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My head hurting me, I felt a little dizzy. I almost decided to not go to school but in the end I did, I couldn’t afford to miss school. I was walking today since Andy left early. I was walking good thing the school wasn’t far away. I was wearing a black skirt and shirt. As I was walking I heard someone running behind me, but I decided to ignore who ever it was. “Casey! Wait up.” Now I did wait that voice belonged to none other than Jamie. I turned around he was breathless. He too was wearing all black, his black shirt was not tucked in his black pants and he had a coat. D*mn I had forgotten mine and it was pretty cold, we matched I realized as he caught up to me. I looked at his hands I was distracted with what he was wearing that I didn’t notice the flower in his left hand, on his other hand he was holding his backpack. “D*mn Casey you walk fast.” “Good morning to you to Jamie, and I’m not the one so out of shape.” I chuckled as he blushed. “Oh right, Casey this is for you.” He handed me the rose he had been holding in his hand. I received it blushing by doing so. “Thank you.” I smiled without thinking. Why had he given me a flower? “It’s just a little something to show you how much I care about you.” He said as if he had read my mind. “It’s beautiful thank you. Really.” I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Making him blush. “Your welcome.” I blushed as I barely realized I had kissed him. As we were walking he reached out for my hand and I didn’t pull away. To my surprise I liked holding his hand. We walked all the way to school in silence. We had nothing more to say, for now anyway.
As soon as we reached the school I took a deep breath and while holding Jamie’s hand we walked inside. The first thing I saw hurt me. Andy and Tania were handing out flyers while holding hands. Andy spotted us and headed our way. He was smiling but his smile disappeared when he saw Jamie’s hand entwined with mine and the flower I was holding with my other hand. “Here James I hope you can make it.” Tania handed him a flyer. Andy shook his head at me. Why was he shaking his head at me? I glanced at Jamie and saw as he drained out of color. What was on that paper that made Jamie look so disgusted? “Jamie, what’s wrong?” he shook his head. I tried to grab the paper out of his hand but he pulled it away. I looked straight into his eyes. “James. Let. Me. See. That. Paper.” He looked at me once and nodded. He knew that I wasn’t joking anymore. He handed me the paper and as soon as I saw it I regretted it. My eyes got all watery, on the paper in huge yellow letter it said, “Andy and Tania’s engagement party!” my head was spinning. The party was in a week, next Saturday. How did this happen? I looked at it again hoping that it was all a huge lie, but I only felt worse because in small letters it read: Wedding day October 23rd, 2008. I felt like I was choking. They were going to get married on my birthday! On my eighteenth birthday! I wanted to scream out loud, but I didn’t. Andy wasn’t worth it. I had to believe that. But out of everything! Why was he doing this to me?! I felt all cold; every inch of my body was shaking. The last thing I saw was Andy’s back to me.
I opened my eyes and looked at the light above me. Where was I? I looked all over when I spotted Jamie next to me holding onto my rose. “Jamie.” He looked up really fast. “Casey. Are you feeling okay?” he sounded really worried. “Yeah I feel fine. What happened? Why am I in the nurses’ office?” “You fainted. Ms. Stanley said it was because you had an empty stomach. Casey when was the last time you ate?” “Now that I think about it, the last time I ate was the day my mom died.” Saying the words hurt a lot but I knew I couldn’t run away from the truth. “I just didn’t have an appetite.” He looked really concerned. “Casey you have to eat even if you’re not hungry. We’re going to go eat something right now.” He grabbed my hand and helped me get up. It took us a while to convince Ms. Staley that I was going to be okay. But in the end she let us go. When we entered the cafeteria I smelled all the great food. Jamie grabbed our food and paid for it as I waited standing by the wall. I looked all around so many people where there enjoying their high school life, while I was suffering. I wanted to go back to the nurses’ office and stay there until it was safe to go back home. But Jamie wouldn’t let me. He grabbed my hand as soon as he reached me and we sat at a table far away from everyone, especially Andy and Tania. We were eating in silence when everyone got supper quiet. I looked up and found none other than Andy and Tania standing right across from us.
