It’s 11:11 and all I wish for is that you’ll call. Everywhere I look, I can see you. I close my eyes and you’re still there. Last summer when I was here in this same exact spot, you were calling or texting every minute of the day. But, now I don’t know where you are. I have no one, or at least that’s how it feels. I drove by the movie theater the other day and it struck a nasty chord, you know those chords that just don’t sound right. It was the theater that I went to the day your daughter died. I was so afraid to turn my phone off because I knew you needed me and even though I wasn’t there the whole time, I was always thinking about you. That day, our relationship changed. We became so much closer that day and now, I don’t even know if it will ever be the same. I miss you. I wish I could hug you and never let go. If there was any possible way to talk to you, I’d be the first one to call. I feel lost without you, without someone to tell me when I’m doing something wrong or letting the wrong people in. I did that and it wasn’t until now that I realized that I never listened to you and for that I am sorry. You showed me what love really is and without you here by my side, I don’t think I will ever know again with it’s like to love and be loved without questioning anything. I always said that love was a feeling when you look at that one person and you just know that they can make you happy and there are no questions asked. That’s how it was with you. I would wake up in the morning thinking about you and knowing that life would be worth living because you were somewhere on the Earth thinking the same thing. I love you, and I always will., but I’m scared. You disappeared and I’m lost. I need your guidance, I need you to tell me what I’m doing wrong, why nothing I do ever feels right anymore. I don’t know who to trust or who to tell. With you, it was as easy as breathing, in and out. With anyone else, it’s constant jumping up to gasp for air. With you, it was simple. The way love should be.
Making a Wish
July 3, 2010