She looks up into his eyes, tears sliding down her cheeks. He lets her cold hand drop from his. She knows what words will soon leave his mouth. He says her name quietly. The butterflies don't flutter in her stomach. Her heart doesn't jump, and her pulse doesn't quicken. She can't fall into his arms. Nor will he press his soft, moist lips against her own. Never again will she feel the rush of him. Never again will she hear him say I love you. Never again will she feel his hand take hers, his fingers in her hair, him stroking her cheek, lips, stomach, or back. Never again will she jump into the back of hist truck to drive into the night. Never again will she lay with him under the stars. Never again will she hear him singing sweetly, softly to her. Never. He's gone. Again. She can barely breathe. No air will go to her lungs. It keeps getting caught in the block that is in her throat. Her chest feels so heavy. Like bricks dropped upon it. Her lungs won't expand. It's pathetic. She knows. And she hates his control over her. But she needs him here. Her pleas for him to stay were pointless. Her screams of I hate you simply deepened his regret for staying this long. With promises broken and her heart shattered into little, fragile, glass shards nothing can ever be the same. She pulls her head up and turns away from him. She may not understand or want this, but she can't fight it. That would only prove him right, and she refuses to give him that much. She walks away from everything they had, they were, and she wanted. A heart-shaped charm fell from her now unclenched fist. He watched it as if in slow-motion. Watched it turn in the air and clatter back and forth on the ground until it became still. The dropping of the simple gift voiced what her mouth did not. He looked up and watched her walk away. No words. No tears. Only staring blankly. The tears were now pouring silently and swiftly from her eyes. The sky was dark. No moon. No stars to light her way. Not a soul was on the deserted street. Only grass, trees, and some old, decrepit buildings. Once out of his sight she started to sob. She sank to the ground with her back against a cold brick wall. How could he do this? What went wrong? What did I do wrong? How could I have not been enough? Why? These questions ran through her mind. He wasn't supposed to leave. Forever and always he had promised. It was lie. All of it was a lie. Memories flooded past the gates of her mind. She relived each moment. His tenderness, his love. Then, the fights. His anger. Yelling. Her cries. Her pleas. It just wasn't meant to be, but she had made him her whole world. He was her one and only, her life, her soul, her breathe, her wings, her home, her sustenance. What would she do with that gone? She stayed there for hours. Broken. Fallen. Torn. Shattered. To. Pieces. Finally she looked up. The tears dried. She realized one thing went right. This time she was the one to end it. She reclaimed her heart before he could throw it back at her. He hadn't been able to get the words out fast enough. Silly, scared, petty boy. She knew this one thing was right. Then she smiled at the now rising sun. The sky had turned pink, purple, and orange. It was full of hope...no not hope. Something else. It was a beginning. A second chance. Endless possibilities. And the best part was she could start over again and again any time that the sun rose.
Sun Risen Possibilities
September 1, 2010