“Hi guys.” Andy said while he was grinning. I didn’t saying anything knowing my voice would betray me. Tania was smirking, how I hated her. “Hey Andy...Tania.” Jamie said, he grabbed my hand under the table and squeezed it. I looked into his eyes and nodded. I had to stay calm. “Can we sit with you two?” I took a deep breath. “Yeah go ahead.” Andy, Tania, and Jamie all stared at me, they were shocked no doubt. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I was not going to allow them to hurt me any further. I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of making me feel all this pain. “Thanks.” Andy sat right across from me and his eyes were trying to tell me something but I didn’t care anymore. I continued to eat even though I didn’t want to. I had to regain my strength. “Are you going James?” Tania was looking at him while holding onto Andy. “Where?” “To our engagement party of course. We are so happy!” I gulped down my food and tried not to cry, but it was getting hard. “I don’t know yet. So you guys are really getting married?” I didn’t want to know the answer to that. “Yes we are.” Andy answered while looking straight into my eyes. I wanted to run, run away from here. Jamie seemed to read my mind once again. “Well we’ll see you guys later.” He dumped our trays in the garbage can and came back to get me. I grabbed my rose and got up. I felt light headed still so I grabbed hold of the table. Jamie seeing me struggle grabbed me around the waist. It looked like Andy was going to help me but stopped himself. I looked at Tania and Andy and just looked away right away. “Bye you guys.” Jamie said as we started walking away. We were walking away when... “Running away Casey?” I turned around and glared at Tania who was smirking. Andy was still sitting down looking horror struck as he looked at Tania. I glared as I said my next words. “Running away from what?” I asked willing not to let her get her way. “Oh, I think you know of what. You can’t stand that Andy and I are together. You just can’t stand the fact that Andy’s mine and will never be yours!” She started laughing so hard while I was on the verge of tears. I looked at Jamie and he gave the strength I needed in order not to cry. “I don’t care that you guys are together. I couldn’t care less that he’ll never be mine. I don’t care because I don’t like him.” I was lying but it was the only way to get her of off my back. She stopped laughing and glared at me. I was calm I needed to stay calm. “Let me get this straight you don’t like my fiancée? Don’t make me laugh! We all know you love him with your whole heart. Who are you trying to fool?” I looked around; everyone here hated me and wanted to laugh at our little chat in the middle of the cafeteria. I wanted to run, but if I did that would mean I was admitting that I liked Andy and that their engagement hurt me, I wasn’t going to allow that. “No I don’t like him, he’s just a friend.” I looked at Andy and for some reason he looked sad. “Tania why can’t you leave Casey alone?” I stared at Jamie who was still holding onto me. Tania looked at him with hate in her eyes. “I can’t leave her alone after what she did to me. She has to suffer.” I looked at her, she did hate me since I could remember but I guess after beating her up that hate had to be shown. “Well just so you know you can’t hurt her with the Andy issue. Do you want to know why?” he had a glint in his eyes that had me shaking. Andy looked at me and Jamie. “Yeah I think we’re all interested. Why isn’t Casey affected by the news Jamie?” I looked at him and he looked at me smiling by doing so. I saw him wink but I doubt anybody else did. “She isn’t affected because she has me.” I looked at him, what was he inferring? “What do you mean she has you?” he looked at me, he could clearly see the confusion in my eyes. “Casey, I think it’s time everyone knows the truth.” I looked at him. What truth was he talking about? “Casey and I are dating.” I wanted to puke. Why was he lying to everyone? I wanted to tell everyone it wasn’t true but the look on Tania’s face stopped me. I would tell them the truth another time, but for now I wanted her to believe I wasn’t affected by her engagement to Andy. Thinking about Andy he was looking at me with this sadness in his eyes that it almost made me tell him the truth, but I stopped myself. Why was he even sad? It’s not like I meant anything to him. He was getting married soon anyway and I needed to move on as soon as possible. But than again I couldn’t order my heart to stop loving Andy. “Is that so?” Tania sneered. I gulped and answered before Jamie answered. “Yup it’s true. Jamie and I decided it was best not to tell anyone until the time was right. But you rushed us into telling everyone.” Everyone was looking at our little conversation and I was happy that they all believed it was true. “Now if you excuse us.” Jamie grabbed my hand and together we walked away.
