A Secret Admirers' Metamorphosis

March 25, 2010
By NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky


He drummed her fingernails against the corner of his undersized school desk. Three… two… one- exactly six and one half minute until sixth period lets out- six and one half minutes until he delivered. It was a schedule he had followed since sophomore year, every other Wednesday just after sixth period, he delivered the note. Never anything that could give him away- he either typed it up and avoided the use of his hand writing, or cut his desired words from newspaper and magazines ransom-note style.

The message was always the same- the words always different. On Valentines Day last year he had given a small bag of Conversation hearts, a cheesy card, and a Yellow rose. Halloween two years ago it was a chocolate eyeball and a small card saying, “You are my treat- here’s one for you. No tricks.” Red and Green gummy bears just before Christmas, Irish Truffles around St. Patrick’s Day. Today however, like most delivery days, a simple folded piece of loose leaf was all he intended- in now four minutes and sixteen seconds- to slip into her locker. He had decided to give a plain and simple note today, a wrinkled “You enchant me” was all that was uttered on the wide-ruled paper he clutched in his right hand.

One minute and forty-three seconds, also know as eternity, to go. One hundred and three seconds was officially his least favorite number… one hundred and two… One 0 one…

He got a sort of kick out of it- he imagined so did she. He wondered how exactly it made her feel when she received his notes. Was it the one thing that gave her self-esteem? Or did she think of herself just as fondly as he though of her? Who did she think dropped the notes, - a jock, or a techie, perhaps, but certainly not him? He knew he was a secret, pondered or not, he didn’t know, but only he knew that this Clark Kent lay under Superman’s six-pack.

The seconds ticked away as his patients and level of attention to the lesson diminished. He became jittery as Mr. Jacobson announced that it was now time to pack up- only twenty-four seconds remained on the teasing clock. Finally- the second hand reached the twelve and the minute hand became perfectly aligned with the two. He held his breath and waited for the bell to set him free.

The thirty-two seconds Mr. Jacobson’s clock was off by were agony- but in a way made the final bell even sweeter sounding. He wove his way through the crowed hallway; the destination was soon in sight.

Ten feet to go… three… two ... one… touchdown. The paper seamlessly slipped into her locker, making the tiniest sound as it landed on her thick beginning-of-spring hoodie. Not a moment later, though, his regulatory schedule was upset. She was exactly twenty-one seconds early- giving her a chance to see a hand dropping the note into he locker- and to whom the hand belonged.

If it was possible, his heart stopped and smile jumped onto her face simultaneously. His gaze met hers, and at this moment he was still her lab partner, he was still her childhood friend, and he was still her next-door-neighbor.
But in that moment, and everyone that followed- the one thing he finally wasn’t, was her secret admirer.


The author's comments:
Most certainly not 100% true, but this was inspired by the boy who gave me my first love letter- well, first two, as of yesterday

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This article has 27 comments.


on May. 30 2010 at 1:36 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 268 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

I have to agree with banangela, there were a few awkward sentences. But the story overall was beautifully written. ^_^

Keep up the good work and thanks for commenting on The Key!

 


on May. 26 2010 at 3:03 pm
aaaaaqweqweqwe SILVER, Somewhere, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 67 comments
Aww :) I like it. A couple spelling errors and awkward sentences, but other than that... very good

on May. 2 2010 at 3:26 pm
Kandabear SILVER, East Bend, North Carolina
7 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I went insane from long intervals of sanity." - Edgar Allan Poe
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say but what we are unable to say." - Unknown
"You must say drunk on writing so that reality can not destory you." - Ray Bradbury

This is a powerful piece. I love your attention to detail. Description is a useful mastery as a writer. I can't wait to read more of your work

on Apr. 17 2010 at 6:51 pm
JohnDeereGirl DIAMOND, Westerlo, New York
61 articles 36 photos 216 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not"
"Somewhere betweeen us talking, you saying I deserve better, and you making me laugh when I wanted to cry, I fell in love with you."

WOW...WOW WOW. This is aweosme. I love the theme of it. 5 Stars! Keep writing..PS Thanks for commenting on my poems.

on Apr. 17 2010 at 2:37 pm
--LoveHappens--, Fairfield, Connecticut
0 articles 0 photos 343 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A friend is someone who knows you, but loves you anyway"

Oh my gosh I LOVE this. it is the sweetest thing ever. I would love it if a boy did this for me. I love your writing how you do a count down and the reader feels the same suspense as the boy. I also love the description. there are a few mistakes here and there but other than that great job. I would love it if you checked out my pieces as well and leave a comment. Especially on The Pretty One which I think you would like because it is like a real life love story. Thanks so much and keep writing. Great job. LOVED IT!!!!!

on Apr. 5 2010 at 6:55 am
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Agh!  I wonder how I missed that!  Thanks so much for commenting and pointing that out, do you know if there's a way to revise your work on teenink?

Thanks so much for commenting, every words is appreciated.


on Apr. 3 2010 at 1:49 pm
thewriteidea DIAMOND, Pleasanton, California
67 articles 0 photos 336 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry that it's over, smile because it has happened."

This is one of the sweetest stories I've read in a long time. I like how you focused on such a small part, yet made it really important and stand out a lot. Also the counting down and drumming fingers against the desk added to it, also. Just a couple things to watch out for:

At the beginning  you had some pronoun confusion. For example: "He drummed her fingernails against the corner..." It should be "He drummed his fingernils against the corner..." I was confused for a bit. That's really the main thing besides some typos that can easily be fixed. I suggest reading it over a couple times or reading it out loud -- that usually helps. Nice work!!



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