Razed Expectations

December 24, 2009
Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry. Of course, it's difficult to articulate emotions that I can't feel, but I find that irony is relatively simple to demonstrate. I inhaled the toxic vapors of the cigarette casually. Its sinister, black cancer couldn't cripple a seventeen-year-old boy with no lungs, let alone a heart.
I glanced in the direction of the horizon, and flinched. The sun was dying flamboyantly, casting its radiant colors across the sky. Its last waves of light caressed my cold, pale skin. I wanted to snarl rebelliously as I felt its warmth slide against me deviously.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
My muscles went rigid, and I had to focus madly on controlling my shaking hands. I would know that voice, that beautiful, disastrous voice, in the realms beyond that of Earth. I grated my teeth, reeling in the disturbing sensations that she unknowingly always aroused in me.
I cocked my body towards her arrogantly, and lifted my mouth into a crooked crescent moon. I felt my eyes flashing, but I worked vehemently to fixate an arctic, hard tone into the dark of my indigo irises.
“I find the sunset lifeless and meaningless, actually,” I countered flatly, and a beat too late.
She laughed merrily, and I struggled within myself as my mind and body became entranced by the beautiful movement of her laughter as the colors of the sun played about her.
“You amuse me, Darian. How can you have such a pessimistic view of the world? The sun will not be lifeless until it disappears beneath the horizon, and the night falls. It’ll rise tomorrow, though,” she said.
I dared not think of her name. I hated the way my soul-if I had a soul-thrilled when her voice lingered over my name. It reminded me of music. I had to close my mind defiantly as I thought of music. I wanted nothing that resembled passion.
“That’s an inane notion that foolish women entertain. You want poetry, and ridiculous vows of forever. You aren’t difficult to read. If you want that sunset to mean something, then you want unrequited love. It doesn’t work like that,” I growled unmercifully, angry at her for unleashing the flood of feelings upon me.
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the superficial high school we both attended. Why she didn’t stay away from me, like everyone else.
“You’ll die from that smoking, Darian.” She glared at me. We’d had this argument a lot. I lifted my eyebrows, and turned away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.
She didn’t obey, and I sighed.
“You know, Dare, you could let yourself feel. You could understand it.” Her voice was soft, a whisper in the darkening air. She was air. My air.
I reviled the potency of the emotions I could feel pulsing through me. I ran a hand through my black hair nervously, my body skidding with strange, unfamiliar energy. I didn’t want to answer her. Why didn’t she leave?
I made a fatal mistake when I looked at her. Every nerve inside of me screamed, as though my body and internal organs were recharging hurriedly in the rare moment of my awakening.
I think I felt my heart beat hesitantly.
My voice seemed like that of a stranger. It had a rich, deep tone to it. It had color.
“Understand what?”
Something in my expression changed the way she was looking at me. It may have mirrored the arrangement of my own features. She became vulnerable in that instant.
“Kiss me.” She whispered brokenly.
Surprise jolted keenly through me. God, I wished I was numb again. Everything felt electric-too intense and too vivid. Emotions scattered across my being, a mutinous invasion of the raging war against myself. I was defenseless and an easy prey to her request. I breathed jaggedly, and there was a husky vibe to it. Want. I recognized it more clearly as it bloomed vibrantly through me.
And she was waiting. For me.
I destroyed the walls I had so warily built as I leaned towards her. She lifted a creamy hand and laid it tenderly against my cheek, the expectation making her bold. I moaned, and closed my eyes. My own hands loosened, and reached for her face greedily
Something hot-burning-ignited against my skin. I wrenched myself away, dazed by the unpleasant sensation. Had a spark traveled through our bodies? That’s when I noticed the cigarette kindling like a faint ember beside my marred hand. It had burnt me. The throbbing pain brought a wave of consciousness through me. Reality. And I stared at her face, inches from mine, and something clicked inside of me. Gears that began humming smoothly, like a tuned clock. I pulled back, and tossed her hand away like it stung. I grimaced as the vitals within me slowly resumed their state of nothingness, and shook my head to clear it of its nonsensical ideas.
She watched the change take possession of me, and tears began to collect in her eyes.
I found that I could care less.
I grinned at her, and mocked, “I taste of cigarettes, Clara.”
She got up shockingly to her feet, and backed away as if understanding for the first time what I was. Tears stained her nondescript face.
I smiled, that careful replication of a smile, and said acidly, “Did I humor your silly fantasies well?”
Her face crumpled entirely, and she pivoted away and ran sobbing from my scathing ridicule.
The sun died, and all was dark.

