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Shredded pieces of Love

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Dear Diary,

Things have changed; I could feel it in my bones. I woke up this morning and felt completely different. The thinair in my very room, is suffocating me. I can not pin point at what exactly is different, I just feel that something bad is going to happen.

Oh well…that’s that. One thing that didn’t change is my school timings. It’s already 7:45. I need to get to school. I’ll write soon.

Yours truly,
Maya.


The cold wind blew past me, as I tried to get closer to him. As close as two walking people can get. No matter how cold it is heat always seems to be radiating from him. Maybe these are one of the things I still don’t understand about him, but still tend to love nevertheless. I thought of us as we glided through the long school parking lot towards my car. Jake and I started dating three months ago. Things were magical, I didn’t plan anything. It just kept happening for us.

We were the most popular couple of our high school. I loved every minute of being with him. You must be wondering why I am using past tense. That’s because, for the past few weeks, all of the magic has disappeared just like it once appeared. All the chemistry we had had faded. Things are definitely different.

We didn’t have any fight or argument, if that’s what you are thinking. It just happened. He got busy with his football scholarship program and I, with my friends. And then the separation kind off grew more and more each day. I even started noticing the change in Jake’s attitude. His sea blue eyes, no longer twinkled when he looked at me. The warm, nice, butterfly-in-my-stomach-feeling long gone.

While I was thinking this, we finally reached my car. I looked over at him, smiled. And then took out my car keys from the back pocket of my skinny jeans. The minute I inserted the car keys into the door I felt his warm hand coming towards me. He held my hand. I stopped, and turned towards him. It was like electricity passing through from that tender touch.

As soon as I turned and looked at him, he pulled his hand away from me and put it back in his jacket. I stood staring at him, waiting for him to talk, eye brows furrowed in confusion.

“I…uh…Maya, I think …I think its time for us to go our different ways.” He stammered. Small white cloud of frost becomes visible when he talked.

This was the time when I actually looked at him. His brown velvet hair, cut short just above his eyebrows. I remember him, brushing him out of his eyes, once long time back when they needed cutting. Now they just rest on his forehead, no longer disturbing him. His sea blue eyes that I used to get lost in. I remember telling him that his eyes are so deep, I might as well drown. His minty fresh breath and his ultra soft hands. This standing right in front of me was the guy who loves me…loved.

My throat swelled and a lump of the size of a rock settled in there, refusing to move. It hurt.

“You want to … break up with me? I chocked out.

“Yes”
“oh..” was all I was able to say out loud.

I didn’t feel like myself. It was like someone else has taken over my entire body while my brain was processing what has happened. I turned around, opened up my car without any interruptions this time, and drove away without looking back.


Dear Diary,

He broke up with me. Maybe I as well ought to have seen it coming but I didn’t. I would be lying if I would write to you and say that I didn’t cry. I did. I did cry when I got home. But after fifteen minutes of crying, the tears stopped flowing. It was like all of the tears have suddenly dried up. The dam of my tears was empty.

I don’t hate him, not just yet. He was the first boyfriend I ever had. All the things that we both went through are now like scars on my fragile heart. I won’t be melodramatic and say that my heart is broken, that he broke it. No, but he did leave a unhealed scar on it which might ach for quite some time until it finally heals on its own.

I knew something was going to happen today, but I never thought that this would be it. I could still close my eyes and hear his voice.

I didn’t know, like everything in life, our love also had an expiration date.

Yours truly,
Maya.



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