Razed Expectations

December 24, 2009
Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry. Of course, it's difficult to articulate emotions that I can't feel, but I find that irony is relatively simple to demonstrate. I inhaled the toxic vapors of the cigarette casually. Its sinister, black cancer couldn't cripple a seventeen-year-old boy with no lungs, let alone a heart.
I glanced in the direction of the horizon, and flinched. The sun was dying flamboyantly, casting its radiant colors across the sky. Its last waves of light caressed my cold, pale skin. I wanted to snarl rebelliously as I felt its warmth slide against me deviously.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
My muscles went rigid, and I had to focus madly on controlling my shaking hands. I would know that voice, that beautiful, disastrous voice, in the realms beyond that of Earth. I grated my teeth, reeling in the disturbing sensations that she unknowingly always aroused in me.
I cocked my body towards her arrogantly, and lifted my mouth into a crooked crescent moon. I felt my eyes flashing, but I worked vehemently to fixate an arctic, hard tone into the dark of my indigo irises.
“I find the sunset lifeless and meaningless, actually,” I countered flatly, and a beat too late.
She laughed merrily, and I struggled within myself as my mind and body became entranced by the beautiful movement of her laughter as the colors of the sun played about her.
“You amuse me, Darian. How can you have such a pessimistic view of the world? The sun will not be lifeless until it disappears beneath the horizon, and the night falls. It’ll rise tomorrow, though,” she said.
I dared not think of her name. I hated the way my soul-if I had a soul-thrilled when her voice lingered over my name. It reminded me of music. I had to close my mind defiantly as I thought of music. I wanted nothing that resembled passion.
“That’s an inane notion that foolish women entertain. You want poetry, and ridiculous vows of forever. You aren’t difficult to read. If you want that sunset to mean something, then you want unrequited love. It doesn’t work like that,” I growled unmercifully, angry at her for unleashing the flood of feelings upon me.
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the superficial high school we both attended. Why she didn’t stay away from me, like everyone else.
“You’ll die from that smoking, Darian.” She glared at me. We’d had this argument a lot. I lifted my eyebrows, and turned away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.
She didn’t obey, and I sighed.
“You know, Dare, you could let yourself feel. You could understand it.” Her voice was soft, a whisper in the darkening air. She was air. My air.
I reviled the potency of the emotions I could feel pulsing through me. I ran a hand through my black hair nervously, my body skidding with strange, unfamiliar energy. I didn’t want to answer her. Why didn’t she leave?
I made a fatal mistake when I looked at her. Every nerve inside of me screamed, as though my body and internal organs were recharging hurriedly in the rare moment of my awakening.
I think I felt my heart beat hesitantly.
My voice seemed like that of a stranger. It had a rich, deep tone to it. It had color.
“Understand what?”
Something in my expression changed the way she was looking at me. It may have mirrored the arrangement of my own features. She became vulnerable in that instant.
“Kiss me.” She whispered brokenly.
Surprise jolted keenly through me. God, I wished I was numb again. Everything felt electric-too intense and too vivid. Emotions scattered across my being, a mutinous invasion of the raging war against myself. I was defenseless and an easy prey to her request. I breathed jaggedly, and there was a husky vibe to it. Want. I recognized it more clearly as it bloomed vibrantly through me.
And she was waiting. For me.
I destroyed the walls I had so warily built as I leaned towards her. She lifted a creamy hand and laid it tenderly against my cheek, the expectation making her bold. I moaned, and closed my eyes. My own hands loosened, and reached for her face greedily
Something hot-burning-ignited against my skin. I wrenched myself away, dazed by the unpleasant sensation. Had a spark traveled through our bodies? That’s when I noticed the cigarette kindling like a faint ember beside my marred hand. It had burnt me. The throbbing pain brought a wave of consciousness through me. Reality. And I stared at her face, inches from mine, and something clicked inside of me. Gears that began humming smoothly, like a tuned clock. I pulled back, and tossed her hand away like it stung. I grimaced as the vitals within me slowly resumed their state of nothingness, and shook my head to clear it of its nonsensical ideas.
She watched the change take possession of me, and tears began to collect in her eyes.
I found that I could care less.
I grinned at her, and mocked, “I taste of cigarettes, Clara.”
She got up shockingly to her feet, and backed away as if understanding for the first time what I was. Tears stained her nondescript face.
I smiled, that careful replication of a smile, and said acidly, “Did I humor your silly fantasies well?”
Her face crumpled entirely, and she pivoted away and ran sobbing from my scathing ridicule.
The sun died, and all was dark.