Join the Discussion

This article has 206 comments. Post your own now!

Anj16 said...
May 15, 2010 at 12:40 pm
it's good, but you have to minimize the use of adverbs and adjectives. sometime's it's a bit too much.
JacintaT said...
May 10, 2010 at 8:49 pm
This was incredible. I can't really explain how this story made me feel, but I had tears in my eyes by the end. It was though I could feel the was Clara was feeling. Please keep writing! LOVED IT.
LoveHappens This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 6:26 pm
This story is incredible, had me hooked from the opening line!! Keep writing :)
fair246 said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 6:07 pm
This little bit reminds me of Edward and Bella's relationship.  But I love your word choice, please write more this was really intriuging. 
Moogs replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:20 am

idk how it does that

he was never mean to her


FairE. replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Maybe not as mean as the character in this but he was cold and edgy.  
Moogs replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:27 pm


i dont see it

i mean thats kinda a browd 'all vampires' kinda thing


FairE. replied...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Ok... well its just my opinion. 
taboomonster123 replied...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 7:26 am
I can sortof see how this relationship is like Twilight (or, at least, I can see how some people would be inclined to see it that way), but the real difference is that while Twilight is war-like (bordom punctuated by moments of sheer terror) this piece is dark, heart-breaking, and slightly ironic. Or is it anti-cliche-ic? (Is that even a word?)
StarredCritic replied...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

No, it isn't a word, but the concept is correct. :)


Popsicles? replied...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Again with the "Twilight" concept! I honestly don't see how this story is anything like that trivial writing. Twilight is light, superficial and predictable. This story, on the other hand, is dark, emotional and deep, and unexpected. I respect authors, but Meyer got lucky. There's no talent, true talent, in creating a generic fantasy for love-lusting girls. And the emphasis on beauty is disgusting. And Bella - sheesh, the girl is colorless. Bland. Boring. Who would fall in love with thatmore »)

EllaMcFarley said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm
ohhhh goooood!! are you planning to continue this?? loooove it!!
SilverLuna said...
Apr. 12, 2010 at 6:03 pm
I'm pretty sure I already posted awhile back saying how much I loved this piece, but I thought it'd be worth saying it again. This is singularly spectacular! What I don't understand is why you haven't posted anymore work...your screen name seems to fit aptly enough, but, I as one of your fans, would like it if you posted some new work and it seems like alot of other people would agree with me. I have more of my own work posted as well and, if you ever return to teenink, I would love for you to r... (more »)
LiveLife2theMax said...
Apr. 11, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Wow, you know the way when you read something and you get like this intense shiver that lasts. It doesnt happen too often, well not to me, but this made me shiver, especially at the very end when he built his walls back up. dude, it was thoroughly amazing.

so... wil there be more??!! pleease

Dreamer5712 said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 12:54 pm
WOW!!!!! That was really good. Keep writing
smilee_xD said...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 8:03 am
you were REALLY good. Like amazing  good. Great adjectives and you know how to speak to your readers.:) good story.
Breaking said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 6:56 pm
WOW. I was so blown away by your talent. You were so good at revealing people's souls. Your characters were amazing in depth and personality. I LOVED your writing.
Inkpop Writer said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 6:54 pm
To be called talented is a great thing, but to be called talented by the talented, that is a truely amazing feeling. Thank you form the bottom of my heart.
Day of Silence said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 6:52 pm
I just have to say that you are a wonderful writer.
Wambach Gay said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:48 pm
I forgot to mention above, but I love the way colors are such a huge part of your writing, because you use them to your advantage.
Holy crap. Again, this story is riddled with moments of brilliance, among lines that aren't as strong as they could be. I think one thing you could work on, as mentioned in my previous comment, is the dialogue. Fix that, and you're on your way.

Fantastic job.
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