Endless Road

July 12, 2010
By Ashleigh TB BRONZE, New York, New York
Ashleigh TB BRONZE, New York, New York
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Everywhere I turned was pitch black. Darkness ceased every room I turned too. The wind was mad as tears came down from the sky. Candle-light was my only friend at the time. I had despised being in the dark. Darkness was another word for kidnap to me. Anything could happen in the dark, break-ins or kidnappings. When day was out of sight and there still was no telling when the lights would come back on, frightened me. I was afraid of the dark. My power was out for almost seven hours and it was still out. I was such a lucky person. I learned I should get over my fears of the dark. To calm my fears I decided to go to sleep.
I couldn’t remember my dream. I was all a blur. Maybe, it was because my mom was shaking me up.
“The power is back on”, she said, “You can go to your room now”.
I lifted my wobbly legs out of her bed and walked to my room. I was still tired. As I was going to my room I stopped in the living room. I saw my dad’s computer. I was so anxious to go on. I haven’t been all day and my dad wasn’t home. I quickly grabbed it and brought it to my room. Then I realized, if I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to go on the computer. I must be addicted. I went to my room and turned on the computer AIM popped up. I decided to sign on to AIM even though I was just going to go on Facebook. As I signed on I look at the time 9:36 it read. Right at that moment I heard a beeping sound. My finger glided along the mouse as I closed down Facebook. I had gotten a message. Then I went back to AIM. It was Joe. My heart stopped beating and I was grinning like one big fool. Oh, I was thrilled. I sat back on my bed and rubbed my eyes. Joe, he wanted to talk to me. Joe was amazing. He was just perfect in every way. I liked him so much. Anytime he talked to me, I couldn’t look in his eyes because I’d be nervous and Janine was never a nervous girl before. And when I was nervous, I would laugh. When I laugh, there would be no end. I read his message he said, “Hey”. I smiled so much I was so excited. I waited for three minutes to pass. I replied, “Hey, whats up?” right back to him. After three minutes it was okay to reply.
Our conversation was simple, but wonderful. We we’re talking about our summers. It was nice. Joe had asked to play truth or dare. I didn’t understand how to play online but I went along with it. Then that’s when everything was about to change. We had dared each other stupid things. Half the time I actually laughed out loud. I felt like I was in heaven. This was all I ever wanted. Then Joe asked the question. I felt my fingers sweat as I was nervous already. It took him too long to type. I prayed for it to be that question. He asked me out. I jumped up and down on my bed. As I realized I could wake up my mom I sat right back down. I said yes. Even at the top of my excitement I realized something…Rebecca? I was about to burst into tears when I realized he was still dating Rebecca.
“Then why me?”I said to myself, “Why would he ask me? He probably just wants to hurt me”.
I looked at the time 3:09 it read. I thought I had enough of Joe. I signed off AIM and went to bed.

My dad decided fresh air at the lake would be fun. The lake was as it always was…crowded, messy, and out of control. I for one didn’t know why I offered to come. But I did offer and it wasn’t so bad after all. I needed time to stop thinking about him and the conversation. I traced the sand up every end and every corner. The sand felt cool and wet as it climbed into my sandals. I sat down on a rock looking at the other kids playing. Screaming and laughter echoed through my ears. Then, that’s when I saw him. I looked up again and looked at a guy, bleach blonde hair with an olive complexion. Joe, I thought. His named raced through my head. What would I say? What would happen? Then the guy turned my way. He had a smile that could stop world disasters. The only problem was he wasn’t Joe and I cared if it was Joe. I could finally say I thought I was in love.
“Great”, I stammered and walked back to my dad.
My dad was watching Ryan as he climbed up the slide on his own.

“This is a good summer”, my dad smiled.

“Yeah it is”, I replied.
Oh, what a lie.
After a few hours we got back to our house. My dad and my brother Ryan went to take a nap. I went to go help my other brother Adam clean his room.
“One more day until school”, I sang to my brother as we cleaned his room.
“Janine I can clean my room by myself you don’t have to help me”, Reginald moaned.
“Adam shut up. I want to go on the computer and dad said I can only go if I help you clean your room”, I yelled.
My feet stomped out of the room. Oh, how I was angry. Smoke soon enough would have emerged out of my ears. I wanted the computer. I wondered if Joe was thinking about me, when I was thinking about him. Maybe.
Summer days came to an end, excitement unraveled through my veins. I was ready to see him again. I knew I wasn’t beautiful but I wanted to be. I wanted him to think I was. I was trying my hardest. For the last week of the balmy days, I became the new and improved Janine. To me, nothing changed maybe he’d see otherwise.

It was the first day of school. I was happy as can be. I stepped on the rocky pavement as I entered the school. Kids were hugging and screaming all around. Everyone was excited for the new start. I was excited to see Joe. After that AIM conversation I wanted to know what was going to happen.
“Gahhh, J we’re going to science”, Stephanie laughed.
“Yeah, you’re my partner for everything”, I smiled.

We were downstairs near the science wing when. Then I saw him. Blonde hair, blue eyes and Rebecca. Rebecca was still with him. Suddenly his arm rose and waved at me. Responding I did the same back.

“God, why did I do that. I should have just stared”, I whispered.

“Its his loss Janine”, Stephanie responded.
My head dropped down as I tried hard to fight back tears. My feet picked up movement as we darted to our first class. I wanted to cry. I wanted to let it all out finally I realized the truth. Joe never liked me. Of course he didn’t. Why would he like me?

I’d gazed upon Joe in the hallways. Then I’d regret. I would regret everything. I regret that fact that if I did say yes, then Joe would have liked me. Nevertheless love me and he claims with Rebecca. That’s when I’d be soaked by the continuous tears leaking down my face and the pounding of my heart. If I did say yes, I would have been used. If I was used I’d never be myself again. The ironic part of all this is I’m not myself anymore. I changed. I changed so much to myself. Maybe nobody else could see but I could. Even though the school year started and Joe’s probably over what happened, I’m not. I determined that if I wanted to forget about what happened, Joe must be forgotten. Joe is among the many guys that will use, hurt or not care about me. But there will be some guys that actually care about me. Besides until then, I’m happy the way I am.
It was May, Spring was here. To start off Spring, it started to rain hard. The thunder roared as I flipped through the channels. I opened the front door and stared at the rain. The swings on the play set rocked back and forth in the same motions. I ran outside enjoying the nice feeling of the newly wet grass on my toes. My hair dripped wet along my shoulders, as my clothes hung loose on me. I looked onto the front gate by the yard. Slowly I traced my steps to the road as I have done a thousand times before. But this time, I walked to the road with a smile. For I now know middleschool life in a bad way, all I want is the good way. Now I began my life on the endless road.

The author's comments:
Sometimes, you can feel like you're in love with a person. Because of that you will do crazy things for them to love you. Don't do it until you're ready. Be yourself, guys/girls should love you for who you are. I've learned that.

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