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EC-AM=Heartbreak Chapter 3
February 14, 2010
Today was absolutely horrific. After Lori said those things to me about how I must not really even love Ash…I just feel so awful. But I know that she’s wrong, because I do love Ash. I love him more than anything in the world. I love him more than Cole.
The only problem with that is that he’s no longer here. If I want to move on and start a new, happy life, then I need to get over Ash. Of course I can still keep all of the memories of him stored deep inside my heart, and I most definitely will. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t find someone else to fill the emptiness that Ash left behind.
Cole is an amazing person, and I care very deeply about him. I know how much he cares for me too, and I know that he will always be faithful to me. There isn’t one single reason for me not to go out with him.
But there’s still something stopping me. It’s like this feeling deep inside my heart telling me that it would be a bad decision. But it doesn’t seem like a bad decision to me…so why can’t I get myself to just ask him out already?
I closed my diary and glanced at the bright red numbers on my digital clock. It was ten o’ five. I was supposed to meet Kristy and Cole at Sadie’s around ten-fifteen, so I had to leave in a couple minutes.
My only concern with leaving the house to go meet them was the fact that I’d be leaving Lori alone. She was a grown woman and she wasn’t paralyzed or anything, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal. But I was still a little worried.
I’d left her alone in the house a couple times when I had to go to work at Sadie’s, but that was only when my parents got from work home late. They were usually already home by the time I left for work. And she’d never stayed at the house alone for over half an hour.
What could possibly go wrong though? I had to be logical about this. What could possibly happen to a forty-seven year old with Alzheimer’s disease, while being left alone for about an hour and a half?
After convincing myself that everything would all be ok, I walked into the living room where Lori was sitting, watching TV.
“Hey, I’m going to go meet up with Kristy and Cole at Sadie’s. I’m probably going to be gone for about an hour and a half though, so will you be ok by yourself?” I asked her.
She looked at me, a grimace on her face. “You’re going to meet with Cole?” she demanded.
“Yes, I’m going to meet with Cole. Is that ok with you?” I remarked.
“Actually, it’s not. I’m telling you, Ash would be very disappointed in you if he saw that you were hanging around with that boy.” Her words cut me life a knife. She knew that when she spoke of Ash, I got all tense and emotional. It was like her secret weapon against me.
“No, Ash would be happy that I’m actually going out with friends. He’d be happy that I’m not sitting home alone on Valentine’s Day feeling sorry for myself.” I told her, holding myself together. I was not about to get all choked up about Ash all over again. So before she had a chance to say anything else, I turned on my heel and walked out the door.
When I walked into Sadie’s, I spotted Kristy and Cole sitting at a booth in the back corner right away. I marched over to them and took a seat next to Kristy, trying to put all of my frustration with Lori aside and just have some fun.
“You ok? You seem a little tense.” Kristy said.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I remarked a bit sharply.
“You sure?” she asked, eyeing me skeptically.
“Positive,” I replied. I glanced at Cole, who was trying very hard not to make any eye contact with me. I knew that things were still awkward between Cole and I, but I had to put a stop to that. I couldn’t stand it.
A waiter approached our table and took our orders, looking a lot less than thrilled to be there. When he walked away with his little notepad, I turned to look at Cole.
“So Cole,” I began. Immediately, he looked up at me. “How long are you going to be staying here?”
“Uh, just for the weekend.” he told me, making my heart sink. Why couldn’t he stay for at least a full week? I knew why. He still had a life back in Michigan, he still had to go back to college, he didn’t live here in New York.
This was pretty much my only reason not to date him. I couldn’t date someone who didn’t even live in the same state as me. Yeah, we could have a long-distance relationship, but those never lasted. After all, the last time I tried to have a long-distance relationship, Ash ended up dying.
What was I doing?
I was sitting here, trying to figure out how I could date Cole, and I didn’t even know if he still wanted to be with me. I was so full of myself, just assuming that he was still in love with me. I really had to get over myself.
“I wish I could stay longer,” Cole continued, “but I can’t just not show up to college.”
“Yeah, I wish you could stay longer too.” I told him. We both looked at each other at the exact same moment, causing our eyes to meet. A strange, almost electrifying feeling ran down my spine, and I tore my eyes away from his at once.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kristy looking at us with a grin on her face. “Is there something I should know?” she inquired.
“What do you mean?” Cole asked her.
“Well, it just kind of seems like you and Evalynne…” She let her sentence trail off at the end, letting Cole and I fill in the blank.
When Cole realized what she was hinting at, his face got as red as a fire truck. “Evalynne and I are just friends, if that’s what you’re asking.” he informed her hastily.
“Yeah, we’re just friends.” I added. I took a deep breath, way to nervous to even explain. And before I took the time to think about what I was about to do, I said it. “Although…I’d really like to more than that.”
Cole’s eyes widened, his mouth dropped open, and he was at a complete loss of words. I wasn’t quite sure if this was a good or bad sign though. He opened his mouth, about to respond, but he didn’t get the chance to. My phone began to ring, interrupting him.
Sighing, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and glanced at the caller I.D. It was the police department. “Sorry, I’ve got to take this.” I said, answering the phone, completely confused. “Hello?” I answered.
“Hi, is this Evalynne Carter?” a man asked.
“Yes,” I replied, still confused.
“This is the Westchester Police Department. We received a phone call from a Ms. Lori Mongolia about five minutes ago.”
My heart fluttered with panic, “What happened? Is she ok?” I asked frantically.
“Well, she had a heart attack. She’s on her way to the hospital right now.” he informed me, sounding apologetic.
“Oh my gosh!” I cried. “I’ll be there right away!” I hung up the phone and rose to my feet.
“Who was that?” Kristy queried.
“Yeah, what happened?” Cole added.
“That was the police department.” I replied. “Lori just had a heart attack. She’s on her way to the hospital right now. I have to go.”
Before either of them had a chance to respond, I rushed out of the restaurant, running right past the waiter who was bringing us our food.