Jamie and I walked outside holding hands and leaving everyone wondering if we were really dating. I stopped him when we were all alone under a tree. “Jamie why did you do that?” he smiled. “Because Casey I wasn’t going to let them hurt you like that. I rather lie than see you suffer again.” He grabbed me around the waist and hugged me hard. At first I was shocked but soon enough I gave in and hugged him back. Many girls wanted to be dating Jamie. He was hot, nice, and very smart. But here he was pretending to date me instead. He was a very sweet boy and at times like this I wish I loved him rather than Andy. Andy just brought a lot of problems with him unlike Jamie. “Jamie your really sweet, but you know sooner or later they’re going to find out the truth. This lie isn’t going to last forever.” He smiled and squeezed me harder. “I know but for now it’s enough, until after the party at least. I don’t want you suffering all alone.” I gave him a squeeze and laughed. “You’re the best.” He chuckled. “I know.” We both were laughing and I kissed his cheek when we spotted Jenny a classmate looking at us and I wanted to let go of Jamie but he didn’t let me. “So you guys are really dating?” she asked in weird tone. I didn’t quite understand why she sounded like that. “Yes we are, now you can go and tell everyone like everyone else does.” She looked a little sad but nodded and headed toward the cafeteria. Oh gosh I thought for a second and realized Jenny liked Jamie. “You realize she likes you right?” he took a deep breath and sighed. “Yeah I know.” “Then why are you pretending to date me?” he looked at me and smiled my favorite smile, his dazzling smile. “Because I want to, like I told you already I don’t want you to suffer. Plus I don’t like Jenny and I already told her that.” He sighed again. “You know you’re my best friend. I thank god when he put you in my life.” He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Thanks you’re my best friend as well.” That’s when the bell rang.
We were holding hands when we walked into class, everyone was staring at us but I didn’t care. We walked all the way to our seats and noticed Andy was already sitting there. In biology class we were paired as a team, I was glad back than that we were partners. But now it was just really awkward. Jamie and I were talking when the teacher arrived. “Now I’m going to pair you up with a student and together you are to answer these questions.” She had Frank hand out the papers while she started pairing us up. “Tania with Steven, Frank and Lisa, Jenny with Jamie...and Casey with Andy.” I had been hoping that this wouldn’t happen but it didn’t go my way. I looked at Jamie and he gave me a smile that was supposed to give me strength and it did. He grabbed his stuff, kissed me on the cheek and headed off to work with Jenny. I sighed and turned to face my partner. “Which worksheet do you want me to do?” he handed me a piece of paper but it wasn’t the question I was expecting. On the paper in Andy’s handwriting it said Casey since when have you been dating Jamie? I looked at him and he turned away. What was up with him? I mean why did he want to know? I grabbed my pencil and answered it. You didn’t tell us about you and Tania. Why should we have told you anything? He read it and had a weird look. He passed me the paper back. Mine was different, it just happened okay. It wasn’t supposed to happen.
Well then we were both in a pickle, but I’m not going to say mine ‘just happened’ and that it wasn’t supposed to happen. It did and that’s all that matters. But why are you saying that yours wasn’t supposed to happen?
Because it wasn’t supposed to happen...never mind. Do what ever you want. Go out with Jamie! It’s not like I care.
