Latisha and Lafawnduh want to fake bake

March 4, 2011
It was a dark and gloomy day. Latisha and Lafawnduh wanted to fake bake. They started walking down the street at 3 in the afternoon. Latisha remarked, “I am sooo pale! I haven’t fake baked in days!”
Lafawnduh remarked, “Oh don’t be stupid, you went yesterday!”
The two girls giggled and skipped down the street. As they passed the local barber shop Latisha said, “I totally like hate that place.”
Lafawnduh added, “Yeah, it like totally smells like…Hair. Like besides, that one time when he cut my hair, he like totally just didn’t even ask me what I wanted done.”
“OH EM GEE girl!” stated Latisha, “that is like totally rude!” They walked a little farther until they came to the cross walk. Latisha asked,”Why is it red and blinking?”
Lafawnduh remarked, “I think it means a murder happened. Like maybe someone totally rude killed two girls wanting to go fake baking!”
The girls screamed as they ran across the street nearly being hit by two cars. Lafawnduh said, “Wow. What rude drivers. Like seriously they should tell them when they need to stop. Because what if we like died. We would be pale and dead!”
As the two girls continued down the street Latisha gasped when she saw the perfect hat in the local clothing store display window. “OH EM GEE!!!! Look at how hot that hat is! It like totally matches my eyes!” The hat was in the shape of a giant squid. It was pale green, almost the color of vomit, with giant googly eyes.
Lafawnduh said,” WOW, it would totally look good if you wore it to prom! It would look even better though, IF YOU FAKE BAKED!!!!” The girls screamed and ran all the way to the tanning bed. As they approached the tanning bed they noticed that the lights were off.
Latisha said, “Um…Why are the lights off?”
“Probably because it’s like save trees by turning the lights off day,” responded Lafawnduh. They walked toward the door and started pulling on a push door. Lafawnduh remarked, “Oh my god. You are so stupid. That’s like a push door.” Lafawnduh pushed the door with all of her might, but had no luck.
Latisha laughed and said, “Told you it was a pull door stupid!”
Lafawnduh glared at Latisha and said, “No! It’s like closed!” All of the sudden they heard a slithering on the ground. They both shrieked when they noticed the most gruesome looking snake they had ever seen.
“Hello! I’m Sssammy the Ssnake!” spat the snake. “I noticed you wanted to sssparkle and tan at thisss fake baking sssalon.” The girls looked at each other in awe as the snake continued to talk. “I’m prepared to transform you into the ssexiest sssnakes alive…And you guys can fake bake!” Without hesitation the girls agreed and the snake began to slither around them performing the snake chant. “Slippery Slithery Sammy the Snake. Turn them now so they can fake bake!” said Sammy.
In moments the girls were snakes. They slid under the door and fake baked all day and night. The next morning they could hardly move. “Help!” Screamed Latisha. “I’m like totally stuck!”
Lafawnduh looked over and noticed blotches on Latisha’s skin. Lafawnduh said, “You like totally have like all over your body cancer.”
Latisha screamed and looked at Lafawnduh. Latisha said, “You do too!” The two girls didn’t know what to do.
Sammy the snake laughed and said, “Foolish girls! You now have skin cancer and won’t live past today! I now have all of your money, and I will be the one who buys your beautiful hat in the display window!”
The girls screamed and realized that maybe fake baking wasn’t the best thing to do. That maybe they should have loved their bodies for what it was, and that maybe they took their friendship for granted. The two girls died later that day, and no one even cared.

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

HelloKarissa said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

Not to sound totally rude or anything, but this was really... ridiculous. I've never even met girls like that before. And I don't even understand why it was in the Romance genre.

Besides, if they were that into tanning, then they would know the dangers of it, and most likely know how long to go in for. Anothing thing about this story is that its a total dig to people who go into tanning beds. I actually "fake bake".

SethWical replied...
Mar. 19, 2011 at 10:08 pm
yeh, well yer dumb, also it's in romance cuz der lezbos duh. So read before you comment on my masterpiece k.
LovelyMiss This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Doest this belong in the fantasy section? wuts it doing in romance? I didn't really get this story was it tying to say that there is some dumb people in this world? I'm sorry I was so confused. You said this story speaks to you can you tell me about this please so I can understand as well!
LovelyMiss This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 11, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Didn't mean to insult you it's just a snake was taking so it threw me off that theres a taking snake. And this is a very unique writing type Iv never read anything like this. I didn't know they were lesbos or in love I was reading more about 'sun tanning' right? Is That what fake bake means? I'm srry bout your friends and I didn't mean to sound like I was making fun of the story cause I really wasn't I was just trying to get a better understanding.
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