Pamirskite Lietuva

March 23, 2011
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Restlessness quickly took over as my home country approached. After spending a year in America I was finally returning to the simple life of Vilnius; my beautiful hometown. I fiddled with my hair, nervous at my return; I had changed a lot. I had quickly become adapted to the English language; then again I had been studying it beforehand. That’s wasn’t it though, I’ve become accustomed to American life and everything I experienced there; the entertainment, clothing, the actions, and the people. I looked out the window and sighed; recalling the people I had met was the worst of all; it made me homesick for the place that was never a home.
While I was there I had met a polish boy; I smiled slightly as I recalled Feliks Lukasiewicz. He was actually the highlight of my whole trip. While I went to America for the learning experience, he had gone for fame. We were there on the same program and we had hit it off immediately, the main difference between us was that I would be returning to my home country and he would not. Thinking about him being there made me want to go back, but it was too late for that.
The landing of the plane made me want to cry at the realization that I and he now had an ocean between us, but I tried to push that out of my head. Quickly grabbing belongings I left and exited into Vilniaus Oro Uostas; the airport. With only a few steps taken I felt my mother grab onto me.
“O Toris, kvieciame namuose!” She cried out a welcome in my native tongue.

“Labas mama.” I greeted her quietly, still lost in the thoughts of Feliks.

Her hold on me lightened and she looked me dead in the eyes, staring until she sighed. “Kas negerai?” I smiled slightly at her concern but I didn’t feel like explaining what was wrong. Instead I shook my head and hugged her once more before walking off, my mother following me out.

The airport was busy enough, but my time in the city made this mass of people seem small, it was simple enough, but once outside I was lost. The time away had erased any memory I had of here and I had no clue of how to get home. I passed the tall buildings that stretched across the thin streets; the crosses that were hung high on roofs along with our thickly striped flag. I nearly gagged at the overwhelming smell of musk and sandalwood. I recognized all of it, and yet, I didn’t.
Everything seemed more like a forgotten dream than my place of living. That wasn’t the only thing though; I was straining to read my own language. The signs looked more like alphabet soup than actual words and it was driving me insane. How could I go away for a year and nearly forget how to read my own language.

My mother smiled over at me before digging through her purse and pulling out a Karuna and Princas Sokoladas. A year ago that had been my favorite candy but the spot had been replaced by an American candy called a Reese’s. I looked ay my mother but didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth of my change. I took the candy, eating it while I craved the melding of chocolate and peanut butter. I barely listened as my mother rambled on of everything I had missed. As awful as I felt about it, I no longer cared about the daily happenings here. I didn’t care that my old boss at Pilies Kepyklele- a bakery – had given birth to twins, or that my brothers rugby team had beat out all the others.

“Mama,” I stopped her, not willing to hear anymore. “I’m tired, can I go home now?” She laughed lightly before pointing at her ears.
“Kladingas klada.” I blushed as she pointed out that I had used English in favor of our own language.
“Atsiprasome.” I spoke the apology quickly before restating my previous words in Lietuviskai . “As pavargau, as galiu eiti namo dabar?”
She smiled and nodded before telling me I needed my rest from being in such a bustling country. I nodded before walking off, reaching my destination quickly. I nearly collapsed after I reached my apartment in Senamiestis. The small room was somewhat comforting with its familiarity, but it felt empty.
The white walls looked plain against my faded red curtains. I sat up and smiled as I looked at my brown and chipped desk. Feliks would have hated this room. He liked pretty things and always wanted everything overdone. Over the course of our time together he had influenced me enough to where I now noticed how plain my room was. How boring my life is. Just thinking about him I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my phone, ready to call the place he was staying; luckily I stopped when I realized it would be five in the morning in California.
I fell on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. What would be the point of getting in touch with him anyway? Our acclaimed love might have been nothing more than a short and sweet romance to him. I was just raised up on believing love would last forever, although I could tell that people in America didn’t believe it. How could they when so many peoples had their hearts broken daily? I made friends there, saw them love, and saw them get broken. I wouldn’t be too surprised if he just forgot about me, besides, he wants pretty things, everything overdone. That’s not me. I’m a simple person from Vilnius, Lietuva. I bet he’s moving on, so I might as well too.
I wiped away the little bits of tears that escaped before letting a sad smile rest on my face. “Forget America.” I spoke quietly; I could only hope that I could do that, just forget.
~
Just like I wanted to, I forgot America; at least I pretended that I did. I pretended not to crave a Reese’s, pretended that the things I did here were fun, pretended like my English was nearly forgotten, that I was happy looking out and seeing Vilnius when I really wanted Los Angeles. Most of all I pretended to forget Feliks, even though I couldn’t. Another year had passed and I still couldn’t forget, so I took to faking a smile as I served people at Pilies Kepyklele.
“Aciu, Toris!” A table rang with gratitude as I placed their order of kuciuka in front of them. I nodded politely, wiping my powdered hands on my apron, turning around to begin on more bread. All of my days were spent here, morning to night. I didn’t mind, mostly because it gave me something to do with my time. I had also become acquainted with the people who came in. They were all regulars but we had the occasional passerby. When we did they always caused a big stir.
I knew everyone by name and they knew me by mine, but no one really knew the others personal business. Most of them figured that I was here because I wanted to become a baker. I guess I might. I scoffed thinking about how the boring job would suit me. The door swung and I sighed, calling out a greeting to whoever entered as I continued rolling out the dough.
I stood concentrated, kneading at the dough before something caught my attention. The bakery which had been bustling was now quiet; hushed whispers were the only sound. It was most likely someone who wasn’t a regular but a whisper caught my attention.
“Jis atrodo garsus.” I perked at that. So apparently the person was famous, or of the sorts. My curiosity finally got the better of me and I turned to see who if I knew the person. I inhaled sharply as I saw them; someone I definetely knew. Feliks stood in a corner of the bakery, eyes penetrating me.
I dusted my hands and walked forward, the eyes of all the customers following me. “Hi Toris.” He said with a smile.
I was simply shocked and couldn’t find the words to speak so instead, I raised a hand. We stood silent for a while before Feliks spoke again. “You never called, e-mailed me…anything.”
I nodded before looking up at him. “I didn’t think you’d want to continue our reationship. You wanted pretty and over and I…well.” I could hear the groans from those around me as they tried to decipher our conversation.
Feliks scoffed before taking a step closer. “You’re an idiot, do you know that?”
I laughed at how blunt he was. “Yeah, I know.”
He leaned forward before poking me. “Just so you know I’m famous now. I thought you’d like to know.”
I smiled at him again. “Yeah, I’m lad you old me.”
“He looked away and began to whistle before cutting it short. “Vilnius is nice, I can see why you came back.”
I scoffed at him, how is it possible that he liked it here when even I didn’t. “No, I miss L.A. more than you would believe.” I sighed.
“Then why didn’t you stay?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t feel like I could.”
He stepped forward before embracing me tightly. “I missed you.” He whispered in my ear. “Kocham cie, Toris.”
I nearly cried when I heard him say those fateful words, it was hard to believe he love me. “As tave myliu taip pat, Feliks.” I smiled. I no longer had to forget America, the Reese’s, and I no longer had to foret Feliks. Maybe no I could even go back to America; leave this place. Pamirškite Lietuva. Forget Lithuania.





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