Join the Discussion

This article has 206 comments. Post your own now!

JeanGrey said...
Mar. 9, 2010 at 11:18 am
Wow. Amazing. Now what would be sad is if you had all this great talent, yet you were shallow...i hope your not....it would ruin the fun...
Endearing replied...
Mar. 15, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Ah, it would ruin the fun! But the depth and the passion of the words...it's impossible to imagine!
Feels said...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Simply beautiful, and it is powerful - it makes you feel.
Pink Floyd said...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I thought you should know, with a talent as riveting as yours, should know that you could have a chance of being published. Visit Ink Pop for young writers' work. It really helped me picture the kind of audience we're writing for. I think dark, emotional, and beautifully complicated, artistic souls would love your writing. I never expected to see work like yours on a Teen site.
Bbrat said...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 2:33 pm
i agree with A.C. You have a powerful way with words! The discription is awesome. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
A. C. said...
Feb. 28, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Wow... talk about the power of words. That was amazing! Truly an amazing piece. Keep writing!
ClockworkLightbulb said...
Feb. 19, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Reminds me of my ex boyfriend. ¬¬ xD This was amazing writing, and I really liked the main character. Great work.(:
O'Shea replied...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 8:06 pm
This beautiful story reminds me of my heartbreak, too. I understood the sweet, bitter tenor of the story. It really is a work of emotional art.
PaRaNoRmAl627 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 13, 2010 at 9:19 am
Wow. I really wish i could write that well. That was truly amazing.
Olivia892 said...
Feb. 10, 2010 at 5:37 pm
This is a truly great story. It held my attention from beginning to end and inspired in me both anger and sympathy for the protagonist which is a great feat. Plus, I’m a sucker for stories about thwarted love. I do wish, like a comment below has already said, that there might be a glimmer of hope although this didn’t bother me to much as it seems the story hasn’t ended yet. Overall a story. I wish I had the same talent. :)
Dances with Wolves replied...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 7:49 pm
I disagree. I think the author meant to capture that rare moment, and portray it in a realistic way. A sharp edge. The story isn't a story, but rather emotional victory. I think.
Seen replied...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I can see it from that perspective. It is a moment, and a breath of a story. I wish I could write like that too. Capture that.
ShainaIsDancing4ever said...
Feb. 9, 2010 at 10:09 pm
This is amazing!!! Your vocabulary is soo broad an it really helps in the description of the story! The emotions that you conveyed were great!! I LOVED IT!!! Keep writing and good luck!
Courtney C. said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 9:09 am
wow this was powerful, absolutely loved it
cookiemonsterr[; said...
Feb. 1, 2010 at 7:34 pm
I absolutely love this!!!(: the voice is so intense and I couldn't stop reading. I loved your descriptions because it made me feel like I was there. and even though I am a girl, I could feel all the Darian was feeling! this truly is an amazing piece.please please please write more!!! I very much enjoy your style of writing.amazing job on this! (:
PeaveLoveMe(: said...
Jan. 31, 2010 at 12:31 pm
This is so beautiful that I have no words to speak that could even budge towards describing it. Keep writing!
weirdonpurpose said...
Jan. 30, 2010 at 11:04 pm
this is.... beautiful. strange and rather eerie the way this is so much like my life at the current moment.... so many things match up. its a little spooky. but i thoroughly enjoyed the writing. very descriptive and really shows the emotion all at the same time keeping the reader on the outside. very very intriguing. now please, if you have the time, go and review my works as i have done for you.
adristar96 said...
Jan. 30, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Beautiful I love it!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Swivel said...
Jan. 30, 2010 at 1:44 pm
That was awesome!!! Your writing is like a whirlwind!!!
Discreetnessity said...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 5:16 pm
This is simply amazing. It's beautiful how you used a thing usually seen as beautiful into something that can be seen as beautiful and ugly at the same time. I also was glad it wasn't one of those things where they automatically falled in love! I wish it would've been longer so i could read more!
Waterlogged said...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 4:09 pm
That was really good. I actually felt like the character.
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