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Regret

I wish this was simple
Easy
Like it’s not even there
But it is
It is there
Everyone can see it
Everyone can sense it
So that is why…
Stop.

I used to love being around you.
Now I avoid your presence.
I used to run up to you in the hall when I saw you.
Now I run the other direction.
I used to point out yet another beautiful asset to you.
Now I can’t help but notice all of your flaws.
I used to show off and goof around with you.
Now I never volunteer to join when you're around.
I used to gush about you constantly to my friends.
Now I speak nothing of you, even when they ask.
I used to be your secret-keeper.
Now we both have our own secrets.
I used to be the one you’d let loose with.
Now we stand uptight in the lone hallway.

It’s almost sad how much one summer can change you.
Do you ever think about that, too?
The friendship we had…
Where did that go?
My stomach feels so hollow
A metaphor for
My heart
Our relationship
Please…just understand?

I take a small step forward
Heading your direction.
Am I being a coward?
I will regret this…
You smile hesitantly but
My face gives it away.
You furrow your brow,
Tilt your head.
I wish this was simple
But it is not.
It could be but
Our history is too fragile
Like a small porcelain doll
Stuffed away in a cabinet
Never touched or played with
Because everyone is too scared
To break it.
But when the curious
Decide to take a peek
It is
Dusty and broken
From the abruptness of hiding.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts and
Finally reach you.
I look deep into your eyes
Trying to find an answer
Nothing.

So that is why…

We are through.

I take a step back and look at you.
You are broken and hurt like that porcelain doll.
I whisper, “I’m sorry”
Then step back and wave goodbye.
Slowly turn and see the students flood from classrooms.
Look back at you.
Gone.
Nowhere to be seen.
I take a shaky breath and can’t help but let
A tear cascade down my cheek.
Alone…

Everyone can see it.
Everyone can sense it.
My friends run up to me.
“Are you okay?”
“What’s wrong?”
I smile feebly and run away
From them.
From the others.
But I run…
Back towards you.
Towards us…
Already in regret.





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

TwinDemons said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I can really understand, I love it!!!!!
 
HollerGirl26 replied...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Thank you SO SO much <333! I appreciate all feedback!! That was what I was really going for in this article...just wanted people to understand my emotions <3...THANKS AGAIN! You are the best :)
 
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