It hurt to read that last part, but it proved me right. He didn’t care about me at all. I wanted to cry so I was grateful Andy wasn’t looking at me. But like always things didn’t go my way. He noticed, I just hoped he didn’t say anything. But once again the hope was in vain. “Are you crying?” I wasn’t, was I? I touched my cheek and true enough I was crying. My tears were all traitors. “I’m not crying.” Too late everyone was staring at us. Jamie made his way to me right away. “Casey, love are you all right?” he grabbed me and looked me over. “I’m fine Jamie I was just remembering something.” He looked down at my hand and grabbed the note. He read it over and looked at me. “Casey are you crying because of what it says here?” I nodded knowing Andy now knew why I was crying. I didn’t turn to see his reaction. He ripped the paper and like the paper my heart was shattered into a million little pieces. Jamie hugged me again and then let me go. Ms. Stella looked up from her desk. “All right guys get back to work. Those worksheets are due at the end of the hour.” I looked at Jamie. “It’s okay Jamie, go back and work with your partner.” He nodded, kissed my cheek and walked back to work with Jenny. I looked at Andy who was staring at our worksheet now. I got a worksheet and started working on it. Through out the whole hour I felt weird, knowing that Andy knew that what he told me hurt me. I didn’t want to know what he thought about that. But I also kind of did. Before I knew it we were almost done and we hadn’t talked about our answers at all. I was going to grab the last worksheet when Andy’s hand stopped mine. I looked at him, “Can you let go of my hand?” he was making this harder for me. I wanted so badly to tell him how I really felt. But I knew better, I had to control myself. I tried to pull free of his grasp but he just held it harder. “Why won’t you let me go?” I thought of what else my words could mean. He looked me right in eyes and whispered, “Because, I don’t want to. Plus I’m mad that you’re with Jamie.” What the hell? Why was he mad? He didn’t care about me at all. What was up with that, with his attitude? I whispered back, not wanting anyone listening to our conversation. “Why are you so mad?” he looked at me, as if telling me was the right thing to do. “Because I love you!” He let go of my hand right away and covered his mouth. Did he just say he loved me? Did I hear right?! Did Andy just say that he loved?! Was he inferring that he was jealous of Jamie?! “Your lying aren’t you?” That was the only explanation I could come up with. Why else would he tell me he loved me? Andy looked at me like I was crazy. “I’m not lying.” No it couldn’t be true! He had to be lying! Or else he wouldn’t be marring Tania on my birthday. I shook my head. He had just said he loved me! Why couldn’t I just accept that?! Why couldn’t I just be happy?! “Casey, I’m so sorry for never telling you. But please don’t tell anyone what I just told you. I’m sorry.” I knew it was too good to be true. I was glad I didn’t fully believe the lie. “Why?” I wanted to know why he was lying to me, but I think he thought I had just asked him why I couldn’t tell anyone. “Tania.” I didn’t want to think that it was all true that he had just told me he loved, and that the reason I couldn’t say anything was because of Tania. It had to be a lie I didn’t want to be Tania’s replacement. No I was worth more, much more. “Just don’t say anything pretend it didn’t happen. The only thing I ask is that you don’t forget that I love you.” I blocked everything he said from my heart. I didn’t want to hurt. Not anymore. And of course that’s when the stupid bell rang. Andy grabbed all our papers and handed them in. I gathered my stuff while Jamie waited for me. As I was to the side of my ‘boyfriend’, I looked at Andy who was walking next to his fiancée. His eyes were on me and I turned away wanting to forget everything that he had told me. Jamie was finishing packing up when Jenny looked at me, hate in her eyes. I was used to people hating me but Jenny’s hate was new. She was one of the few people who didn’t like me or hate me. I shook my head and grabbed Jamie’s hand when he offered it. We were headed to homeroom where we had Tania and Andy with us. Mr. Anderson was a really cool homeroom teacher. We talked the whole time and he didn’t mind just as long as we listened to him the first five minutes of class for announcements. Homeroom was the class in which we had time to do our homework but we rarely did it in class. At least I tried to do my homework in that class but not always.
We walked all the way to our seats when I decided to make matters worse for
Jamie and for me. I stopped him in front of the doors right before the bell rang again and said the words that would commit us even more in this lie. “Jamie I think that my mom would be really happy for us.” He looked at me confusion in his eyes. “I mean she always thought of you as his son and soon you might be.” He smiled realizing where this conversation was going. We were walking to our seats when he looked at Andy. “That’s right. Andy you might not be the only one getting married soon.” Andy looked at me with really hurtful eyes, he had just told me he loved and now he finds out I might get married like he was. I smiled, even though I felt horrible in the inside. I was lying through my teeth too much. I knew someday this would come back to me and hunt me down. This lie was going to explode sonner or later.