One Syllable, Four Letters
Sitting with the phone pressed to my ear, my heart dropped as I heard him regretfully utter, “Alexa…I lied.” It had been three months since we had broken up, and we this was our first conversation since two days after junior prom. My throat tightened up around the lump in my throat as tears began to pour like water out of a broken dam. I felt as if my heart, and all my importance, had shattered it without a care. Like every word had been a lie. The feeling that I meant absolutely NOTHING to him then or now consumed me and as a result what had decreased to a steady stream of tears turned into a raging river again. My head was spinning, my tears were dropping, my mouth was quivering and my heart was breaking. Love. One syllable, four letters. I had never realized how much caring for someone could hurt me.
It had been two weeks since our last conversation or his confession. We had gone from talking everyday to no contact at all. After a long day of two hours of field hockey and eight hours of work, I embraced my sweet time of relaxation as I collapsed on the couch. My eye lids began lowering as my breathing steadied and I began to slip into an exhausted slumber. However, I was rudely awakened by my buzzing phone. My cell phone lit up, “New Text Message”. It was him.
“Alexa. We need to talk.” This phrase was all too common between us. It was a red flag. I knew something was going on or he had done something wrong. He felt guilty.
Ian had been in my life for four years and my everything for the last two but recently had become a stranger; but despite our last conversation and our current relationship, or lack thereof, I couldn’t abandon him. After all the late night phone calls of despair, fights, tears, apologies, anything that happened, he was there. We had spent every weekend together, with friends or just the two of us. He was at every family affair and we spent every holiday together. Every memory I had, he was a part of. I put down my guard and let him know I was willing to talk.
“What’s going on? Are you ok?”
“Alexa…I wasn’t totally honest with you last week.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t tell you the entire truth.”
My heart skipped a beat, he had never lied to me before; and with that the fight between exhaustion and exerting emotion began. I remembered our last conversation, and my heart sank, but only for a moment. I could hear the faint mumble of his plea for forgiveness. I remembered the exhaustion I had felt after letting out every emotion possible in a two hour span, and with that that battle was won.
“Alexa. Will you say something? Please!”
I snapped back to reality. Without a tear, I replied, “I have nothing to say to you.”