Sweet Revenge

May 15, 2010
By nicolette_rae BRONZE, Long Beach, California
nicolette_rae BRONZE, Long Beach, California
3 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
The artist is the creator of beautiful things. -Oscar Wilde


He burned with anger as he saw them together. Jealousy and rage overpowered him like tidal waves on the beach. He's given her everything she's ever wanted. He treated her like royalty becaused he loved her more than he loved himself. After everything he's done for her, this is how she repays him? This is how she shows how much she cares? Whatever she was thinking, he knew that he would not stand for this. As a promise to himself, he will make her pay for the pain she has given him.

Edgar thought he met the woman of his dreams. Lydia was everything he ever wanted in a wife. She was caring, thoughtful, compassionate; she was his personal angel. After their first date, he knew that he couldn't live without her. Eight months later, Edgar proposed and Lydia said yes.

However, as the weeks passed by and their wedding day got closer, he noticed changes in his beloved wife. She came home later than usual, claiming that she had extra work at the office. She would leave somewhat excited, but then come home saddened, as if she was receiving a toy, but then losing it moments later. One night, Edgar decided to surprise her at work. He arrived with champagne and chocolate cake.

"Excuse me, miss. I'm Edgar Turpin. I'm looking for Lydia Banks; she said she was working late today, so I came to bring her some snacks."

"Lydia Banks, sir?" The secretary asked. "I'm sorry, but she clocked out two hours ago."

"Are you sure? Huh, well it's okay. She's been working late for the past weeks anyways, so it's good she got to leave early."

The secretary looked bemused. "Sir, Lydia Banks always leaves at 6 o' clock. Since her position is a team effort, they've all gotten their work done early. She's never worked late since she's started working here." He knew her answer before he even asked.

"Thank you, Sheryl." He quietly left the building and entered his car.

The next day, after she left for work, Edgar packed his backpack, and followed her. The secretary was right, for she did get into her car around 6. He followed her to the other side of town to an apartment near the liquor store. It was an outdoor apartment where the windows surrounded the building. He went up the stairs, looked through the window, and was shocked. He was prepeared for this moment, of course. He saw it coming, but the reality of it surprised him. He took out his camera, and knew what he had to do.

On the day of their wedding, everything went perfect. Lydia looked beautiful in her gown, and Edgar looked extremely happy. He smiled when he said, "I Do" and kissed her passionatly. It was all according to plan. Then, it was time for Edgar to make his toast.

"First, I would like to thank all of you for coming to our wedding. I would especially like to thank Lydia's father for taking care of ALL of the wedding expenses. To show my appreciation, there is an envelope taped to the bottom of all your seats. I think the contents are self explanatory."

When the guests opened their envelopes, they found pictures of the bride and Steve, the best man, doing... some inappropriate things. Needless to say, Edgar filed for divorce the next day. The bill of the wedding totaled $123,000.


The author's comments:
I wrote this after reading "Othello" by Shakespeare. His emotions were very well portrayed, and I wanted to try and express them.

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This article has 8 comments.


on Aug. 10 2010 at 5:21 pm
Annabelle294 SILVER, Branford, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 64 comments
This is funny and clever, loved it!

on Jun. 2 2010 at 2:50 pm
Thief_of_your_heart SILVER, Knox, Tennessee
7 articles 3 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
live long and rock on!

this was amazing....luv it lots!!!!

on May. 29 2010 at 3:03 pm

simon cowell feedback... you asked for it!

This story has a lot of potential for improvement. I really liked how you ended it and I think in the begining you captured the emotions of the characters fairly well. But you could really use some stronger verbs, adjectives. Try something like "Seeing them together overpowered him like a uninvited tidal wave on a quiet beach and drowned his heart with rage" or something that really shows how angry and shocked he is.

the rest of the story is kind of a synopsis. I would go into much more detail about the wedding and how lavish it was and how perfect it really went and how happy everyone was. talk about love songs and vows, and promises that Lydia makes to make the story more ironic and to make her more of a liar.

"doing some inappropriate things" needs to be changed. That makes it sound like a middle school teacher talking to her class about kids who got suspended for sexting or something. I'm not saying go into detail about what Lydia and Steve did in the pictures, but you should at least give a better idea of what's going on--but keep it PG-13; not PG.

But the best part is the end. Very nice twist and I loved how you ended it with the "bill of the wedding..."

with revision, I think this story will be really, really good. Right now it's just okay, but it is a young story that has time to grow. Keep up the good work :)


on May. 29 2010 at 9:25 am
aaaaaqweqweqwe SILVER, Somewhere, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 67 comments

I think this story ws a little chliche, what with the whole "wife cheats on husband claiming she has to work late" situation. Maybe go a little bit more in depth on the characters, that would help the story so much. Get a little more creative with your words and descriptions, and your story will improve so much.

Be sure to take a look at my work :)


on May. 28 2010 at 8:31 pm
Ninten1992 PLATINUM, New York, New York
27 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forgive and Forget".

Rated it five stars!

on May. 28 2010 at 8:29 pm
Ninten1992 PLATINUM, New York, New York
27 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forgive and Forget".

This is great! Edgar's emotions are well protrayed like Othello's. Thanks for your encouraging comment on my poem "Blue Rose".  Keep writing too :)

on May. 27 2010 at 8:16 pm
paninilene DIAMOND, Long Beach, California
55 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Done & Over"

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"People should be able to say how they feel. How they really feel. Not, you know, some words that some strangers put in their mouth."

OMG. the first post:) I LUV IT OF COURSE!! KEEP WRITING:)

on May. 26 2010 at 7:53 pm
Mykindapeopledontcarewhatyouthink BRONZE, Gueydan, Louisiana
2 articles 0 photos 124 comments
LOL! Niiiiice!!




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