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You're Free

I am lying on my bed staring at the ceiling wondering why you called. Wondering why your voice calls to me so. You have not called in months, now you do, why? I want to call you back so bad, but my heart is screaming NO! My heart is pleading with me to forget you are alive and I don't blame it. Three years of complete torcher and I can understand why my heart is sick of you. I Want so bad to hear your voice, see your face, and feel the warmth of your lips on mine, but I know once you have satisfied your loneliness you will leave again, and my heart will be left to cope with the pain.

The phone rings, its you... I can't decide what to do. Should I answer the phone, but I know when you say my name like you do I'll give in, but you will keep calling until you finally bug me enough to answer, Why do you insist on hurting me? What have I done to you to make you hurt me so much.

You will tell me it's going to last forever this time, you will say it over and over and for a second I may believe it, but then you will leave and I will hate myself. This has happened countless times and every time I open up to you, you break me. I don't think my heart will forgive me if I break it again. The insufferable ringing of my phone stops. Eight rings, you must be lonely. How do you think I feel, it has been two months since you have even text-ed me. three since you've called and four since I have seen you. Yet you will never consider the thought of maybe me finding someone who actually loves me.

I can't sleep now. You have ruined another night of my sleep, isn't the first and I have a feeling it won't be the last. I climb out of bed and flop down on my couch flipping threw the endless channels on t.v. After twenty or so minutes of not finding anything interesting to watch I go to my storage closet and find that old scrapbook. I have no idea why I am doing this to myself. It will only make it harder not to answer the phone when you call again, but I can't help myself.

As I flip threw the book I remember the good memories I shared with you. It's funny how books like these tell a story of a happy couple when in reality it's a total different story. We were happy, for the first year. High School was easy to be with you, then something changed and it fell from there.

I put the book back in the closet fighting the tears trying to overcome me. I can't cry, crying with only be a sign of my complete weakness. Then you will call and I'll answer crying and that will be the end of my heart for good.

Right on cue the phone begins to ring and right on cue the tears overtake me. I sink to the floor and cry until the ringing of the phone stops. Do you want to ruin me completely. I can't do this again I won't. I don't want to be in your unforgiving arms again, I don't want to look into your sadistic eyes and hear your awful lies that bite at my soul. I don't want to wake up and not see you lying next to me. I don't want to hold your cold ruff hand as you pull me where you want to go. I don't want to have you tear my heart apart again for your own pleasure. Please if you have any feelings at all or care about me in any way you will stop calling and leave me alone, let me live my life for myself for once.

The phone begins to ring again. I know I am facing the envitible, I know the only thing I can do is answer to stop the calls. I have to be strong. I have to tell him no. I have nver been able to say no, but this time I know I can.

"Please stop calling me I don't want to see you ever again, I hate you", I scream into the phone.
The phone is silent. I think I finally made you realize I am serious. "HELLO?", I say sounding absolutly angry.
"Sam?", I hear an unusual voice say.
"um.. Yes thats me..", I say confused.
" I'm very sorry for calling so late, Your number was written on a piece of paper in Jacob Barron's wallet, are you in any relations to him, or perhaps you knew him?", the woman said.
" Yes, Um.. we um.. sort of dated for four years and well.. recently broke up. I'm sorry for yelling I thought that is who was calling me.", I said embarrassed.
" oh well I am very sorry, but Jacob was in a car accident a few hours ago and like I said your number was in his bill fold so I am required to call", the woman said. " Oh my gosh.. is he okay?", I said holding my breath.
" I'm very sorry, jacob was hit head on and he... passed away about an hour ago."
I drop the reciever. You died. I was sitting here for hours curing your name and you died. " hello?", i hear the woman say from the phone lying on the floor. I pick up the phone and take a breath " I can't believe he is dead...", I say. " well I know this probably means nothing to you seeing that you and he broke up, however he did ask for you, shortly before he passed.", said the woman on the phone. " He asked.. for me?", I said. " well he said Sam and I didn't know what to say so I just watched him point to his wallet then after I pulled your number out of his wallet he said please forgive me.", the woman said. I put the phone on hook and began crying. I was crying, because Jacob died and I was crying, because I knew this was gods way of saying " you're free".



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