Pinchy's Story: I'll Never Look At Another Lobster Again!

March 15, 2011
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Once upon a time, Sparkles, the cat-human-thing walked into a Sendik's. She waddled up to the lobster tank in the back of the store, in hopes that she could cheer the suicidally depressed lobsters.
She gazed into the tank. And that's when she saw him.

He was a bright, fiery crimson, with blazing green eyes. Sparkles gaped at him, unable to speak. At that moment she knew that she had found her soulmate, her true love.

"We'll be together forever," she whispered, smushing her face into the glass. He gazed back with his burning emerald eyes; they seemed to say, "I know. Nothing will separate us. Nothing."

Sparkles stared into the tank for another half hour.

Suddenly, the room temperature dropped 30 degrees. The lights flickered and dimmed. Dramatic music began to slowly play in the background.

Sparkles was oblivious, far too absorbed in her beloved lobster to notice. Then, the object of terror appeared. the dramatic music ever-so-slightly quickened. A worker with greasy blonde hair and red tattoos plastered all over his skin. His scum-soaked nametag read, "Steve". He discreetly slid behind the counter, and grinned evilly.

"So... which one's your favorite...?" he casually asked Sparkles. She tore her eyes away from the tank and, elated to speak of the object of her besotted-ness. "His name's Pinchy!" She cooed, pointing to the gorgeous lobster.

Steve very casually grabbed a pair of cold metal tongs. "Well..." he began, plunging the tongs into the tank and grabbing Pinchy, "...HE'S GONNA DIE!!!"

"PINCHY! NOOOOO!" Sparkles screamed. Passersby stopped to stare. Steve laughing maniacally, took Pinchy to a boiling pot. Just before Steve dropped him in, Pinchy's gaze connected to Sparkles's. "It's alright," he seemed to say, "We'll be together always."

The tongs let go of Pinchy. He fell into the water, and was boiled alive. Sparkles collapsed on the floor, sobbing her heart out. "Oh...Pinchy, Pinchy, my love! Why?! Why?! He was my one true love, my Destined One! Oh, Pinchy, oh, WHY?!"

The other customers began very cautiously backing away.

"Pinchy!" Sparkles cried, "Your death shall NOT go unavenged! Never! Never! Oh, Pinchy, my love.... We'll be together forever! No matter what it takes! Oh, PINCHY...!" She collapsed sobbing, waiting for the manager to kick her out.

END OF PART 1!!!!!!!!!!

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

scrabblebabble said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 6:20 pm
OMG! so dramatic.  to bad people will think this is all nothing :( poor pinchy. we seriously have to write a letter to the manager.
TeaCat replied...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 6:56 pm

OMG! I know right?!


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