our first date and I knew that since we had been dating for about a year in a half there was a possibility that you did feel the same way I did.

So Friday night came and as I waited for her to arrive outside the restaurant I receive a phone call saying “hey love I’m pulling up now see you there.” So I begin to get nervous and I feel butterflies begin to stir up inside my stomach. The hairs on my arm began to stand and the goose bumps traveled throughout my body and right then and there I began to realize, yes I have found it, yes this is it, I have found love. I begin to look around for her and as I turn around I gaze at the distance and I see her. And wow the beauty radiating off her skin was felt throughout the air. The wind began to catch her long, loose brown hair. Her eyes outlined perfectly with midnight black that absolutely sent a most luring and almost daring look. Her lips looked as red as a rose and as delicious as a sweet, sweet apple just ready to sink your teeth into. Her body was absolutely perfect, the curves in the right places and as her mid length black dress flowed when she walked the red belt she wore around her waist just glowed in the darkness. But then again so did her skin. And as the bottom of the dress began to expose those beautiful long legs I began to notice not a bump or scratch in sight proving once again the perfection in this woman.

We exchanged our hellos and walked in the restaurant. I had already known that this was the woman who I wanted to say those three special words to and actually mean it. We sat down and I began to think how exactly I would say it and I remembered that a block down from the restaurant held lovers creek. That’s where couples go to have romantic picnics and dates. After an amazing dinner I told her to go for a walk with me and we began to walk I grew more and more nervous as we began to get closer to the park. As we reached the busy street I remember telling her that we should run across the street to see who would win in a race for she always swore to me she would always win. She agreed. And so we did we both started off at the same time but we did keep in mind that the streets were busy.

We began to run across this most busy wide street and all I could remember when I was running was the sound of the honking cars and how my shoes began to slip off my feet oh but I couldn’t let her win and so I kept running. I reach the other side first and I begin to grin for I knew I had won but as I look to my side she has yet to arrive. I turn around and that’s when I saw the most amazing girl to have ever lived laying on top of a car drenched in a sea of blood. She had been hit by a car. When I reached her I couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes just stared blankly into space. Her dearly parted lips. Her brown hair slowly changing colors. The most amazing girl in the world who had once been the love of my life was dead. And it was all because of me. I killed my sweetheart, and every day since then I have counted the days since her death, I have counted the days because I never got to tell her how I really felt, I have counted the days since the day I began to feel alone. I have yet to find peace, I have yet to find a place to feel at home, I have yet to find myself and up to this day I don’t think I could ever find what I once had. It has been 4,486 days since the death of my one true love, it has been 4,486 days since I lost who I once was. And who I once was is a person who had found love and happiness and because of a foolish mistake I have not found that person again. I regret every day that I did not tell her how I really felt for her, I regret every day since her death ever planning that most horrible night, I regret everything. And in 4,486 days I have never not once stopped loving her. And never in my life will I love a person the way I have loved this one most perfect girl for she was the definition of the word PERFECTION and one thing she will never be is forgotten. All I have left to say is “I Love You and I’m sorry it took me so long to say it”.

The End.

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