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A Secret Admirers' Metamorphosis

He drummed her fingernails against the corner of his undersized school desk. Three… two… one- exactly six and one half minute until sixth period lets out- six and one half minutes until he delivered. It was a schedule he had followed since sophomore year, every other Wednesday just after sixth period, he delivered the note. Never anything that could give him away- he either typed it up and avoided the use of his hand writing, or cut his desired words from newspaper and magazines ransom-note style.

The message was always the same- the words always different. On Valentines Day last year he had given a small bag of Conversation hearts, a cheesy card, and a Yellow rose. Halloween two years ago it was a chocolate eyeball and a small card saying, “You are my treat- here’s one for you. No tricks.” Red and Green gummy bears just before Christmas, Irish Truffles around St. Patrick’s Day. Today however, like most delivery days, a simple folded piece of loose leaf was all he intended- in now four minutes and sixteen seconds- to slip into her locker. He had decided to give a plain and simple note today, a wrinkled “You enchant me” was all that was uttered on the wide-ruled paper he clutched in his right hand.

One minute and forty-three seconds, also know as eternity, to go. One hundred and three seconds was officially his least favorite number… one hundred and two… One 0 one…

He got a sort of kick out of it- he imagined so did she. He wondered how exactly it made her feel when she received his notes. Was it the one thing that gave her self-esteem? Or did she think of herself just as fondly as he though of her? Who did she think dropped the notes, - a jock, or a techie, perhaps, but certainly not him? He knew he was a secret, pondered or not, he didn’t know, but only he knew that this Clark Kent lay under Superman’s six-pack.

The seconds ticked away as his patients and level of attention to the lesson diminished. He became jittery as Mr. Jacobson announced that it was now time to pack up- only twenty-four seconds remained on the teasing clock. Finally- the second hand reached the twelve and the minute hand became perfectly aligned with the two. He held his breath and waited for the bell to set him free.

The thirty-two seconds Mr. Jacobson’s clock was off by were agony- but in a way made the final bell even sweeter sounding. He wove his way through the crowed hallway; the destination was soon in sight.

Ten feet to go… three… two ... one… touchdown. The paper seamlessly slipped into her locker, making the tiniest sound as it landed on her thick beginning-of-spring hoodie. Not a moment later, though, his regulatory schedule was upset. She was exactly twenty-one seconds early- giving her a chance to see a hand dropping the note into he locker- and to whom the hand belonged.

If it was possible, his heart stopped and smile jumped onto her face simultaneously. His gaze met hers, and at this moment he was still her lab partner, he was still her childhood friend, and he was still her next-door-neighbor.
But in that moment, and everyone that followed- the one thing he finally wasn’t, was her secret admirer.




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This article has 27 comments. Post your own!

banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 26, 2010 at 3:03 pm:
Aww :) I like it. A couple spelling errors and awkward sentences, but other than that... very good
 
thepreechyteenagerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 31, 2010 at 7:24 am :

Yeah- I know.  Those grammar mistakes REALLY bug me, but I can't find a way to fix them on here :(

Oh well, the good part about being a writer is you can always write more!!!

 
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lovespromise said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 6:51 pm:
WOW...WOW WOW. This is aweosme. I love the theme of it. 5 Stars! Keep writing..PS Thanks for commenting on my poems.
 
Kandabear replied...
May 2, 2010 at 3:26 pm :
This is a powerful piece. I love your attention to detail. Description is a useful mastery as a writer. I can't wait to read more of your work
 
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--LoveHappens-- said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 2:37 pm:
Oh my gosh I LOVE this. it is the sweetest thing ever. I would love it if a boy did this for me. I love your writing how you do a count down and the reader feels the same suspense as the boy. I also love the description. there are a few mistakes here and there but other than that great job. I would love it if you checked out my pieces as well and leave a comment. Especially on The Pretty One which I think you would like because it is like a real life love story. Thanks so much and keep writing. ... (more »)
 
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thewriteidea This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 1:49 pm:

This is one of the sweetest stories I've read in a long time. I like how you focused on such a small part, yet made it really important and stand out a lot. Also the counting down and drumming fingers against the desk added to it, also. Just a couple things to watch out for:

At the beginning  you had some pronoun confusion. For example: "He drummed her fingernails against the corner..." It should be "He drummed his fingernils against the corner..." I was confused for a bit. T... (more »)

 
thepreechyteenagerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 6:55 am :

Agh!  I wonder how I missed that!  Thanks so much for commenting and pointing that out, do you know if there's a way to revise your work on teenink?

Thanks so much for commenting, every words is appreciated.

 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 14, 2010 at 4:40 pm :
Love the twist at the end! Definatly DID NOT see that coming! I love how you speed the story up and created tension by counting down the minutes. Great job! :) 
 
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